(Closed) The Big D. It must cross your mind!

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Do you believe in divorce?

    No....absoutly not an option

    Only when abuse or cheating is present

    In cases where you both are simply not happy anymore

    Yes there are many circumstances where I would consider divorce

    Other......explain

  • Post # 151
    Member
    2583 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    View original reply
    @chasesgirl: Thank you for stating this so much more clearly than I did 🙂 That is exactly how I feel.

    Post # 153
    Member
    5540 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2011

    View original reply
    @UpstateNYPrincessBride I think THAT is what people wanted you to get. It isn’t always WHAT you say, but how you say it that matters. 

    Post # 154
    Member
    3216 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    View original reply
    @chasesgirl: Ding ding ding! You explained this perfectly.

    Post # 156
    Member
    1048 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I answered the question for myself and I checked only in the event of cheating or abuse.  If my DH ever cheated on me I don’t think I could ever trust him again.  I can’t even imagine how it would feel.  

    As far as divorce in theory, yes, it’s out there.  Do I think I’ll ever get divorced?  No, but don’t most people that have been married for less than 6 months?  I went into my marriage with the thought that a marriage takes work to be happy and successful.  There was a reason for the marriage and I don’t see that reason going away without a fight.  But like other people have said, sh*t happens!  

    I look at my DH’s brother and his wife and it’s bad.  They’ve been together for probably close to 20 years, married for 12 or 13, and have 2 beautiful children.  But I wouldnt’ be surprised that IF they make it until the kids are off in college they will get divorced.  It’s not fun to be around them, they are nasty to each other, and I never see any love between them.  I’ve only seen them with children so I don’t know what they were like before but if they have another child it will cause a divorce for sure.  They don’t know how to talk to each other, they are never on the same page, and it’s a complete lack of communication.  They’ve chosen to raise their children above working on their marriage, which I disagree with.  

    Now I was a single mother before I married my DH and my marriage is #1 in my life, as much as I love my daughter.  My daughter knows I love her but at the end of the day, my DH will be there.  In 10 years my DH will be there while my daughter is in college.  In 30 years my DH will still be there.  Therefore I put my marriage 1st and will do everything I can to keep it strong and healthy.  I think so many people put kids first and it tears apart the marriage.

    Post # 157
    Member
    526 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I can tell you that while practicing family law I’ve encountered many, many divorced people who entered their marriage with the belief that ‘divorce is not an option.’  A lot of people go into a divorce in shock because they just can’t believe that it’s happening, and because they thought it would never happen to them.  They all say things like “I thought we would make it,” “I thought we were the exception,”  “I thought our relationship was so strong,” etc..  Most people don’t enter a marriage under the assumption that they’re likely to get divorced, but I agree with a previous poster who said that unless you’ve considered the possibility of divorce, you shouldn’t get married. 

    To the OP and everyone with similar views- I agree that you should work through any problems in your marriage as best you can.  FH and I have spent countless hours thinking up hypothetical problems we could have one day and how to handle them.  We also will have a solid pre-nup, because as much as we love each other and intend to be together for the rest of our lives, we know that there’s always the possibility of divorce.  

    Another thing to keep in mind- you can’t force someone to stay in a marriage.  If you don’t ‘believe in divorce’ and want to stay in a loveless marriage, your spouse can still file for divorce.  It’s more hassle than when both spouses file together, but it happens all the time.

    Post # 158
    Member
    6511 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    View original reply
    @galloway111:  Thank you!  I was reading through the thread before responding, but I’ve had Luke 6:37 in my head from the first page!

    OP, adhere to your beliefs all you want, but don’t act like judging others for their personal choices is the Christian thing to do.  Christ himself unequivocally commanded his followers to “Judge not,” so openly (and meanly) judging others and then shrugging off the backlash by quoting the Bible and saying you don’t “make the rules” is ridiculous, at best. 

    Post # 159
    Member
    257 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    My fiancee and I have talked about this. We both agree that we don’t want to stay in an unhappy marriage, but that we will try everything to make things work. We didn’t discuss abuse or cheating because that wouldn’t happen, but we would divorce in those situations. I really don’t care what other people do, and the divorce rate doesn’t bother me at all. 

