The awkwardly uninvited

posted 4 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2517 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Ok deep breath – it’s ok. The verbal ‘see you at the wedding’ means nothing. No need to invite those ppl. It was an honest mistake based on an assumption that they would be there and not knowing who those ppl were. Ignore and move on.

 

for the colleague – wait and see. If you have space invite her. If you don’t you don’t. She hasn’t known you long so I doubt expects an invite. Also I don’t think she’d be offended being asked last min. Especially if you explain that the guest list was finalised before you met, but now that great aunt Norah can’t make it you’d much rather have her there. peekaboobs :  

Post # 3
Member
5783 posts
Bee Keeper

I think its definitely not on you to invite the randos that attended the bridal shower. That was Future Mother-In-Law & FFILs issue. 

For your co-worker, I would consider a B-list for her. I NEVER think B-lists are cool, but I think it would be incredibly hurtful to be the ONLY person excluded. Also, I would get your co-workers addresses and mail the invites so you aren’t handing them out at work unless you intend to give her an invite up front. Again, that would just further perpetuate her exclusion. I would consider the $250 a drop in the bucket to avoid future career issues! 

Post # 4
Member
2277 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I would not spend more money to invite strangers or new coworkers to my wedding, keep the guest list as it is. 

For your coworker, I get that it might suck feeling “left out” but realistically, she got hired on 5 months ago, she must realize that that’s too soon for her to recieve an invite to your wedding? If I were in her shoes, I wouldnt be offended. She’s probably joining in on the wedding talk to be social and get to know you guys.

Post # 6
Member
5783 posts
Bee Keeper

peekaboobs :  B list is giving out extra invites when people decline. AKA – not good enough for the A list, but if you have an opening they are good enough to fill a seat. A new person is one of the only (imo) acceptable uses of a B list, new friend, new co-worker, new spouse, etc. 

Post # 7
Member
203 posts
Helper bee

peekaboobs :  This is why the bride and groom should make it clear from the beginning that they are the only ones in control of the guest list.

But bee, this is no longer about guest lists or money, you need to show your inlaws who is in control of your lives. They went behind your back and you need to do what needs to be done to make sure they dont come to the wedding. Tell The inlaws they need to inform these guests that they are not invited. Get their address and send them a letter or phone call if you must. But dont let the inlaws think they can control you.

Post # 8
Member
2826 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I’d leave your guest list as is. It’s not on you to take on the added cost and headache of inviting random people to your wedding because someone else screwed up their communication. 

As for the coworker – putting myself in her shoes I wouldn’t be hurt by not getting an invitation. You hardly know her and had your guest list sorted before she even started. But this is also why I’m firmly on team “no coworkers at weddings”. 

Post # 10
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

I wouldn’t worry about either!

My mum invited a handful of people to my shower that weren’t invited to the wedding. I felt terrible at first and asked her not to – but apparently in her group of friends that’s just how they all do it. That way they still get to celebrate with their friends when they can’t invite them to the wedding. It’s not like inviting your own acquaintance to the shower, but not the wedding. 

Besides, even if there was a miscommunication it’s totally not your issue. They’ll know that you didn’t personally invite them to the shower since you don’t even know them.

AND I wouldn’t worry about the coworker either. Inviting coworkers isn’t even that common. If she’s only been there a few months I really doubt she’ll expect an invite! 

Post # 11
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee

I would keep my list as is unless parents are willing to pay for any extra guests. As for the new coworker this is your wedding. It’s not an office birthday party. She is not your friend and should not expect or be given an invitation. The people you invited from your job are not just coworkers they are your friends. 

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