Post # 1
My fiancée brother’s wife is TERRIBLE!!
When I first met my fiancé, she told all friends and family that I’d brainwashed him and was a gold digger. This was before I’d met her or his family. Great! The lies from there have included I was a wanted felon, I was a closet lesbian who would dump my fiancé for a stripper, I had a secret abortion behind my fiancés back, and that my articles (I write relationship and life articles as a hobby) if negative are written about her.
Everyone knows her lies and adores me. Turns out no one is fond of her. At all. Except Future Brother-In-Law who will make any excuse for her. Yuck!
My tactic for dealing with her is that I do not engage. Not even small niceties. Just silence, as if I were just a shy person. I have nothing to say to her.
But my bachelorette party is coming up in early spring. We’re going to be having a big girls weekend away with lots of friends and family. As of yet, all my closest girlfriends who’ve been planning have vetoed her being invited.
This should be a fun time for me, but I feel horrible. I, like everyone else, do not want her there but know she will raise hell when she finds out. Many mutual folks will be there as well as future husband’s fam, so it’s not like she won’t find out. She certainly won’t be missed, but it’s the aftermath I’m concerned about. She’s already been ambushing our wedding plans (including the bachelor party which she should have zero concern over), making her presence even less appealing.
I will never have anything to do with this person. My fiancé wants nothing to do with this person. She makes us physically ill at times. If I invite her to the party, she’ll ruin things. If I don’t, everyone will understand but she’ll ruin things.
I just don’t know what to do. Please advise! Thanks in advance!!!!
Post # 2
JellyBean44 : Looks like these are your options:
- She’s a brat but at least you got to enjoy your party.
- She’s a brat and you didn’t even get to enjoy your party.
I would choose A. If she’s going to cause trouble either way, why not enjoy the party without her?
Post # 3
JellyBean44 : there’s no reason to invite her. Hell, I have a good relationship with my SIL and she wasn’t invited to me bachelorette (and there’s no age gap or any excuse of the like. We’re simply not friends). Don’t invite her, and if she throws a fit and asks why, tell her quite simply that because of x, y, and z, you were under the impression she didn’t even like you, let alone that you were friends.
Post # 4
Don’t invite her. I invited my b**ch SIL to my hens party and yep, you guessed it, she was a b**ch the whole night. Enjoy your party, don’t invite her!
Post # 5
I wouldn’t invite her and wouldn’t think another moment about it. She sounds like the type to talk behind your back rather than say anything directly to you so you won’t even have to worry about her trying to confront you. If she does actually ask why you didn’t invite her I would tell her the truth in a matter of fact way. She tells lies about you and is clearly not your friend. This is an event for friends, not people who have a problem with the honoree.
I would also plan to have security or some good friends at the wedding who are prepared to escort her out just in case she’s the type to act a fool in public and try to ruin your wedding.
Post # 6
I wouldn’t invite her. If she raises a stink, everyone will be on your sides anyways if what you wrote is true. She is going to raise a stink either way, so you might as well just enjoy your party. If she confronts you, politely point out that a bachelorette party is for people who are close and supportive of you, not for any family member who wants to go.
Post # 7
JellyBean44 : You are such a sweetheart, clearly. If I were in your shoes and this woman went around saying this much awful stuff about me without even knowing me (!!!) then not only would she NOT be invited, but I would be totally okay with her knowing about the party and I would in fact HOPE that she asks me why she wasn’t invited. Hello, she has been nothing but awful. It’s YOUR night and anyone who is toxic and doesn’t care about you, should NOT be invited.
Post # 8
If she hates you so much, why would she want to go to a party for you and celebrate you and bring you a gift or buy you drinks, etc? Why do you even care about how she feels? This isn’t a dilemma at all. Obviously you shouldn’t invite her. Problem solved.
Post # 9
Most of those things she did are relationship ending in my book. If she asks you why she was not invited, feel free to bring up any or all of the things you mentioned. If your in-laws ask why she was not invited, feel free to bring up the things you mentioned. I can’t decide if she is evil, as you say, or mentally ill. If it is the latter, perhaps you should encourage her family to seek help for her… If you even want to consider a relationship with her ever, I think she owes you a good explanation for telling people you are a felon/lesbian/etc. I personally would be very curious and want to ask why. So weird.
Post # 10
Do not invite her!
You have the support of your friends and family who are invited so it’s not like you are going to get any backlash from them for not inviting her.
Yes, she might be a bit of a bitch about it, but if she’s going to be a bitch whilst there anyway, what’s the point? Might as well at least get to enjoy your party bitch-free.
Post # 11
Don’t invite her bee. You deserve a drama free bachelorette and if she brings it up, tell her just that. Stand your ground!
Post # 12
Sounds like a clear no. The only reason to invite someone you don’t like to something like this is if there is a need to maintain a civil relationship. It doesn’t sound like that is the case here, you want nothing to do with her and your fiance is on board with cutting her out so you have nothing to lose.
Post # 13
Nope. you shouldn’t invite her and don’t feel bad about it!
Post # 14
Agree with PPs, either way she is going to cause trouble so don’t invite her to your shower and enjoy yourself.
On another note: The next time she starts a rumour with the potential to damage your reputation why don’t you send her a cease and desist? It’s troubelling that she has gotten away with so much.
Post # 15
I literally cannot think of a single reason why she should be invited.