Post # 1
I’m talking boundaries here! How do you set them up for yourself/your future hubby? I had a long conversation with my mom today and was very tearfully explaining how fh’s family asks more out of us than we can give. I think it’s time we set some boundaries, for my personal sanity and for his peace of mind.
How did you guys go about setting yours and what in general do you think is/is not healthy? Just wondering! I think I’m going to feel a lot better after figuring this out. 🙂
Post # 3
You say “NO” a lot. That’s pretty much it. You say no and stand your ground when they keep pushing you to cave.
Post # 4
I think it’s really different for every couple depending on the types of families you are facing.
My Mother-In-Law is a terror. I’m not exaggerating. She tries to bully and corner me whenever she gets me alone. We made a pact that he won’t ever expect me to answer the phone when she calls, and if she is being rude or aggressive to me, he will step in and stand up for me no matter what. Other than his mother, I have no qualms with the rest of his family.
My family honestly clicked with my SO from day one, so we were lucky and didn’t have to set any boundaries there.
Post # 5
We don’t have concrete boundaries because, honestly, we haven’t had either of our families put us in really uncomfortable situations. However, I guess if I really had to think about it, it comes down to putting your spouse’s needs and feelings above anyone else’s.
Some boundaries that I think are no-brainers
Becoming too involved or opinionated on our personal finances (unsolicited help)
Inserting yourself into our sex life in any way (asking inappropriate questions, etc.)
Not respecting our future decisions on children, buying a home, etc.
I think there is always a fine line between giving advice/sharing your opinion and being disrespectful. Sorry you are going through this. Can you give any more details on what they are expecting of you that you feel is unreasonable?
Post # 6
My family is no problem here, they are always making suggestions when we ask for them but that’s it. FH’s family is 8 hours away from us and the longer we are together, the more they ask him to travel to see them. They never did this when we were not dating and I’m afraid it’s going to get worse in the future. We don’t forsee ourselves being able to travel that far that often and the family knows this. I don’t want the guilt-tripping to begin now, before we even have children. We have explained to them but coming from a town where no one comes or leaves their immediate family, they really dont’ understand. I don’t want to be rude but I do want it to be clear to them that FH and I intend to start a family on our own, away from them for many reasons not limited to our jobs.
Post # 7
@SimplyChic11: He is the one who willhave to put his foot down first. My Fiance has been the man in his mom’s life and her only child. When we started dating it was ok but when she realized it was getting serious things took a turn. It was always some kind of drama or competition for her while I just let her be.
An example is we went bowling, the 3 of us, and she did her dammest to try and show me up since I said I was not much of a bowler to begin with and when I threw the ball in the gutter, it was all she could do to try and remind me all night until my Fiance helped me bowl and I threw a strike.
We got engaged and there were a few incidents after that until the last incident involving her birthday where my Fiance finally said enough is enough! Since then everything has been ok (Fingers crossed) but I still have a wall up for now.