(Closed) The Big D. It must cross your mind!

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Do you believe in divorce?
    No....absoutly not an option : (22 votes)
    8 %
    Only when abuse or cheating is present : (150 votes)
    53 %
    In cases where you both are simply not happy anymore : (48 votes)
    17 %
    Yes there are many circumstances where I would consider divorce : (54 votes)
    19 %
    Other......explain : (9 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2559 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I “don’t believe in divorce”, but I also think nobody does until they’re in that situation. The ones who say “whatever, we’ll just get divorced if it doesn’t work out” are the ignorant minority, IMO. Most people go into it totally convinced that they’re the ones who will make it. What to do to ensure that’s true? Communication, honesty, loyalty, respect, fidelity. Even in the toughest of times these should be upheld. And it’s those things that my Darling Husband and I work on every day to ensure that we are always in sync with each other and not drifting apart.

    And TBH, my parents divorced after 18 years and it. Was. A. Relief. They just weren’t happy being together (and my father was cheating with his secretary) and it took a toll on them, their kids, and the rest of their lives. I’d like to think that my Darling Husband and I will never divorce, and that we certainly won’t go about it lightly, but if there was a point where I was being cheated on, disrespected, and didn’t want to spend the rest of my life dealing with the shame and betrayal, I would let it go (considering of course that I’d done everything in my power to right the marriage). I know that’s unpopular but such is life. But none of my family has been a good example so maybe I’m jaded? Obviously the goal is to never get to a point where divorce is an option, much less the solution.

    ETA: Yes, “it’s not supposed to be easy”, but it’s not supposed to be a constant struggle either. I empathize with your sister. That must’ve been a huge decision and one she couldn’t easily right, since they don’t have choices about where they’re stationed.

    Post # 4
    Member
    6248 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 1900

    Fiance and I have been together for 8 years.  There really isn’t anything we haven’t talked/fought about at this point.  We are both open with each other, not scared to discuss anything.  We have also both matured a LOT since we started dating 8 years ago.  Maybe these reasons are why I never worry about divorce…

    Post # 5
    Member
    536 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    @UpstateNYPrincessBride:

    I also didn’t believe in divorce, and well, I am divorced! You never really think that it will be you when you go into it. I was married for 2.5 years and we have a daughter together. Our time together was to create her, I believe. I am currently getting married again in March. This time around, I really do feel like divorce is not an option. I know that sounds weird, but I won’t do it again. If he cheats, we will work it out. If I am too naggy, we will work it out. The list goes on. For me this is it. But then I’m back to where everyone starts out! Just enjoy your marriage! 

    Post # 6
    Member
    5784 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I believe life is far too short to stay in an unhappy marriage. My parents divorced just shy of 20 years, there was no infidelity, there was no domestic abuse, they just didn’t get along anymore. I can’t think of any reason they should still be together. I know its hard to contemplate after 5 yrs but I could see that happening to Darling Husband and I if we don’t work on our relationship.

    Post # 7
    Member
    365 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    My parents are divorced so I know what can be the reality of marriage. I would be open to talk about it, but the Mr doesn’t understand why we would we talk about it unless we wanted to get divorced. But it has only been 3 months! 

    Post # 8
    Member
    365 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    @LGenz: I agree. My parents were married 20 years and had 3 children, a house and pets. However, there was no loving relationship left. They had become different people. I was almost glad when they separated, it was about 12 months overdue. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    1543 posts
    Bumble bee

    Unfortunately, some people just don’t want to “make it work.” Especially if there is no joy left in the relationship. Happiness for both parties involved, whether divorced or not, is more important than a statistic, imo.

    Fwiw, I believe in divorce, if the situation is irreparable. If one or both parties are just done, after trying to make it work, divorce is the logical option. But, if they’re just being lazy, and not trying to work at it, well then that’s just sad, and therein lies the statistical divorce rate.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1902 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Coming from families where nobody has divorced, we think that resilience is the key and I really can’t see us getting divorced unless it was a major factor involved (like cheating), but I don’t think we are programmed to just let it go.

    But yeah, it’s not completely out of my mind, I am well aware 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce, which is probably why we aren’t rushing into things.

    Post # 11
    Hostess
    16215 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    I’ve heard that you shouldn’t get married if you can’t at least consider the possibility of divorce. Don’t get me wrong — I’m the biggest optimist out there. But divorce is a reality in the world today.

    While we were engaged, with the help of a pre-marital counseling book, my husband and I discussed the kinds of issues that married couples face, how we would handle them, and what our absolute deal-breakers are.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1458 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    I’m against divorce, unless cheating or emotional/physical abuse is present.

    Post # 13
    Member
    14403 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @Wonderwoman217:Fwiw, I believe in divorce, if the situation is irreparable. If one or both parties are just done, after trying to make it work, divorce is the logical option

    Agreed.  There are two parties in the relationship and you can only control one of them, yourself.  One person may not believe in it, but if the other one is completely done with the relationship and wants no part of it.. then what other choice would there be but to accept divorce when the other person has made it clear the relationship is over.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1562 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I guess I don’t understand why people care if the divorce rate is high?  Why bother judging what other people do with their lives?  Does it make your marriage less valid or something?

    The topic ‘The Big D. It must cross your mind!’ is closed to new replies.

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