- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2011
I’ve always been okay with Mr. R tagging along to his friend’s bachelor parties. We had a rule of “No Lap Dances”, and I’ve never been worried about that rule being broken. He is very open with me, and has probably broken guy code by spilling dirty secrets about his friend’s parties. One fiance asked hers not to go, and they took him anyway… but only for an hour, so that made it ‘okay’. Another had a rule of no lap dances, and Mr. R estimated that he got around 20 for the night. They always spend the night out somewhere together too, so they’re not going home to the fiance covered in glitter and spelling like cheap vanilla.
SO, Mr. R’s brother called yesterday to start planning his. His brother is dirty. As in… he didn’t show up for family Thanksgiving this year, but sent Mr. R a text around midnight that night asking him to go to the strip club. And as in, he is the only person I know that’s ever been to a donkey show. (TMI, but this is when a girl has relations with a donkey.. It’s across the border in Mexico.)
Mr. R’s friends came over last night to watch the basketball game and Mr. R’s brother was texting them, and they were all talking about the party. The plan involves strippers, lots of drinking, and a limo.. 7 DAYS BEFORE OUR WEDDING!
BUT, after they went home, I totally broke down in tears. I don’t want him to have a bachelor party. I don’t trust them not to buy him lap dances, I don’t trust them not to cross any boundaries we set together, I don’t trust him to stay sober enough to enforce his own rules… and I really don’t think anyone would honestly tell me what happened. (I admittedly am a shitty friend and never told the other wives.. so I’m pretty sure they’re not going to tell me.)
So 7 days after he “cheats”… bc I consider having a naked woman grinding on you with her tits in your face cheating. I’m supposed to stand up in front of our family and friends, and say I want to spend the rest of my life with him? How am I even supposed to look the groomsmen in the face?
I don’t want to be the fiance that says NO BACHELOR PARTY.. but I feel like anything short of that is going to leave me second guessing marrying him.
I told him last night, and he says “Fine, I’ll just tell them no bachelor party, I don’t want to risk our relationship over one night of partying”. But he said it in the way a kid says it to their mom.. with some serious attitude.
I feel stupid, and insecure, and untrusting… and most of all just angry. Why is this a tradition? Why just before the happiest day of my life are guys supposed to go out and cheat on their wives, or have a “secret party” that they never tell their fiance the details of… OR, even worse, you do put your foot down, and now you’re psycho and controlling..
Any possible decision at this point feels like a bad way to start of a marriage?!!