(Closed) The annoying things in laws do…

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Wow! Your Future Mother-In-Law sounds like a fun lady to work with! You’re nicer than me though – I told the in-laws to give up when they came in with last-minute guests.

Oh, there are SO many things in-laws do. I guess what frustrates me, is that they’re family, but coming into their family as an adult, all of their traditional ways of interacting just really clash with me. It’s not that they’re bad people, or there’s anything particularly wrong with what they do (okay, sometimes there is), but we try to interact on a familial level and it doesn’t work because our family’s cultures are too different.

But anyway, I’m still allowed to complain, right?

1). They want me to call them “mum and dad.” Nope. Not happening. Not now, probably not ever. I may have married your son, but that doesn’t mean I’m your daughter.

2). Because they want me to be their daughter, they try to treat me the way they treat their children – patronising, condesceding, telling me what to do with my life (even how to dress!). I come from a family where you’re treated as an adult as soon as you can act like one. My mum spoke with me when I was 12-13, saying I could basically do whatever I wanted to because she trusted me to make the right decisions. My husband is 25 and his parents still treat him like he’s 5

3). They want us to have their grandchildren. Not our children, their grandchildren. It’s so frustrating when they talk about our future children in terms of how the child’s life will revolve around them (my in-laws). It makes me scared to have children, because the way they’re speaking, it’s as if they expect us to pretty much move in with them when kids come along.

4). Father-In-Law is a very aggressive man. Not that he gets into many fights, but he talks a lot about how a “real man” fights and stands up for himself (with his fists!). He gave me a lecture one day on how if anyone broke into his house, he would kill them and hide the body in the forest outside town. I also heard him tell my husband’s 12 year old cousin that if anyone gave him crap at high school, to “Just tell me and I’ll sort them out,” implying that he would beat up kids to take care of him nephew. I’m not at all comfortable with that kind of behaviour (or even telling children that it’s okay). Father-In-Law says he’s going to teach our children to fight and to be “tough.”

Post # 4
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

wow both your inlaws sound crazy!! 

My Future Mother-In-Law always puts her dog before my Fiance. She has had this dog for around 6 months and it bites and snaps so we cant have this dog around my son (he is 4 and so scared of dogs) so instead of leaving the dog at home so we can all meet up she would rather cancel plans with us for the dog. 

 

Another annoying thing about Future Mother-In-Law she never contacts Fiance but rings/texts me all the time to ask about Fiance … you wanna know how hes doing at work ask him not me!! 

She only ever wants to meet for breakfast, were not massive breakfast people we just like toast or cereal and we have it at around 7am or 8am she only wants to meet at 11am for a full english breakfast … no thanks. 

 

His stepmum is very overbearing and makes everything worse than it is, she is controlling and Fiance and his sister hate her so much they talk about it all the time and im worried that once we are married FSMIL will try to act that way with me, at the moment she is very bitchy but only behind my back which i dont mind because at least she plays nice to my face so we dont argue but she is different with family apparently and she reduces Fiance and Future Sister-In-Law to tears at least once a month. 

 

But its all okay because my family are just as annoying to Fiance lol 

Post # 5
Member
1815 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

I love my Future Mother-In-Law, she really is great, but every time we part ways after dinner or something (1-2 times per week) she comes over to hug me and kisses my cheek. I like hugs, but the kiss really gets in my personal bubble. I’ve never been part of a family that did that. I can’t explain why, but it makes me really uncomfortable. She’s been doing it ever since fiancé and I got engaged, which was 9 months ago. And there is no polite way to ask her to stop that doesn’t make an awkward situation!

 

Post # 6
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@bouncybee:  Ha, sounds just like my mum with the dog obsession. Doesn’t bother me too much anymore as I live in a different country, but my brother who has a 2 year old son gets so annoyed with the dog totally dictating her life (and therefore his whenever he is around her). This dog also cannot be trusted with kids and it has literally prevented my mother from having a proper relationship with her grandson as she won’t leave the dog. I love dogs, but seriously, it’s a DOG!

Re: In Laws (or out laws as I like to call them!), I so need a rant right now! Both in-laws are currently staying with us for 2 weeks. So far, they have sat on their a*ses the whole time while we wait on them hand and foot. Some days we have been at work all day and they have just mooched about, but they still don’t offer to cook or anything. They just sit there and watch us clear the table and wash up. 

Worse, they have sat back and let us pay for EVERYTHING since they got here and I don’t just mean food, I mean meals out, petrol over long distances for their benefit, accommodation in expensive hotels: hundreds of pounds. I am so angry right now. 

The problem is, my husband and his parents have a very ‘polite’ relationship and he would never say anything to them, but I am like ‘it’s my money too’. Grr. If it was my parents I would just say ‘get your wallet out’ or similar. Really don’t know how to deal with this, but feel I am about to explode!

Also, becasue my husband is not close to his parents, I have only met them a handful of times. They are like strangers in my house, spending my money! Should I say something to him? Anyone?