     

    Post # 160
    Member
    38 posts
    Newbee

    I don’t understand something in this conversation. Why is your husband cheating on you more “acceptable” to divorce for than him beating the crap out of you? Why?

    And I don’t care what Jesus said. I don’t. The Bible was written in a different time, and a different place where women/wives were property to be bought and sold. I think in this argument, in this day and age it’s invalid.

    Why is his physically, or emotionally hurting you okay? Why would that be a terrible thing to divorce for?

    My mother was married to a man at one point who is unfortunately my father. He did horrific and unspeakable things to her. I found out when I was a teenager that he pushed her down the stairs when she was pregnant with my brother and one night, nine months before I was born, he came home drunk and raped her with my brother in the crib beside their bed, so she had to remain silent as to not scare him.

    Was she wrong to leave him? Was she wrong to seek divorce? Was she then wrong to seek out someone else that would love and respect her and help raise her kids? Even though 24 years after she still has nightmares where she wakes up screaming no?

    My brain can not comprehend someone saying she was. I simply can’t. Someone explain that to me.

    Post # 161
    Member
    1278 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I dont think anyone goes into a relationship or marriage thinking they will divorce at the end, or when it gets too hard. But that said, I can see reasons for divorce. My Mother-In-Law and Father-In-Law do not get along. He has mental issues but absolutely refuses to do anything about them. He is horrible to be around, and I can only imagine how much worse he is when he isn’t trying to be polite. My Mother-In-Law struggles daily with it and is so unhappy. When she had breast cancer last year,  he accused her of getting sick so she could get all the attention.

    Both kids have told their Mum they wouldn’t blame her if she got divorced, but she won’t leave him. But for her own sanity, she should. Nobody deserved to be screamed at and abused each day.

    Post # 162
    Member
    10283 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    View original reply
    @Scriptor: I’m with ya. It makes absolutely no sense. How any woman could even think that it’s okay to stay with a man after something like that because divorce “isn’t an option”, is beyond me. Unfortunately these are often times the same women who end up murdered by their husbands because they don’t know well enough to get themselves out of those shitty situations.

    I know one thing, I’ll never be one of those women. Regardless of what the bible says, you need to protect yourself and your children first and foremost. Do these people really think that “god” would want them to stay in such a terrible situation? If this “god” is as caring and loving as people claim he is, then I somehow doubt it.

    Post # 163
    Member
    4652 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I dont want a divorce but If I or Fi really were not happy or abuse, cheating or if he didnt want to be with me I would probably get a divorce. It is scary to think about because you are going into the marriage thinking you are going to be with this person for the rest of your life. 

    BUT my mom divorced my dad and I am thankful everyday that she did. I belive that she wouldnt even be alive right now if it wasnt for that divorce. And who knows what would have happened to me and my sister.

    Saying divorce is not a option just doesnt seem realistic to me. I can tell you right now my mom never expected my dad to beat her. But he got injured started drinking way too much and just was not the same guy anymore. 

    divorce never being a option just doesnt make any sense. Why would you put yourself and your children at risk of being hurt? why would you want yourself or your children going threw that?

    And if you are still married you just left him you open yourself up for a whole list of problems. Your bank account, Credit cards, and so many other things they would still have access of. You say now that oh he would never do that. But that quote the man you marry is not the man you divorce couldnt be more right. The man my mom married would have not opened up credit card after credit card with his own childrens social. But guess what the man my mom divorced did… 

    I get it you dont think you will ever get a divorce and I dont either But I belive that you have to be open minded enough to know when you need to get out of a bad place. 

    Post # 164
    Member
    121 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    My fiance and I both agree with your future father in law: divorce is not an option, period!

    Post # 165
    Member
    1088 posts
    Bumble bee

    I do think about the possibility of divorce.. of course I do NOT want it like every other bride planning her wedding, but in life you just NEVER know.. I’m catholic and in my religion marriage is forever and I agree with some exceptions:

    ABUSE

    CHEATING

    &WHERE YOU HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING (COUNSELING, THERAPY) AND YOU BOTH ARE SIMPLY NOT HAPPY WITH EACH OTHER ANYMORE.. if happiness is the factor of divorce i feel like it should be fully thought out..

    divorce as marriage is not something to be taken lightly!

    The topic ‘The Big D. It must cross your mind!’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors