- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014
You never think it’s going to be an issue for you.
I found a ton of other posts from years past on WB, but nothing seems to fit my situation. I am 15 months out from the wedding (22 month engagement) and have not formally asked any bridesmaids. I have an idea of who I plan on asking. I only wanted those nearest and dearest to me. For a while I had an issue because I did not want to ask my sister (we are not close) but didn’t want to ruin any chance at becoming closer in the future. Now, I’m dealing with another issue.
A friend of mine from college. We were very close by senior year of college (2 years ago) and I have seen her once or twice since then (we now live on opposite coasts). We stay in touch here and there, but we’ve been in and through grad school, so things can get hectic. She’s visiting this week… and I’m starting to get irritated. Back when I was a “waiting” bee, she and I talked a lot about my frustrations, what I dreamt of for a wedding, etc, and how she’d start saving so she could attend from so far away. Since then she’s sort of hinted and jokingly mentioned how she’s “in the running” for MOH. I just kind of laughed it off, because at the time we were so far out from things, and I thought the idea that someone would actually like, compete for such a pointless title was sort of ridiculous.
Now she’s here, and at least twice in the last three days, she’s said things either about being a bridesmaid, or when I told her we weren’t going to do MOH/best man, because I felt it was so arbitary and unnecessary to try to choose that one person in your life that is more special than the others, she was appalled at the notion. She’s single and I’m not sure how many weddings she’s been to before, if any, and I realize it’s not until you’re a bride that you realize you sort of have to be firm when it comes to what you want and not to let anyone convince you that you need to do X because it’s what’s “done” or what they want.
My issue lies here. I originally planned on asking her a be a bridesmaid. We’ve been friends from almost 5 years, and she’s been there for me during some rough times and we’ve never had a fight or issue. But, I feel like, if she keeps bugging me and sort of refusing to support me in choices like this and continuing to hint about being a bridesmaid or a MOH even, I almost don’t even want to ask her. I don’t believe I ever said anything about her being a bridesmaid, but at the same time, I never dispelled anything because at the time, it was so far in the future I didn’t know what was going to go down. I’m specificlaly not asking BMs until at least the summer/fall (a year out, maybe more because it will be a “destination” in terms of distance for all of them- so they can plan and save if necessary) also because I know friendships change. If things continue like this, though, I feel like I shouldn’t ask her, and I’m going to have to be blunt about it to her. I don’t want her to hate me, though. I would still invite her and ask her to help me with things, but I am so turned off by the fact that she’s been so pushy. None of the other ladies I currently plan on asking have asked me about the bridal party, who’s in it, or anything more than, where is the wedding going to be? what date? see any dresses you like yet?
Any thoughts? Sigh. Sorry this was long / thanks for sticking with me there!