- 6 years ago
And all her wizard powers…
Well, between all the wedding things getting done, ordering my dress among other things, bought myself a nice little 88 color makeup palette (I’m a freelance makeup artist, so this is a very big sweet treat to myself) and a pile of bills waiting to be paid — I was feeling really, really good, and happy. But then life steps in for a second:
”Oh no no, you’ve had enough happiness, Clara, here’s something to make your night interesting.” *drops in an atomic bomb of drama*
Why!? I shake my fist to the Heavens! Whyyyyy!
So here I am, to let some emotions out, and vent, and find someone to be understanding when there is no one else around. Please be gentle.
I moved away from my hometown, so I could be with my Fiance. Now we’re moved in together…but I have no friends here (besides my fiance’s co-worker’s wife, but she has a 3 yr old son, and I can’t just pile my emotions on her, she has enough of her OWN to deal with.) And the time difference is a big blow to getting in contact with my girls. So…here I am. My feelings are very explosive, I’m very sensitive. To dig a little deeper, I was a very depressed kid growing up, especially into my teenage years. But I healed, and my fiance was beside me through the last stages, he helped me so much, one of the reasons why I love him so much. So, perhaps I’m overreacting, perhaps it’s the insecure crybaby little girl that’s trying to come out through a woman again…whatever it is, it doesn’t make me feel good. And I just need someone to hear me out, because I can’t deal with being locked up or have my mouth closed.
My fiance was/is friends with a girl, the almighty ex, for about a decade or more now. In between those blissful moments of childhood shenanigans and adulthood concert-going, they decided ”HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE A GREAT IDEA!? LET’S DATE!” So they did. For 3 years, they were a couple. A happy couple. A couple who talked about marriage, and cute babies and pets on the front lawn, sticking their tongues down each others throats, couple. Now, that image, will always be stuck in my head. The woman could come knocking on my door handing me a basket of my favorite teas & chocolates, and I’d STILL hiss at her like an overprotective cat and slam the door in her face.
This past summer, a few days before I packed up my stuff & moved, he went to get a coffee with her. He didn’t hide anything, he told me right away as we began chatting on Yahoo. But still, I was FURIOUS. When I came to his hometown, all moved in & ready for a new happy life with him. I see him, on the computer, talking away with her on facebook *cringe, facebook, cringe*, going back & fourth, laughing, smiling, not even realizing I was standing right in the doorway. I freaked. I started crying, and my insides felt like they were going to explode. He knows how I felt about her, he knows how I felt about them TALKING, let alone SEEING ONE ANOTHER. A huge fight broke out, just like it always does when the almighty ex is mentioned. With tears in his eyes, he promised me; my feelings, no matter how irrational he thought they can be, were most important & he’ll respect the way I feel by not speaking to her & not hanging out with her. That was it. We kissed, made up & went on with our happy life. For 7 blissful months, her wizard powers were at bay…until *dramatic music* the night before.
So, supposedly, my fiance was driving back home from work & she was in the car behind him. I guess she was waving and he didn’t notice, and drove off (perhaps he did, and drove off on purpose?) So, instead of being *MEH* about it, she goes on facebook and sends him a message saying how it was nice of him to skip her and not even say Hi. He just wrote back once, saying he’s sorry (insert blah blah blah) and asked how she was doing. She responded, asking how he is & how it’s been ”long time no talk”, but he didn’t respond back. I said nothing off it, I just gave my little sarcastic smirk & went on with the day. That night, I went over to him and gave him a kiss but I could see he was being cold, & mean.
”What’s the matter?”
”I don’t like the way you reacted when you saw I was talking to *almighty EX*”
My face: O.O ?
”Don’t act stupid. You know how you are when it comes to her. She’s an old friend and I feel like I can’t even dare speak to her because I know you’ll be behind me pulling your hair out and crying.”
”You do know how I feel about her, but I don’t think my reaction was half as crazy as it used to be.”
”So if I asked her to come over, would you let her?”
”Of course not!”
”WHY!?” He starts raising his voice.
”Because you know how I feel about her. I don’t want your ex coming to our house for any reason whatsoever, what is the matter with you?”
”Well I don’t care anymore, I don’t know why you don’t like her, you don’t even know her. You’re ridiculous.”
”I don’t have to know her. I don’t hate her, I just don’t like her, and it’s my right not to like her.”
”That’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard. I didn’t mind when Pat messaged you or you guys talked.”
”Right, that’s why everytime he did, you’d log into my e-mails to see if I wrote back, or you’d get all mean & angry with me. I knew it bothered you, and it wasn’t a problem dropping him from my life, because I don’t care about him, I care about you and your feelings. I just wanted you to be happy.”
”Well this is different, *ALMIGHTY EX* is my friend! I picture my childhood, she’s there. I picture my teenage years, she’s there. Even my college days, when she moved away, she’s still there, and now that she’s around, I can’t just cut her out of my life. And I can’t stand that I can’t even speak to her because you’re over my shoulder like a mountain lion ready to attack, I can’t do this anymore, I don’t care what you say, I’m talking to her and I’ll hang out with her whenever I damn well please.”
Already bubbling into a tear-infested wreck, ”So you’re breaking your promise to me?”
”That was a stupid promise, and a mistake, it was so wrong of me! I have no idea why I promised something like that.”
”Are you breaking your promise to me?”
”I’m sorry, I am, yes.”
And this went on…for hours. I don’t remember the last time we fought like this. Pillows flying everywhere, walking from room to room, doors being slammed, voices being raised. But when we did fight like this, it was about the SAME EXACT THING. And it kills me. And even when the storm had subsided a bit, I can still feel his angry/frustration. I called him about a few bills, and he just got all antsy & hung up the phone on me.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want them to see each other, to be honest, but I don’t want us to keep having these insane fights anymore about someone who I know for sure doesn’t give a rats ass anymore about my future husband. But his past is so important to him, and I can’t stand him going backwards all the time. Please help :-< …