(Closed) The B-List… as a guest!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: How do you feel about being a B-List Guest
    Fine! An invite is an invite : (28 votes)
    41 %
    Meh - I'm not that close to them, so I'm surprised I was even B-list : (21 votes)
    31 %
    Meh - I'd feel like it's an afterthought to appease someone : (17 votes)
    25 %
    Other.... : (2 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    3471 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

    Honestly, I don’t mind– I’ve been a B-lister before, and coming from a big family, I completely get it! if I have to choose between inviting my aunt and uncle and an old college friend– the family wins, but if they’re suddenly in thailand or something– i’d call up the old friend in a heart beat! 

    Post # 4
    4272 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I probably would decline the invitation.

    Post # 5
    2281 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    If it were someone I thought was a close friend, I might mind, but otherwise, I figure it’s nice to be included. I might even assume that they’re relieved to be able to invite me after all.

    Post # 6
    6512 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I wouldn’t mind at all (as long as it wasn’t like the week before or something!)  So many people have big familes that they HAVE to invite first, and then they can invite more of their friends if some of the obligatory invites decline.  Unless the person was my BFF, I would not be mad.

    Post # 7
    5428 posts
    Bee Keeper

    How do you know it’s a “B-list”?

    Post # 8
    1068 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I think you said it yourself, you wished you could have invited more people, but didn’t have room! Nothing wrong with beinga  B lister. It means that they didn’t have room for you, but now they do. Hooray!

    Post # 10
    4755 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    If I THOUGHT I was an “A-list” guest I’d be upset. If I knew I was not that close with the couple I’d be like SWEEEET PARTAYYYY

    Post # 11
    3182 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @vmec:  Exactly.

    I figured I couldn’t be any madder for being a B-list invite than if I wasn’t invited at all.  

    Post # 12
    602 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I’m the lone other vote right now…. It really depends on my relationship wtih the bride and groom and what kind of wedding they are having.  


    I think I was blisted this summer… I didn’t expect and invite as we weren’t able to invite them to ours,  but a lot of our friends were going.  We got a text at the RSVP date saying they were “missing ours” and asked if we were coming.  I mean maybe the invite legit got lost,  but I think it was a “well we have space let’s be nice”.  In this scenario I was fine with it,  but if we were closer and the same thing happened I might feel otherwise.

    Post # 13
    9952 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    “B-Listing” has been around for eons… both for Weddings as well as other major social events

    The trick for the Host is knowing how to organize things so that your Guests ARE NOT AWARE they are B-Listed.  Otherwise, it is a HUGE breach of etiquette !!

    The key for weddings is clearly in getting your first round of Invites out early… and giving a good amount of lead time for the RSVPs… as the Regrets come back in… you send out aprox 50% of that number again as Round B Invites (so have 20 Regrets in hand = 40 Guests… send out 10 Invites = 20 Guests).  This ensures you have some “wiggle room” incase for some reason, someone who previously said NO calls you to say they’ve been able to rearrange things, and now will be coming

    NOTE – B-List Invites DO NOT have to be sent out all at once… they can trickle out in the same way that the Regrets trickle in.

    Typically the B-List folks are more local than the A-List folks (example, Co-Workers, Childhood Friends, Friends of Mom & Dad etc) … so having a shorter lead time to RSVP isn’t a big deal… folks you would love to have there, if only you could spare the space !!

    Most people aren’t offended, they are actually thrilled to get an invite, and because they are “friends” vs family, and because of that, they don’t necessarily have the info that the first round of Invites went out earlier.

    Like other things in Etiquette, where this all falls apart… is how many people today don’t realize how to make this work properly… so ya, it is NEVER cool to get an Invite AFTER the RSVP REPLY BY DATE has passed.  (*Rolls Eyes*) Nothing could be clearer that one is an after-thought than that !!


    Post # 14
    2281 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @oracle:  That does not sound like B-list, that sounds like a genuine oversight that got corrected. 

    Somehow a girl we’re really close to, whom we were just sure we’d put on the rehearsal dinner invite list, did not get one. I discovered this a few hours before the dinner, when we were leaving an event that afternoon and she made no mention of seeing me at the dinner. I was mortified, and asked her if she was still free. She was delighted to come. So embarrassing! And such a relief that we caught it in time (but JUST in time!), and that she was willing to forgive our sloppiness. I don’t know if it was us, or Father-In-Law and StepMIL (who did invitations) who overlooked her. I’m still just horrified that it happened.

    Post # 15
    11166 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    To be honest I might have been a B-list guest before and didn’t know it, which is the whole point. For someone to otherwise indicate that you are a B-list invite, in my mind, defeats the point of having a B-list to begin with.

    If I knew that I was a B-list guest I probably wouldn’t be bothered with going. If we aren’t close enough for me to make the cut the first time around (again, that I know of) then why bother taking time off work, spending the money etc?

    Post # 16
    2892 posts
    Sugar bee

    I would be totally fine with it. I get it. Sometimes a family member trumped a friend. Family member can’t make it but you’d love to have me? Great! I’d love to come. But I ONLY keep close friends. If you’re an acquaintance or a friend I’ve grown distant with we don’t even talk enough for you to know my address or even place of work to give me an invite so there is no worry with getting some random B-list invite from someone I barely know. In that case I’d decline. But a close friend? Yeah. I’m there. A-list, B-list, or M-list. 

    The topic ‘The B-List… as a guest!’ is closed to new replies.

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