Post # 1
I have a problem. While ignoring it would work in some ways, I thought that you wonderful bees and avid memebers might have some advice on how to best deal with it.
A little background…
My best friend introduced me to a friend of hers a couple years back. For a short time, she and I were sort of friends. It was short lived though as I realized that she only contacted me when she needed something and that our personalities just didn’t mesh at all. I have barely heard from her at all in over a year except for running into her at a couple of events at my best friend’s house.
She is currently in school learning hair and make-up and had apparently assumed that I would be hiring her. She offered her services a while back at which time I indicated that I appreciated the offer but wasn’t considering hair and make-up yet. This past weekend I happened to be at a wedding that she was working. I was appalled by her lack of preparation, planning and professionalism. I felt horrible for the bride who is a wonderful, sweet, easy going woman.
Later that day, the friend asked if I would be hiring her or not. Quite frankly I was surprised she would even ask such a question after what I had seen that day but nonetheless, I responded that I hadn’t gotten to that point in the planning process yet but that my fiance and I had made a rule not to hire people that we knew so likely no. After attempting to argue the point with me for some time, as I didn’t join in the debate at all, she finally seemed to accept that I would not be hiring her.
And now my challenge…Thought that was it didn’t you? While still debating being the one I should hire, she indicated that it would be nice to attend a wedding that she didn’t have to work and could just enjoy as a friend. My challenge?…..She isn’t invited to my wedding! She isn’t even on my “B” list of possible guests.
It isn’t because the wedding is small, the guest list is approximately 300. She isn’t invited because I don’t consider her a friend. I find her constant need to be the center of attention even over top of a bride when she is supposed to be working to be aggravating. I don’t spend time with her or hear from her at all. She hasn’t invited me to anything that she has planned over the last year either so I was really surprised to hear that she had assumed that she was invited. Even moreso since she is aware that my save the dates have gone out and she didn’t receive one! I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing at the time.
So now I ask for your advice….how do you deal with people who assume they are invited? Especially when you can’t say that it is a small affair just for close family?
Post # 3
Honestly, I would probably just ignore her, but if she brings it up again, just tell her you have a very strict budget and that you already have your numbers submitted to the venue and caterer, so you are sorry, but she won’t be able to come. Or you can blame it on your’s or your FI’s parents and tell her that they have the final say on the guest count and you aren’t allowed to invite anyone else.
Post # 4
I second ignoring and not engaging with her. Honestly if you are facebook friends I would even consider defriending or limiting her profile so she can’t pester you. I had someone like that once and I realized that we weren’t even friends and I didn’t want drama so I just disengaged and removed her.
Post # 5
Yeah I’ll say ignore her. If/When you see her again don’t bring up your wedding. If she brings it up try to change the subject. After a while she will get the message that either you don’t like to talk about the wedding or she isn’t invited to the wedding.
Post # 6
Well you said you don’t see or talk to her often so hopefully you just won’t run into her again before that and the whole situation can be avoided. But if you do and she asks again, I would just tell her that the guestlist has already been finalized and there just wasn’t space unfortunately and then try to remove yourself from the conversation. It’s rude of her to expect to attend your wedding and make you feel uncomfortable about it so I would just try to avoid her as much as possible until then.
Post # 7
Well, if you don’t see her or talk to her often, just ignore it and the problem will go away. If she brings it up to you, just say that you already put together your guest list and while you would have loved to invite everyone you know, you and your fiance had to make cuts somewhere.
Post # 8
I’d ignore her. You really don’t owe her an explanation, as to why you’re not hiring her or inviting her as a guest. I think a lot of us have someone like this in our lives, I do too. There is a girl that is friends with one of my BM’s. I knew her in college but I didn’t like her, she was friends with a group of girls who hated me (because one of their boyfriends liked me). We graduated years ago and I’ve only seen her 2x’s since, and I’ve been cordial. That’s it, just cordial. Yet the last time I saw her she asked me if she could bring a guest. I was like, “Can you bring a guest to what?!?”. She thought I was kidding so I just pretended someone called my name and walked away! I am always trying to figure this stuff out. Is it just that they’re completely unaware of how this goes? That the bride/groom/family invites people they actually have a relationship with. Or are they so desperate to be invited that they’d sacrifice a little bit of their pride by asking for an invite. Ok, done rambling- just ignore her! Like I am 🙂
Post # 9
I also agree with ignoring her, removing/limiting her access to your Facebook page, etc.
Although, sometimes, I think people like that deserve to be told the truth, point-blank. “I am not hiring you, due to the lack of professionalism and organization I saw from you at OtherBride’s wedding. I am not inviting you, because I do not consider you a friend and find your constant need to be the center of attention off-putting.”
But then again, maybe I’m just a b****.
Post # 10
I’d just ignore her, and NOT TALK at all about wedding stuff near her. She’ll either get the hint, or not. But it’s not your problemo !
Post # 11
Just don’t send her an invitation.
Post # 12
Thank you for all the advice ladies! I too thought that ignoring the comment and just avoiding the rare occasion that I would even run into would be best but wasn’t sure. I am happy to see that everyone agrees!
@Jennifer Espos I too am constantly trying to just figure these things out. I have no idea how she could be so oblivious to the fact that her attitude is off putting to a number of people. And how she could have possibly not seen how unprofessional
@FutureMrsSpinewiz I agree wholeheartedly. I would love to just tell it like it is and tell her the absolute truth. I am a tad more cautious with her given her friendship with my best friend as I would never want her to be stuck between the two of us.
Cordially ignoring her it is!