Post # 1
Hi All…I know this has been discussed over & over. However, I keep flip-flopping with my decision. Four of my cousins on my father’s side of the family all live about four hours away from where the wedding will be held at. Combined they have about 16 children. Growing up, we’ve only got to know the two older ones. I’d really like to invite them to the wedding but don’t think I can without inviting the youngers ones too. Can I? It’s simply not in our budget or in the space of the reception room to have everyone bring their children. I’m also concerned if I don’t invite all of my cousin’s children that my cousins won’t come. Maybe I shouldn’t worry about this?!
Thanks for your advice!
Only 128 more days to go! YAY!
Post # 3
Invite only people who are important to you to your wedding. If you’re not close to someone, don’t invite them — this pertains to children as well.
Post # 4
@sweetthng: in my family, everyone’s babysitters are the other cousins/aunts etc. so I knew from the beginning if I didn’t invite the kids I wouldn’t get anyone else to come either. I’ve accepted that around 50 children ranging in age from 6 months to 14 years will be at the wedding. Luckily there is an adjacent room that I’m going to put a milk and cookie bar, TV with movies, and maybe a WII system in so they have stuff to do. My caterer told me to count 10 kids/2 plates so price wise it’s not that bad. Plus I really love when little kids run around the dance floor!
Post # 5
@sweetthng: How old are the older two? Could you put a minimum age in place, ie no children under then age of 12…
Just keep in mind, not inviting all the kids may result in the parents not attending at all.
Post # 6
@sweetthng: I think this is always a subject of debate here. For our wedding my FI and I decided it will be NO children. There is nobody extremely close to us that it would affect. For the people it will affect then it is going to have to be an “oh well.” It is the one thing we will not budge in bc there are quite a few in his family that have atleast THREE kids each. No way Jose!
Looks like you will have to make a decision like we did.
Post # 7
That’s kinda tough if they live four hours away, because it’s not as simple as leaving the kids with a babysitter. I’m completely supportive of not inviting everyone’s kids to your wedding, but the logistics here are kinda difficult. Of course there is always the possibility people will decline because they can’t bring their kids, I think it’s kinda silly normally, but when there’s distance involved I can see how it happens, so I wouldn’t be surprised or upset if they can’t come.
Also, your post didn’t realy make this clear, but if inviting just some means that one child in a family would be included but the rest would not, I don’t think that’s okay – unless you’re enforcing an age limit across the whole guest list, you can’t invite one child and leave their sibling out.
Post # 8
Like PP said, can you invoke an age limit? We only invited one cousin’s child, but he was the only one over 18, and he had no younger siblings. If your two older ones are in the same family and have no younger siblings, you can probably get away with it. But it’s much harder if they have younger siblings – parents are put in a difficult position if only some of their kids are invited.
I think you need to invite no children (or just the older two) and accept that maybe your cousins won’t come. But (in my opinion anyway), if out of town cousins don’t come, it’s not the end of the world.
Post # 9
Thank you all! I’m kind of thinking that I’ll just have to say no to having kids as the two older ones do have younger siblings. That just wouldn’t be fair. Take my chances that my cousins will be able to find sitters and be able to make it to the wedding. I hate to not include the children but it’s just not feasible to have that many. 🙁
Post # 10
I have the same issue. getting married in march and from the very beginnng we decided no kids. we decided this for many resons 1) between both our families there would be around 20 children from 4 to 9. we could not possible seat that many extra bums! 2) 20 children running around making noises during the ceramony! i dont think so! no matter how well ppl say their kids are behaved as soon as they are bored and they see someone to play with .. game on! 3) this was probably our biggets reaon not to. my cousins (two sisters) have 2 kids each and when they are together the tears the tantrums and worst of all, the screaming parents! so i didnt want them AND there kids there so we cant pick and choose what kids so the end result was none. this has actually resulted in one of my cousins not coming to the wedding as im being selfish and not thinking of her… right, not her wedding.. out of all that though all other guests have accepted that and have arranged things so that they can come to the wedding with no children.
ps alot of ppl coming to our wedding are al least 4 hours away also and they seem to have worked thinsg out just fine! good luck!
Post # 11
@ZandZ: That’s exactly where I’m at. Not so concerned about the kids running around as much as the amount of seats they’ll take up. If we allowed children to our wedding, I think there’d be about 45 of them. Way too many! My two nieces & one nephew are participating in the wedding. So they’ll be the only little bumpkins around.
Post # 12
@sweetthng: i think that is the best thing you can do. you cant make everyone happy but in the end its your day and you deserve to be the happy one. =)
Post # 13
We invited children of all family members and from there we decided which friends were able to bring their children. We took into account ages and how close we are with them. I could never imagine my wedding without kids because I think they’re so much fun!
Post # 14
My FI and I are getting married in a fairly remote area. 90% of guests will be from out of town (although many are originally from the area so have family nearby). We decided that if someone had family and/or friends nearby to babysit, we didn’t invite their children. We only invited the children who were either in our wedding or the guests have nobody to watch their children and they are in from out of town. BUT we are also hiring babysitters for those friends and family to use if they choose so that they don’t have to keep their kids at the wedding all night.
The reason we can’t invite everyone’s kids is that the hall we are having our reception in is very tight for space and we will already have a hard enough time trying to pack in all of the adults.
Post # 15
We’re planning a no-kids wedding, but it is a bit of a destination (4ish hours away) on a long weekend, so we expect lots of families will want to bring their kids for a mini holiday. We’re going to provide child care during the reception and ceremony (in the same building as the wedding), so everyone can come and enjoy the evening.
Even so, my SIL has already decided that if my 15 month old nephew can’t come to the ceremony (and he *is* coming to the reception!), then neither can she (harrumph!).
Post # 16
@Junip3r: I heard the same thing from my cousin. It’s not a fair position to put you in. I’m still torn about whether to invite kids or not.