Post # 1
Anyone else here not really into the hype surrounding weddings? I got engaged to my FI in August. Since then, I have been trying to figure out how I want to get married. I honestly never even thought I would get married, so I’ve never had the “white dress” dreams. I want more than a courthouse ceremony, but the thought of spending so much money on a wedding and reception makes me feel ill. Even trying to go low budget isn’t that inexpensive. It seems that there aren’t many venues in my area that accommodate 30 to 40 people, which is all the folks I’d really want at a wedding.
I’ve thought of so many different options, it makes me head hurt. I told FI he can’t discuss it with me for a while- lol. He loves me dearly and always says “I’d marry you tomorrow!” (love that about him!) He says he’d go with whatever I want as far as planning.
I’m such the “anti-bride”, I don’t even want a shower or bachelorette party. And, I hate having my picture taken. Ugh, is there help for me? And yes, I love my FI very much and want to marry and spend my life with him. I just can’t seem to get into the wedding zone.
Anyone else feel/felt this way? What did you do?
Post # 3
Not what we did – but tons of people do a small wedding (backyard, park, courthouse) and then get a private room at a restaurant for the “reception”. A good friend of mine did this in July and it was WONDERFUL!!
It’s your day – do whatever you and your FI want 🙂
Post # 4
I was very anti-bride also! I don’t like the attention and basically just wanted to get it over so I could be married to my sweet hubby! I ended up having a wedding at a beach about 5 hours away from where we live, inviting only 30 people, I actually wanted less than that but to appease his family I allowed it to be a little larger than I wanted.
Ours was super low budget. You sound like me though, I never had “white dress dreams” either. The whole planning thing made my head hurt, that’s why I went as simple and low fuss as possible. All in all I loved how things turned out, but I was insanely glad it was over!
Post # 5
1) I would only wear a wedding dress if I was Kate Moss or a princess
2) Wedding ceremonies don’t make me emotional
3) I hate formalities
4) I didn’t hire a photographer and I do not regret it at all.
5) I hate the idea of proposals.
I got married at the courthouse. Two months later my husband and I hosted a party for close friends and direct family because my mom gifted us the money to do so. It was perfect.
Post # 6
@futuremrsrns: I feel the same way. FH and I are doing a courthouse wedding with just the two of us. I do not want to spend the money on a party that will essentially be for his mom- who happens to not like me very much. I don’t have much family left, and it would be a waste of time and money to me. I said that I would rather have a nice ring, and the rest of the money that we would have spent on a ceremony and other related parties (showers, etc…) will go towards the down payment on our first home together.
If you’ve ever seen Parks and Recreation, both FH and I are like Ron Swanson.
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
We had our 35 person wedding over on the Eastern Shore. You can look at restaurants and a-typical places for some budget savings. Restaurants are particularly good because you can really minimize the amount of thought you have to put into things because the food, drink, and decor are already done for you. You can get a nice dress from Nordstrom, some flowers from Whole Foods, have a friend get ordained to perform the ceremony, and call it a day. Skip the bridal party, skip the pre-wedding festivities, skip the hoopla. Do something that feels authentic to you and your FI. It only needs to be as complicated as you make it out to be. Feel free to PM me if you want some ideas in MD.
Post # 8
@futuremrsrns: I’m with you – so excited for the marriage, not so much for the wedding. the idea of a bunch of people – even people I love – staring at me is horrific. wedding dresses all look the same to me… I can appreciate other ladies looking beautiful and ethereal, but I’ve yet to find one I would actually want to wear. I never played princess as a little girl – I was an assassin or a ninja on an intergalactic quest, and everyone knows ninjas don’t wear dresses! My mom would be heart broken if we eloped though… My parents have sacrificed everything for me and I could never let them down. I don’t know what I will do yet other than keep the guest list as small as possible.
Post # 9
Thank you ladies for helping me feel not so alone! My mother’s heart would be broken if I went to the courthouse- I know it’s really about what we want, but since I’m not giving her grandkinds, I do feel sort of obligated to at least a small, non courthouse wedding. And, I’m the only daughter. Le sigh.
@lovekiss- I will PM you!
@nightborn- I’m totally with you!
