(Closed) The Bachelor Party…Ugh…What to do?!?!!`

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
3522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Simplest solution: Stop snooping. Come clean to your fiance that you snooped, then just talk to him about what you found (and apologize). 

Post # 4
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

lol girrrrllllll, you gotta  learn to trust your man and his judgement. he’s a grown man and you just gotta put some faith in him.

Post # 5
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

I think your feelings are justified. Some girls are not comfortable with their man in strip clubs, that’s okay. I don’t think it’s okay to snoop though. You should come clean to your man and let him know how you’re feeling. Maybe you can have a joint party instead? He’s not going to know how you’re feeling unless you tell him.

 

For what it’s worth, I don’t think strippers are nasty. I think they’re trying to make $ like everyone else in the world. Just my two cents though 😉

 

Post # 6
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree with the PP that stated that you should come clean about snooping.  I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not wanting your Fiance at a strip club.  Personally, I feel that it’s the same as cheating & I made this known to my Fiance a long time ago.  Maybe you should have a more in depth convo with him about the bachelor’s party.  I wouldn’t try to ban him from having a party at all, but just because he has a party doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t respect you and your feelings.

And really, I would have a trust issue or two myself after he looked right in your eyes & lied to you about dating a stripper.  There’s really no justification for that lie.

Post # 7
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I completely understand the paranoia especially with the bro code of silence they have about Vegas! That would have made me weary too!

Honesty is the best policy. Fessing up to snooping and having an honest discussion is the best way to go about this. He wasn’t honest about the planning of the party and you haven’t been honest about snooping so two wrongs don’t make a right. 

I feel like if you are in a relationship you should not have to pay other females to entertain you.

Post # 8
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think you need to have a talk with him not about what *situations* you are comfortable with him being in, but about what *behaviour* you both agree is appropriate.

For example, you can say “our relationship and marriage are and will be monogamous, and a bachelor party isn’t a free pass to break that agreement”, and then outline what monogamy means to you (no sex, kissing, or touching in clubs, but maybe looking is ok – or maybe you’re fine with anything but sex, this is really up to you and your fiance.) 

Ask him if he is worried that his friends will make him break this agreement, and if he is suggest he outline the things he is ok with in advance. 

Tell him flat out that you are trusting him to keep to this agreement, but that you still want to know if anything happens (if you do – not everyone would). 

Post # 8
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Honestly it sounds like you don’t trust him. He said no to Vegas (I’m assuming out of respect to you) and picked somewhere else.  Just ask him about it. Apologize for reading his email and ask what the plans are for the party.  Don’t ban him from having a party but let him know you would like him to not go to a strip club. 

Post # 9
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Hey,

I understand what you are going through as my fh and I had quite a few arguments about the bachelor party and I watched myself turn into a crazy lunatic any time the word was mentioned. That being said, it seems like your fh is very respectfull towards your relationship and has not given you a legitimate reason not to trust him. The fact that he chose not to attend a bachelor party of one of his closest friend’s “out of respect for you” and without you even asking indicates that he respects the relationship boundaries and wouldn’t want to compromise them. That being said, if there are things that you aren’t comfortable with, such as strippers, you need to explain how much that would bother you to your fh. Establishing relationship boundaries does not make you “that girl”. It just ensures that your fh is clear of what would bother you and can take preventitive measures not to put himself in that situation. I agree with other posters that you should start out by owning up to your snooping and explain your concerns about the bachelor party. Some women are ok with strip clubs. You need to make sure that your fh knows that you are not. As far as the email, he might not have mentioned it to you because he knew it would make you mad or upset. Communication is the key. You need to revisit the conversation of what a bachelor party is and particularly what it means to him. You might be relieved when you hear his response. Good luck and keep us posted!    

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