(Closed) The "Anti-bride" Bride…

posted 8 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 31
1 posts


futuremrsrns:  I am so on the same page as you regarding being an “anti-bride.” I was married 9 years ago and it was the wedding of my dreams. I begged my family and friends to NOT hold a shower for me. I detest them! They complied. I think it is just obscene the way weddings nowadays are all about how much is spent on the dress and reception. It’s all a big show. I was determined to have a very intimate gathering of our immediate families and closest friends only, and no children. And we did it.

We had no photographer and yet we have hundreds of photographs from the guests. We had a matron of honor and a best man, and that was it. We had no programs or favors or any of that stuff that only adds to the expense and are just so unnecessary. Not having any of the usual stuff that is at almost EVERY wedding did not detract one bit from ours.

I bought my gown from a Chadwick’s catalog for $99. It was a gorgeous, off-white, off-the-shoulder, full-length, tasteful gown and was just as pretty as similar gowns in bridal shops that cost hundreds and hundreds of dollars. We got married at a small local museum that is actually an old mansion. We had about 60 guests. We were married there in a civil ceremony and the reception was immediately after the ceremony in the same building. We had our favorite restaurant cater the affair and the entire wedding cost us less than $3,000.

I know people who’ve spent over $15,000 on their weddings and they’re not even married anymore. I see you posted your comment seven months ago and you’re probably already married by now. I hope everything was what you hoped for. Remember, it’s not about the wedding, it’s about the marriage. Good for you for not obsessing about having the world’s biggest and best wedding. I applaud you and your commentors for not being a ridiculous “Bridezilla”. Congratulations to you and I wish you a long and happy married life!

Post # 32
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

i would definitely consider myself to be anti bride (much to the despair of my family and friends!).

We had a low key ringless proposal, it was months before I actually had the ring and then we just very quietly started mentioning it to the wider circle (no big announcements or engagement party). I plan to order my simple dress cheaply online without ever stepping foot inside a bridal shop (trying on loads of overpriced poofy dresses is my idea of hell lol), i don’t want a bridal shower or hen do/bachelorette or rehearsal dinner or any of the other add-on days that most brides love.

Dont get me wrong, i am very happy to be getting marrying the man of my dreams and am surprising myself with how enthusiastically i am planning ‘the wedding’ but the whole typical big white wedding thing just doesn’t do it for me at all. Our wedding will be more like a celebration/family garden party…it’s a Destination Wedding for a start and there won’t be a cake, speeches, first dance etc. The only reason I’m having bridesmaids is because my girls would be upset and offended if i didn’t and even then i have just picked a colour and told them to get whatever dress they want (they don’t need to do anything at all except show up on the day and have a good time). I won’t be spending a small fortune on extravagant favours or fancy centre pieces…

It’s a constant battle between me wanting to play it down and have a nice, informal day versus my family and friends who are going on like it’s the wedding of the century lol 😉

  • This reply was modified 7 years, 8 months ago by SellyJo.
Post # 33
2766 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I share similar sentiments but have never considered myself the “anti-bride,” but likely because I haven’t thought about what’s typical.

I’ve always been very reserved, and don’t see that changing for my wedding. I don’t want a shower or a bachelorette. I won’t be having bridesmaids, or spending the night before away from my Fiance.

Right now, I’m struggling with having a small intimate outdoor ceremony and then a small reception at a nice restaurant, or getting hitched at city hall and then having a small reception. 30-40 people max, and the only friends invited are our life long friends.

The hardest part will be excluding friends. I have a lot of close friends who will not be invited, and O know they will be upset. I do not talk about my wedding with anyone except my Fiance and my family because I don’t want anyone to think “it’s a big deal.” Meanwhile, it’s a huge deal for me, but I’m really worried about dealing with the fall out of not having 50+ friends invited. 

You can have an atypical wedding and still do some traditional things. I will have a secular Ketubah, my parents will walk me down the aisle (as is our tradition), and we will not have a first look, even though I know they are very popular. 

Finding vendors is hard! The wedding is just not big enough for the event stylist I want to work with to sign on. Their fee, if they charged a flat rate, would likely match our total budget! Photographers are also expensive because the packages include like 600 photos and 8+ hours of coverage. Negotiating a smaller package is just not worth the money for a Saturday night for a popular photographer. These aspects have been hard to deal with, but we’re still working out the details.

Post # 34
1014 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Eloping.  No engagement party, no showers, no post-wedding celebrations.  No white dress picked out and there won’t be one, either.  I will wear whatever dress or outfit that I already have in my closet and feel like wearing.

I joined this website thinking it might change my mind about eloping.  After reading all the crap that everyone has had to deal with as far as planning goes, it has totally made me realize that I don’t want to deal with any of that bullshit and that we made the right decision. 

Post # 35
278 posts
Helper bee

I felt this way, I was so nervous about my actual wedding but wanted to be married. I didn’t want a shower but did end up having one and did not have a bachelorette party. Now that it’s all over, I’m glad I went through all of it and will have the photos/video/etc to look back on one day. But it was so stressful and even though it’s been almost 2 months since the wedding I still think “man I’m glad that’s over” almost every day lol.

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