Post # 1
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
Do not burn me at the stake! It must be some sort of Feux Pas to post about divorce on a wedding planning site but there has to be some of you that think about it also. I mean the current divorce rates are scary! Here we are all planning our weddings but according to statistics approx. 36.6% of us won’t make it. What are your thoughts on this? What can we do to stop it?!? My Fiance and I have had a serious sit down chat about it. I told him I do not believe in divorce. Think very carefully about this decision because I will not ever divorce you. I told him with the exception of cheating on me but honestly I lied. If he cheated on me (which I am obviously confident that he won’t or I wouldn’t be marrying him lol) i’d work it out and stay married just like my grandparents did. My parents are divorced. My sister was married and divorced by the time she was 21. I do not want to continue the cycle!! His parents have been married forever and will stay that way. I actually asked his father one day how they do it. And he said “It’s simple. Divorce is just not an option. Period.” Which is exactly how I feel about it. I don’t understand these divorce rates. I don’t understand why people don’t make it work. The very rare exceptions to me would be a domistic abuse situation. Otherwise, when did “til death” stop meaning anything? Take my sister for example, they were both Marines (god bless them), got married before boot camp. When it came to getting stationed one was stationed in AZ and the other a few hours away in CA. They just gave up and decided it was too hard to work on a marriage when your not able to be together all the time. I love my sister but still to this day do not agree with her decision. I know it must have been hard especially with their age but it’s not supposed to be easy! I’ve heard someone with my own ears when asked if they were sure they wanted to get married say “I’m not worried, If it doesn’t work out we’ll just get divorced”. Ahhhhh!!! LOL . Anyway, what does everyone else think?
Post # 3
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
I “don’t believe in divorce”, but I also think nobody does until they’re in that situation. The ones who say “whatever, we’ll just get divorced if it doesn’t work out” are the ignorant minority, IMO. Most people go into it totally convinced that they’re the ones who will make it. What to do to ensure that’s true? Communication, honesty, loyalty, respect, fidelity. Even in the toughest of times these should be upheld. And it’s those things that my DH and I work on every day to ensure that we are always in sync with each other and not drifting apart.
And TBH, my parents divorced after 18 years and it. Was. A. Relief. They just weren’t happy being together (and my father was cheating with his secretary) and it took a toll on them, their kids, and the rest of their lives. I’d like to think that my DH and I will never divorce, and that we certainly won’t go about it lightly, but if there was a point where I was being cheated on, disrespected, and didn’t want to spend the rest of my life dealing with the shame and betrayal, I would let it go (considering of course that I’d done everything in my power to right the marriage). I know that’s unpopular but such is life. But none of my family has been a good example so maybe I’m jaded? Obviously the goal is to never get to a point where divorce is an option, much less the solution.
ETA: Yes, “it’s not supposed to be easy”, but it’s not supposed to be a constant struggle either. I empathize with your sister. That must’ve been a huge decision and one she couldn’t easily right, since they don’t have choices about where they’re stationed.
Post # 4
Member
6244 posts
Bee Keeper
Fiance and I have been together for 8 years. There really isn’t anything we haven’t talked/fought about at this point. We are both open with each other, not scared to discuss anything. We have also both matured a LOT since we started dating 8 years ago. Maybe these reasons are why I never worry about divorce…
Post # 5
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
@UpstateNYPrincessBride:
I also didn’t believe in divorce, and well, I am divorced! You never really think that it will be you when you go into it. I was married for 2.5 years and we have a daughter together. Our time together was to create her, I believe. I am currently getting married again in March. This time around, I really do feel like divorce is not an option. I know that sounds weird, but I won’t do it again. If he cheats, we will work it out. If I am too naggy, we will work it out. The list goes on. For me this is it. But then I’m back to where everyone starts out! Just enjoy your marriage!
Post # 6
Member
5842 posts
Bee Keeper
I believe life is far too short to stay in an unhappy marriage. My parents divorced just shy of 20 years, there was no infidelity, there was no domestic abuse, they just didn’t get along anymore. I can’t think of any reason they should still be together. I know its hard to contemplate after 5 yrs but I could see that happening to DH and I if we don’t work on our relationship.
Post # 7
Member
365 posts
Helper bee
My parents are divorced so I know what can be the reality of marriage. I would be open to talk about it, but the Mr doesn’t understand why we would we talk about it unless we wanted to get divorced. But it has only been 3 months!
Post # 8
Member
365 posts
Helper bee
@LGenz: I agree. My parents were married 20 years and had 3 children, a house and pets. However, there was no loving relationship left. They had become different people. I was almost glad when they separated, it was about 12 months overdue.
Post # 9
Member
1543 posts
Bumble bee
Unfortunately, some people just don’t want to “make it work.” Especially if there is no joy left in the relationship. Happiness for both parties involved, whether divorced or not, is more important than a statistic, imo.
Fwiw, I believe in divorce, if the situation is irreparable. If one or both parties are just done, after trying to make it work, divorce is the logical option. But, if they’re just being lazy, and not trying to work at it, well then that’s just sad, and therein lies the statistical divorce rate.
Post # 10
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
Coming from families where nobody has divorced, we think that resilience is the key and I really can’t see us getting divorced unless it was a major factor involved (like cheating), but I don’t think we are programmed to just let it go.
But yeah, it’s not completely out of my mind, I am well aware 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce, which is probably why we aren’t rushing into things.
Post # 11
Member
13561 posts
Honey Beekeeper
I’ve heard that you shouldn’t get married if you can’t at least consider the possibility of divorce. Don’t get me wrong — I’m the biggest optimist out there. But divorce is a reality in the world today.
While we were engaged, with the help of a pre-marital counseling book, my husband and I discussed the kinds of issues that married couples face, how we would handle them, and what our absolute deal-breakers are.
Post # 12
Member
1456 posts
Bumble bee
I’m against divorce, unless cheating or emotional/physical abuse is present.
Post # 13
Member
15119 posts
Honey Beekeeper
@Wonderwoman217:Fwiw, I believe in divorce, if the situation is irreparable. If one or both parties are just done, after trying to make it work, divorce is the logical option
Agreed. There are two parties in the relationship and you can only control one of them, yourself. One person may not believe in it, but if the other one is completely done with the relationship and wants no part of it.. then what other choice would there be but to accept divorce when the other person has made it clear the relationship is over.
Post # 14
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
@Wonderwoman217: I’m sorry but I don’t think people like that should get married. Period. Seriously do you not understand the vows you take or something? They are “Until death do you part” not “until I get sick of them” or until I just get tired of trying or “just get tired of making it work”. Really THAT is why the divorce rate is so high! A large percentage of the population just does not respect marriage vows. I mean to go into marriage with that attitude is to basically be signing the divorce papers now. Sorry but that’s my opinion.
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Post # 15
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
I don’t mean the cheating or domestic abuse. When the other person cheats they actually broke the vows first. But in the “it’s just not working anymore” cases I think that’s bullshit and taking the easy way out. [Content removed for baiting]
Post # 16
Member
1561 posts
Bumble bee
I guess I don’t understand why people care if the divorce rate is high? Why bother judging what other people do with their lives? Does it make your marriage less valid or something?