Post # 1
I posted a while ago about having baby fever, but this time it’s way worse! Back story, I’m 25 and starting my doctorate in music this fall and husband is 29 with a full time job. I received a teaching assistantship where my stipend will be greater than his income while I’m in school, allowing us to take care of some debt in the near future and positively affect our financial situation.
Anyways, I really feel that now is a good time to get pregnant. I could get pregnant by September and have the baby shortly after my semester is over, giving me the whole summer off. Next fall, I may not need to go to school every day and I just feel like it would be easier to have a newborn during grad school vs. the first year of an academic job. Am I crazy?
Also, I haven’t said anything to my husband yet- I’m a bit nervous. I brought something up last time before we knew about my teaching assistantship, and he said to just finish school first.
Post # 2
Grad school is really intense. Personally, I would not choose to have a child during grad school, especially because it’s a great time to network and really invest your all in your chosen area of interest.
Post # 3
I just finished my master’s at the same school, and the doctorate is not any more intense. I also have a 100 mile commute each way, and that’s been very doable for the past 2 years.
Post # 4
I don’t doubt it’s doable to have a baby while working on a doctorate. A lot of women do it and that’s great. All I’m saying is in your situation, I would not choose to conceive at the same time as working on a doctorate, doing a teaching assistantship, and commuting 200 miles roundtrip. You asked if it was crazy and I wouldn’t use that word. But since you asked, it’s a decision I would advise against.
Post # 5
I guess you really would need to weigh the pro’s and con’s of the situation.
You’re still pretty young, and if fertility is not an issue then it wouldn’t hurt to maybe wait a few years. I would say at least until you’re in the midst of your doctorate because you might find it’s more intense than you thought.
Also holy crap 100 miles both ways!? Is there no way to move closer?
Post # 6
Timing doesn’t always work out the way you want to when you’re TTC. Sure you could get pregnant right away and have the whole summer off but you might not get pregnant right away and end up pregnant during the summer and due in the fall.
And you have a 100 mile commute to school? Yeah I definitely wouldn’t TTC while I’m commuting 200 miles a day.
Post # 7
I say go for it– if your husband agrees. I had my daughter in undergrad and my son my first year of medical school. It was hard but I was very organized and determined & of course succeeded with the help of my husband. I wouldn’t advise just anyone to have a baby during grad school but you seem very determined. I hope it all works out in your favor! Congratulations on your academic achievements!
ETA– just read that you commute 100 miles both ways. I’d probably move closer. Time is going to be tight enough already you don’t want to waste 2 hours each way on driving and then that’s gas money you can save for the baby.
Post # 8
I appreciate your honest input!
my husband didn’t want to uproot at his job, so I chose to commute to the closest school with my program. I love the city we live in as well, so moving wouldn’t have made sense. I know, it’s super unconventional.
Thanks for your input! Do you feel like that was still the best time to have children? I know med school is a lot tougher than music school
Post # 9
I know a lot of female med students who have babies either 3rd or 4th year or they waited until residency—to be honest with med school and residency and fellowships, there is always going to be something. Personally, I am glad I had my son during my first year because the first two years are didactic years vs the last two years you’re on rotations and depending on the rotation you can do 12 hour, 24 hour shifts. I think that would’ve been harder if I wouldve waited.
I’ve also met quite a few female attending that’s had “geriatric” pregnancies because they waited to finish their training and get established in their practice and there’s nothing wrong with that either. Everyone’s journey and wants are different so it’s truly up to that person.
Post # 10
- Wedding: June 2019 - City, State
Sounds a little crazy to me, and I would wait, but to each her own!
Post # 11
I understand how it seems like a great idea to get pregnant while in school because not much would change. However, this is predicated on the belief that you’ll have an easy uneventful pregnancy. That is not always the case though. I was pregnant at the age of 27 and I was sick for 7 months of my pregnancy with hyperemesis gravidarum. I took the medication and it really didn’t work that well. I drank broth for the first 6-7 months and was hospitalized for dehydration. Because of this, I was weak and exhausted. After 7 months, I threw up every day but not all day. I had a sizeable fibroid…the list goes on. I ended up with a healthy baby and I don’t say these things to scare you, but not all women have a model pregnancy. I could barely work or function while pregnant. I went from superwoman to somebody who relied on her spouse to do EVERYTHING until I gave birth. No way I could have done school. Things to consider…
Post # 12
If you haven’t started the doctorate yet, how do you know it isn’t any more intense? Regardless, there’s no way I could have gone to school with a newborn, but you do you. I think at 25 you are awfully young and have plenty of time. I wouldn’t rush straight to babies before finishing school.
Post # 13
I’m currently pregnant and am a PhD student. My biggest concern with your plan is that it is not often easy or even possible to time your pregnancy perfectly. When you say if you get pregnant by September you will be able to take the whole summer off with the baby, you realistically only have 2 months left to try, with a 25-30% chance of that happening each month if you have absolutely perfect timing and fertility. I am all for people having babies in grad school but I think that trying to do so without planning on taking any maternity leave is setting yourself up for failure.. I will be taking 8-12 months off and acknowledge that I might not complete my fall semester if my December baby decides to come early or if I have any medical complications.
Post # 14
How long is your DMA going to take? I’m a professional musician and most of my colleagues with DMA’s programs took 3 years. I would absolutely wait until you have atleast completed your first year, especially with that kind of commute and a teaching assistantship. I am 27 weeks pregnant and I obviously assume sleep is out the window once baby arrives but I had NO idea how drastically my life would change the moment that stick turned pink. Some people luck out and have super easy pregnancies, but my nausea and exhaustion has made keeping up my normal work load nearly impossible and this baby isn’t even here yet! So the tough stuff doesn’t just start once baby arrives. I would say I’ve had pretty intesne baby fever for 3-4 years now, but I’m so grateful that I took the time to get totally situated in my career before I got pregnant. I’m 32 so certainly not a spring chicken, but not super old either.
Post # 15
As someone who is 28 weeks pregnant now, it’s a crazy unexpected journey. You will have no way to predict how hard it is for you, what your symptoms will be and since you have plenty of time I would wait if I were in your shoes. I’ve been shocked and surprised at every step of this journey. From how physically draining it is to how emotionally taxing it can be. None of it is what I expected and the symptoms both physical and mental seem to appear out of nowhere and kick you in the side of your head lol. And compared to what some go though you could say mine is an “easy” pregnancy.
It’s made me work through exhausting emotions that aren’t rooted in reality but in hormones and it takes a lot to recognize the irrational nature of those feelings and know they are just hormones. Physically at 28 weeks going on a 1 mile walk exhausted me to the point I needed a nap and I’m a very healthy person. Earlier in my pregnancy I had more energy so it’s kind of backwards how draining it now is. Some days the thought of having to cook dinner makes you want to cry your so exhausted. It’s a crazy ride.
I think regardless you’ll find a way to cope, but in my experience so far this is a time you’ll want to cherish and protect. And if you can do it at a time where you aren’t doing a million things like school I think you will look back and be so glad you waited for a time that was less stressful. Luckily this all happened for me when covid started and I’ve been able to enjoy my pregnancy at home working remote. My commute was an hour long via public train into a major city. It wasn’t grad school level stressful but it would have made my pregnancy so so much less enjoyable if I was having to go in. It was awful having to do early on when I was newly pregnant until about 12 weeks when I got to be at home. Just something to think about.