- 8 years ago
- Wedding: April 2016
It seems like we ladies can never select our bridal parties without some type of drama ensuing! I am learning this, and the stories I come across ger crazier and crazier. I thought I’d share a few recent ones. I’ll try to keep these short.
Here’s MY interesting dilemma….
I plan to have 4-5 bridesmaids in my wedding, which isn’t for a couple of years, but I’m thinking about it now. I recently had an engagement party with only 22 people in attendance, and it just so happened that the friends I invited will most likely be my BMs! I did struggle with the guest list and there were some friends that were a little pissy that they weren’t invited, but my mom paid a nice amount per head and gave me a limit so I had to do what I had to do! One situation in particular bothers me though… In HS me and 3 other friends were pretty much inseparable. Over the years, now that we live far apart, it has been made more apparent who I am closest to of these 3. So I only invited the 2 girls I’m closest to, to my engagement party. I felt bad about my 3rd friend, but I put it out of my mind. I knew eventually she’d find out though, and I’d have to face her. The catch is, I hardly speak to the 3rd friend (let’s call her T). The only time I talk to her is if the other two (A & C) are involved, but T and I rarely talk one one one.
What makes it awkward though is that I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in T’s wedding about 3 years ago. (A was her Maid/Matron of Honor and C was not in it.) When T asked me to be in her wedding, I actually did not accept at first. We ended up having a heart-to-heart conversation and I told her I didn’t feel that she was a good friend to me because of some things she had done to me in the past (mostly involving her not paying me back money), and I didn’t want to be fake by being a Bridesmaid or Best Man. We hashed it out and decided that I would be in it but SHE had to pay for my dress and shoes! Yeah, real genuine involvement, I know. I really did it because I kind of felt bad for her. She doesn’t have that many close firends b/c she’s really NOT a good friend in general, and a couple of girls, including our friend C, had declined her invitation (some for financial reasons, but C specifically had a conflict with her and they had fallen out). The other two BM’s along with me and A ended up being her husband’s two sisters.
Sooo, I didn’t invite T to my engagement party, though I’m sure she’s seen pics on FB, and I’m definitely not asking her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. It just so happens that she is going through a divorce from her husband of like 1 1/2 years right now, so if and when I speak to her, I will likely tell her that I didn’t include her b/c I know she’s going through a divorce and I didn’t think it was approproate to make her a part of my events when she was going through something so difficult. I will also be honest and tell her it is also b/c I talk to A & C regularly, but we don’t talk unless we’re all 4 doing something together. I’m hoping she’ll accept this response. I’m not so much worried about ruining our friendship as I am hurting her feelings.
Here’s the crazy dilemma of a close friend…
One of my best friends from college (J) has a close friend from grade school (S) that is getting married. We all ended up living in the same area after college (S did not go to college with us) so I met S after college and we all started hanging out often. Well since we’ve been out of school, I’ve really been closer to to J than I think S has. Fast forward to now, S gets engaged. Apparently she didn’t tell J until after having already planned 90% of the wedding, but she asked J to be in her bridal party. J wasn’t feeling it for a couple of reasons: 1) S waited so long to tell J (told her in March, wedding in Sept), and had told a few of the other bridal party members much ealrier AND had it practically planned by the time she told her, and 2) the date S picked is J’s 30th birthday weekend! Now anyone who knows J knows that birthdays are a BIG DEAL to her. She always celebrates big for hers and for others, and she’d been talking about what to do for her 30th (in Aug) for the last 6 months!. But the plot thickens…the reason S chose that date is b/c it just so happens that S met her Fiance at one of J’s birthday parties like 6-7 years ago! Even though she knew J might feel a certain way about it, and might not even be able to go b/c of birthday plans, she went with that date b/c it is meaningful to her and her Fiance.
When S told J about the wedding iwas basically a fiasco. She diecided to do it at her own 30th bday celebration, which I attended too. I learned later that when S asked her to be in it, J (who has no filter) said “Well that’s my birthday weekend so I don’t know. My Boyfriend or Best Friend may have something planned.” She didn’t really congratulate her or anything. J tried to act happy for her but I think it was apparent that she was dissappointed, so S was really hurt at her own party! In the days that followed, S called me (although her and i aren’t that close) and we met for drinks. She ended up crying saying how hurt she was at how J acted and that she’s turning down her invite to be in the wedding. S felt like she always bent over backwards for J but J is selfish and never does the same. And I know J very well, she is a giving person, but she also does what she wants. That’s just who she is. So I encouraged S to talk it thru with her and try to come to a resolution so it wouldn’t affect their 12+ year friendship. They did meet and talk it out, and in a last attempt, S gave J a gift and formal invitiation to be in the bridal party, and J said she’d think about it. A few days later J let S know that she would not be in it, but she’d definitely be there and would even give a toast. Turns out J’s Boyfriend or Best Friend had been planning to take her away for her bday that weekend, and had even asked me for ideas to surprise her. So he ended up having to spill the beans so they could plan around the wedding schedule. S is still hurt that J won’t be in it but I think she’s trying to be understanding. I can see both sides, and this was a really tough one!
So Bees, tell me your crazy Bridesmaid or Best Man stories!!!!
ETA: So much for keepng these short!!! Hopefully their entertaining 🙂