Post # 7
Member
4659 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@LadyElva:  Are you me?! Mostly about the attitude toward adult children in your family vs your FH’s. Its funny… my parents never really restricted me. Once I hit puberty I was given wine at dinner, a lock for my door, offered birth control no questions asked, and was treated almost more like a (slightly cranky) roommate than a child.

 

My dad even had a standing offer to pretend to fake-yell at me over the phone and pick me up if I said a code word that meant I was in an uncomfortable situation. Basically saying he’d take the heat and I should never feel uncool about leaving somewhere ’cause he’d make it look good haha. I did use it twice, we were DYING laughing once we were driving away. 

 

I sometimes feel bad for the adolescence my FH dealt with in comparison.

 

Though not a lot has changed for either of us…

Post # 8
Member
4337 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I really like my Mother-In-Law, but she has this habit of taking over things in a way that makes you feel like an ungrateful person if it bothers you. I must’ve mentioned in passing that I wanted to research geneology (my dad’s side) because she recently brought me a nice bag stuffed with folders and pens and things for grave rubbings along with a ton of information on DH’s family – and wants to plan trips to visit where his family is from. Great… except I wanted to do all this myself and on my family, not hers. The project got taken away from me.

We’ve had to stop even mentioning things unless we want her to take it over. When we first moved, we weren’t sure about the living room setup and must’ve said something because she decided to rearrange all our furniture without asking or involving us. Anytime we say we’re thinking about getting something, she buys it for us, even if was just a random comment.

Also, she goes out of her way to try not to step on my toes (ironically) and makes it very uncomfortable. (i.e., asking me if it’s okay to sit next to Darling Husband on the couch and such).

See? I sound ungrateful – it’s just that her involvement in everything we do is very overwhelming… and she lives 8 hours away.

Post # 9
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

I love readng these stories about in-laws because it brings me comfort. Go on. 

Post # 10
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

For the most part I love mine.  But it’s what my Future Father-In-Law does to my Fiance that drives me crazy.  FFIL does not approve of Fiance choosing to be a writer instead of the super successful businessman they set him up to be.  FFIL won’t call Fiance back for weeks at a time and then accuses Fiance of not loving Future Father-In-Law.  It’s so childish.  A few weeks ago Future Father-In-Law came to our new apartment to visit and Fiance had cleaned the house and had it set up nicely for his dad’s visit.  FFIL didn’t say anything and Fiance was crushed that Future Father-In-Law disapproves of our new apartment (I explained that was irrational and Future Father-In-Law won’t be happy unless and until we live in a bigger house than him and then Future Father-In-Law will probably be jealous and find something else to complain about or ignore.)

I hope that FI’s relationship with Future Father-In-Law improves by the time we have kids because I really don’t want Future Father-In-Law around if all he is going to do is criticize and hurt FI’s feelings; our children don’t need to see that and we definitely don’t want Fiance to have that kind of relationship with our kids.

Post # 12
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

These stories make me very happy that I don’t have in-laws.  We do all holidays and visits with my family and we both love it!!

I’m sad I never got to meet H’s mom, because it sounds like she was awesome.  His dad sounds like a piece of work though, so I’m not too sad about that 😉

Post # 13
Member
7651 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Father-In-Law yelled at me in the middle of a restaurant because I lipped off to him. He was in just as crappy of a mood as I was, and no one ever fights him. They give up because he is a verbal abuser. Well, I challenged him. He kept bothering us about moving closer to them. I got tired of telling him time and time again that we aren’t moving to where he wants us and told him if he wanted us to live closer so much why doesn’t he and Darling Husband buy a house together and live in it. He shouts, “YOU NEED TO THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU’RE SAYING AND WHO YOU’RE SAYING IT TO!” I said, “Back at you!” Then I ignored him which made him even more pissed off. He is contantly cutting his family down in front of everyone, and I didn’t grow up like that. You don’t do that, and you stick up for those you love. I have posted many things about him. Long story short, he’s a jack wagon.

MIL? She is bat shit crazy. She wants us spending the night every weekend, and when we go see her and are in public she will hang–I mean HANG on Darling Husband and nuzzle his arm and say, “I miss you. I want you to come see me more.” She is a hoarder, has a bad relationship with her husband, and tries to replace him with Darling Husband. She is always complaining. If we announce something nice she will say “Great.” and then start complaining about what could and will go wrong. If Darling Husband and I are having a conversation she will constantly say, “What?” “What did you say?” Like, lady, this is our conversation. Butt out.

I loathe the day I make her a grandma. My life will be over.

Post # 15
Member
7651 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@tirralirra:  Wow, they really could be besties. My Father-In-Law does that too. He is also one that believes that he is always right, even when he is wrong, and if you disagree with him that is a sign of disrespect. Darling Husband and mom always agree with whatever he says. I can’t do it. They have just totally shut down.

Post # 16
Member
2490 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law are amazing… they are so laid back and just want everyone to be happy. They just go with the flow.

Future Sister-In-Law…. eh. She is controlling and definitely gets way too involved in everyone’s business. She always has too much to say and tries to guilt trip whenever possible. It’s annoying!

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