(Closed) The best man might not come to the wedding

posted 6 years ago in Family
  • poll: Should I be upset that the groomsmen and flower girls might not make it to the wedding?
    Yes they should have there stuff together : (35 votes)
    92 %
    No you should have more compassion : (2 votes)
    5 %
    Neither, explained bellow : (1 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    2815 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    OMG!  I don’t blame you for being pissed!  Has your Fiance tried talking to his brother?  Any way you guys can share some of his travel costs?

    Post # 5
    1013 posts
    Bumble bee

    i’d be ROYALLY pissed.  A new tattoo? Seriously?

    Post # 6
    2104 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I’m sympathetic to getting a smaller than expected tax return, but to spend money on an expensive tattoo is a bit irresponsible when they’re relatives AND in the wedding party.  I’d be upset, too.

    Post # 6
    6512 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I think you are justified in being angry.  It would be one thing if the circumstances preventing him from coming were beyond his control – for example, the best man in our wedding recently found out they are expecting, and the due date is actually ON our wedding date!  It is a crazy coincindence, but we are very happy for them and not mad at all.  Your Future Brother-In-Law, on the other hand, is shirking the one pivotal responsibility he has (showing up), because he is not treating it as a priority.

    Money issues are tough, though, so I’d try to be somewhat delicate in handling it.  Talk to your husband, as he should be able to get through to his brother the best. If it is possible, maybe help just Future Brother-In-Law with his ticket.  It sucks to have to do that though, so don’t feel bad about being annoyed.  Just try not to show it to the Future Brother-In-Law too much!

    Post # 7
    5273 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    Regardless of how they choose to spend their money, if the wedding was a priority, he would at least be talking it out with your Fiance and trying to come up with a game plan. I’m sorry to hear that! 🙁

    Post # 8
    221 posts
    Helper bee

    I don’t blame you at all. I have a bridesmaid who backed out two weeks ago, after she has known about our wedding since January 2011, she tells me with less than three months to go. I had already purchased a very expensive bridesmaid gift for her and put a final deposit on her flowers (which cost me over $100.00) and other items to go with her bridesmaid attire. She decided that since another bridesmaid isn’t coming (who is very justified in not coming because she is expecting a child), that she didn’t want to go either. It isn’t a money thing as she and her Fiance make loads of money and they are constantly taking weekend trips away and vacations down south. I just love the fact that people R.S.V.P. that they are coming and then wait over a year, till just before your wedding to spring it on you that they don’t think your wedding is important enough for them to attend! It makes you feel really great to know that people you care about don’t care as much about you! I totally share your disappointment! I think that if he decides to definitely not come, then the only thing you can do is to move on and focus on all the fantastic people who will be attending. Is there another groomsman who can take over the duties of the Best Man?

    Post # 11
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Thats very inconsiderate of them. They accepted to be in the wedding and new it involved time and travel expenses. At this stage they should give you a definite answer of whether they are in or out so you can replace them if necessary.

    Post # 12
    743 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I would be pissed too!  I am also concerned about one of FI’s best men…..I have a feeling that when it comes down to it, at the last minute, he will say he can’t afford the plane ticket.  However, to prepare for this, I have been saving money every week so that I can but him a plane ticket last minute if needed.  I also spoke with the other best man about this – he offered and is prepared to let the slacker best man stay in his hotel room for our wedding weekend.  OP – maybe you can do something like this?

    And yes, it sucks.  Like the OP’s situation, my “slacker best man” spends money when he *could* be saving…..he goes out drinking several night a week, is always posting on FB about some new “big boy toy” he just bought.  But the bottom line is…it’s his money to spend as he wishes.  And it is my perogative to buy his plane ticket so my Fiance is not heartbroken that his oldest and “closest” friend can’t make it to the wedding.  Does it suck?  Yes.  Would I rather spend my money on me and Fiance – certainly.  But I’ll trade going out to eat and going to the movies a few times so that I can be sure the best man will be there.

    Post # 14
    743 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @naturalysam – Hmmm….I really think that is up to you.  In principle, yeah, he should pay for his own since everyone else is too. And I assume that he will need to get his clothes early…..so you can mentally set a ‘cut off’ date – and if the Bridesmaid or Best Man does not have his clothes by then…..you need to decide if you OK with photos where he is wearing something different……or by the clothes for him.   


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