(Closed) The ‘asking for money’ arguement

posted 6 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

If your family wouldn’t care, sure go ahead and ask.

I think *in general* the attitude tends to be that when they gift is implied, aka you’re saying “Well you’re going to get me a gift anyway so please make it money”, that sometimes doesn’t sit well with people. A gift should be accepted with appreciation, not dictated.

Personally if I saw “Please give money instead of gifts” on an invitation or something, I’d be a little put off by that. That of course, is just one person’s opinion.

Post # 4
Member
2273 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It seems to be a given here (well at the weddings I have been to anyway) to have a wishing well. Often a cute little poem is put on the wedding website or included with the invite to explain this to guests.

For example:

More than just kisses so far we’ve shared
Our home has been made with love and care
Most things we need we’ve already got
Like a toaster and kettle, pans and pots

A wishing well we thought would be great
(but only if you wish to participate)
A gift of money is placed in the well
Then make a wish … but do not tell 
Once we’ve replaced the old with the new
We can look back and say it was thanks to you! 
And in return for your kindness we’re sure
that one day soon you’ll get what you wished for!

This website has heaps of different ideas for poems too…

http://www.bridesofaustralia.com/Wishing_Well_Wording_Poem.html

Post # 5
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

We got 99% monetary gifts for the wedding and we DID register. I think it is more common now to give money.

However, I always think it’s rude for someone to tell me what to give them and implies that you are expecting a gift!

I think if you don’t register and if people ask where you’re registered you can simply explain the situation. But I wouldnt put it in the invite!

Post # 6
Member
12976 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@KatyElle: I agree.  You know your guests best.  I, however, would be irritated to see that on an invitation.  It’s okay to spread your wish through word of mouth (most often done by the parents), but I think it’s very, very rude to put it on an invitation.  As a guest, if I saw that, I’d actually give less of a gift than I was planning to give, mostly because I don’t like being told what to give (and I always just give cash/check, regardless of the wedding).

Post # 7
Member
12976 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@ShellVee: I think this must be an Australian custom; I’ve never seen it here in the U.S., and even just reading it in your post, it gets under my skin for poor etiquette.  But, just goes to show how different areas of the world view things so differently!

Post # 8
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I normally give money to weddings I attend, as do most of my friends. I only give a gift when it’s a close friend and I know she really wants the registry gift.

I really, really wanted my registry gifts and I had friends and family spread the word so I got a few more registry gifts than the norm. I still probably had at least 75% of my guests gift us money.

I think guests want to give gifts so that you think of the recipient when you use it. I easily have forgotten what monetary amount my relatives gave me, but I’ll always remember who gave me my kitchenaid or my silverware.

Post # 9
Member
5148 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Honestly, if I got an invitation with a “cute” poem saying “give us money”, I wouldn’t get then anything. No gift, no money, nothing.

 

You can register for some small stuff you do want/need. Then by word of mouth have your parents and wedding party spread the registry news and add on at the end “and they’re moving into a new house soon, with a baby on the way, so giftcards to Lowes/Home Depot, or perhaps even cash would also be useful”. It should be added in a way it seems like an afterthought, not the main part of the registry announcement.

Post # 10
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Ehh. To eachs own. I wouldnt put anything mentioning gifts or registries or money anywhere near an invitation. I still personally think its rude to just ask your guests for money or to imply that youn want a monetary gift instead of a physical one. And i certaintly wuldnt be impressed if i got an invitation that told me what to give as a gift to the bride and groom. But again, to eachs own..

Post # 12
Member
741 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Our apartment is about the size of a shoebox and we have been living her for a few years, so we would much rather have the cash to get a bigger place or go on a honeymoon. I am registering anyways and just asking for a few things just to make it balanced I guess. 

Post # 13
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If your family is ok with asking for money, then go for it. If you’re asking if I (or other bees) agree with asking for money, I really don’t think you’ll get a lot of positive feedback. Our opinion doesn’t matter in this case because it seems like you’re pretty set on asking for money.

@ShellVee: I think the wishing well poems are even worse than writing on the invite “give me money.” Oh they make me cringe so bad!!!!

Post # 14
Member
5148 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@redheadem – I agree. I think the poems add insult to injury.

Post # 16
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Agree with PP, no poems, and word-of-mouth only to those who ask (nothing on the invite).

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