(Closed) the battle over 'no kids'

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
808 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Is there a “Hire a nanny” service in your area? They can organise things for the kids to do and keep them away from the wedding.

In the end, You have given her plenty of notice that you do not want children at your wedding. Stick to your guns, say NO, and the rest is her problem to sort out. This is something you shouldn’t have to worry about.

 

Post # 4
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I would tell her what you said in the last paragraph –

“I’m sorry, but no children can come to the hotel or wedding. If that means you can’t come, we will miss you.”

When she realizes how serious you are, maybe she’ll look into childcare. 

Post # 5
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I don’t have any other advice to give that PP haven’t said.  I ran into this issue too, so stick to your guns!  People can be rude and entitled sometimes.

Post # 6
Member
2711 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t know… Your aunt bringing her kids to the hotel but having her daughter babysit while she and your uncle attend the wedding seems like a good solution.  This way she can sneak out and see them if she needs to or wants to.   All you can really do is stress that kids are not allowed at the wedding – but you can’t ban them from the hotel.  If they are attached at the hip I think it would be more likely that she would leave the wedding to be with her kids rather than her kids showing up.  Besides, if they are 5 their bedtime has to be around 8 right?  Maybe you can suggest that her daughter watch them during dinner, then she can go be with them until they go to bed, and then she can come back to the reception since it goes until X time.

Post # 7
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It’s not your business if the kids go to the hotel pool with the 16-year-old; that’s between your aunt, the 16-year-old, the kids and the hotel.  If she wants to have the older kid babysit the younger ones, I don’t see anything wrong with it, and if the kids get booted out of the pool for being too young, that’s not your problem.

Post # 9
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t understand why you care what they do in the hotel – if the hotel has an issue with a 16 year old and a 5 year old at the pool, they will handle it.  As long as they aren’t in your ballroom at your wedding you shouldn’t care.  I don’t think you can tell her she can’t bring her kids at all.  Hire a babysitter for them so her 16 year old daughter can enjoy the wedding. We are hiring 3 of my younger sister’s friends to babysit and have gotten them a suite to babysit in with all the kids and then they will have the nice room to themselves for the night. 

Post # 10
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t think you can tell her not to bring her kids to the hotel. Definitely tell her (as you have) that the kids absolutely cannot attend the wedding, for any part of it, and then leave the rest to her. 

I think having the kids in the hotel with the sister babysitting sounds like the perfect compromise. They won’t be attending the wedding, you won’t have to pay for their dinners….it’s a win-win!

ETA: And yeah, as PP said, if they go to the pool and get busted, that’s their problem, not yours. Based on my experiences at hotel poo;s, though, I really doubt they’ll get in trouble. A 16-year-old can watch kids in a pool just fine, and the hotel staff aren’t exactly going to be checking her ID to see if she’s 16 or 18.

Post # 12
Member
2711 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@chickiebee:  Well that kinda sucks.  But honestly, I’m not sure there is a whole lot you can do other than to keep reminding her that they aren’t allowed and if they can’t make it because of the kids then you’ll understand. If they show up anyway maybe you can have your mom tell her that the kids need to leave?  Do you have a wedding coordinator?

Also, if this happens at other family weddings then presumably your family is aware that this happens and won’t be offended that her kids came but their’s weren’t allowed.  Also, if people bring it up after the fact, you (or your mom or your FI) can make a (snarky) remark about how hour aunt’s kids weren’t invited – that way those asking know that you weren’t trying to exclude their kids and that your aunt was the rude one.

Post # 13
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@AlwaysSunny:  +1

 

If she’s being this thick about it, you’ll need to be more blunt. Can you Mom/another adult relative share the news so that you don’t have to worry about it anymore? If not, I think that exact statement is absolutely perfect.

Post # 15
Member
2711 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@chickiebee:  One ran across the dance floor yelling he had to poop!?  That’s terrible, disgusting, and really annoying.  I would talk to the coordinator and let her know the situation.  That why she can be the bad guy and nag your aunt about having the kids there (should they show up).

Good luck!

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