Post # 10
I’m pretty anti-bride too. My FI and I are getting married at the courthouse, and we’re having a reception at our local American Legion afterward; FI’s a member, and it’s only $250 ($350 for nonmembers) to rent for the whole day! My wedding dress budget is pretty low too, and I don’t want a huge fluffy ball gown. We’re not having a wedding party either – I can’t imagine having the additional stress of groomsmen and bridesmaids. We are having a photobooth at our reception, only because I won a $250 gift card.
Honestly, I’m having a hard time planning and getting into wedding mode too. I suggested eloping to FI, and he said that he would if circumstances were different (his family would FLIP SHIT) he would. Have you guys thought about eloping?
Post # 11
@futuremrsrns: Oh yeah, I know the feeling ! I am torn between a) what others expect about a wedding and b) what I want and what it means to me. FI and I are going back and forth with small wedding to elopment. I hate to spend money right now, because I would rather save more for a house or for a long weddingmoon. We’re on standby right now, we initially found a venue (and just like you, even trying to get a low budget was impossible, everything was so expensive when it came to dinner and caterer). We decided we would get married in winter in hopes it would cost less, but it won’t. I never saw myself wearing a white wedding dress either, but surprisingly enough, I ended up buying one (200$ pre-owned in classified ads) because I couldn’t find anything I liked in stores in formal evening wear.
I hate the idea of telling my vows in front of a crowd. I really don’t know what we’ll do. FI and I both hate to be the center of attention.
FI didn’t propose, we talked about getting married or not getting married and decided it sitting on a couch.
I don’t know what we’ll decide, but right now I am not sure this is what I want anymore.
Post # 12
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
@futuremrsrns: I wanted to re-visit and mention that you should go to the library and get A Practical Wedding: Creative Ideas for Planning a Beautiful, Affordable, and Meaningful Celebration by Meg Keene (or buy it on Amazon). The author is a) hilarious and awesome, and b) really smart when it comes to weeding through all of the wedding bs to decide what really matters most to you. Consider this book a giant dose of sanity. Good stuff!
Also, in case you want some suggestions in MD that are pretty low pressure, consider the Rusty Scupper (Baltimore) or Chart House (Annapolis) for a waterfront ceremony and dining option, The Inn at Brookeville Farms (Brookeville in MoCo) or Alexanders (Buckeystown in Frederick Co) for a country feel, or Coradetti Glass Studio (Baltimore) for something hip and contemporary. B&Bs are also good options for small weddings. And remember, you can have a 5 minute wedding ceremony. It does not have to be long! Our friends literally had a short welcome, the “I dos,” and the pronouncement. It was done in 6 minutes, and they were all like, hey, let’s go party now! You know what? It worked!
Post # 13
This is exactly how I feel. We are doing a destination wedding but I really wanted to just have a courthouse one. I begged FI but he said his parents would just be too devastated if we didn’t have a wedding. He coaxed me by saying that a destination wedding would mean a vacation (one of my favourite things to do) that we just happened to get married on. I have spent hours on end with my calculator trying to reduce the budget and I’ve been obsessively scrimping and saving. I also don’t want a real bachelorette or bridal shower and we’ve asked for no gifts because I just think it’s unnecessary. If I could have it my way, we’d be getting married right here on my couch with some papers and a JP.
Post # 14
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
I’m not totally anti-wedding, but I’m feeling very anti-wedding industry. You should get married in the way that makes you happy, b/c hype or not, it is an important event in your life.
Post # 15
@futuremrsrns: I’m in a similar boat but having a larger wedding as we both have a lot of family and we want them there.
I’ve never dreamed about my wedding, when I got my dress I didn’t want to pick anything out, I just wanted something that looked great on me.
The best thing about weddings is that every one of them is different as it should be a reflection of you and how you want to demonstrate your path into matrimony to the public.
Elope, courthouse, backyard, large gala affair, it doesn’t matter as long as you and your FI are happy!
I’m planning in a short amount of time, it’s a lot less stress to not be picky!
Post # 16
@futuremrsrns: I am totally an anti-bride. I did not care much about the wedding, to be honest. We got engaged, and I did not really start planning until 1.5 months before the wedding (6 months after engagement). We only invited 28 people, and had a very laid back ceremony and reception for less than 3k. I did not care for bachelorette parties, bridal parties, and did not have bridesmaids or groomsmen.