(Closed) The Big D. It must cross your mind!

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Do you believe in divorce?

    No....absoutly not an option

    Only when abuse or cheating is present

    In cases where you both are simply not happy anymore

    Yes there are many circumstances where I would consider divorce

    Other......explain

  • Post # 17
    Member
    7768 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I always wanted to ask what people thought about the divorce rate. 

    Post # 18
    Member
    6659 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I think most marital problems can be worked on, but some can’t so I never fault anyone for getting divorced. I do think some couples rush into marriage, I know several divorced couples where the bride clearly just wanted a wedding and didn’t think about whether or not that person was fo rher, but other than that I know that even the best couples aren’t immune to it and it’s something to actively avoid by working out any major problems.

    Post # 19
    Member
    1543 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    @UpstateNYPrincessBride: I understand vows just fine, thank you. Go back and re-read my post. If one or both parties involved is not willing to make it work, why would you want to stay together with someone who no longer loves you? Say one is willing to do whatever it takes, but the other person has checked out, and hates the others’ guts. I would not want to stay married to someone that hates me (or vice versa, if I hated them) just to avoid being a statistic.

    You’re right, though, a very large percentage of the population don’t respect their vows anymore. But as to the whys, there are mitigating circumstances. I also think it’s a bit judgy and harsh of you to insinuate “people like that shouldn’t get married”.

    Post # 20
    Member
    7581 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I’m going to get flamed for this.

    What can we do to stop the divorce rate from being so high? Put a minimum age on it. Anyone that I know that got married in my generation in their early 20’s in now divorced (11 couples). What I wanted in a marriage at 30 was so much different than at 20.

    Post # 21
    Member
    2231 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I think it’s really easy to talk about not believing in divorce when you’re not faced with that decision. I have not been in that situation myself but I know many couples who are now divorced or seperated. One of my close friends is now divorced after 7 years of marriage. She tried to make it work but her husband was (and is) a very unhappy man. He wasn’t when they got married. He made no effort to change and their kids would have grown up in a very unhealthy environment if they didn’t divorce.

    There were many days when I wished my parents would divorce. I still do. They won’t. They would rather make themselves and us miserable. Good thing I don’t live at home anymore. 

    Clearly I believe in divorce. Not as a first option but as the last and final option after trying to fix a relationship that has fallen apart. Would I love to say that Fiance and I will be together forever? Yes. However none of us can predict the future and what our lives will bring.

    Post # 22
    Member
    9816 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I didn’t get married thinking “Eh, hey if it doesn’t work out we’ll get a divorce, no biggie.” I honestly don’t think most people go into marriage with that mentality (or I hope they don’t at least). But you know what, life is too short to be miserable. I will fight for my marriage until the bitter end, but if the love dies or my husband stops treating me with respect, or won’t touch me anymore, hey then it’s time to consider making changes. I am not going to wake up at 60 years old wishing I’d gotten my happy back. Hopefully I won’t be in that situation, but never say never. I don’t judge people based on situations I’ve never personally experienced.

    Post # 23
    Member
    1543 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    @Ms. Martian: and
    View original reply
    @KatyElle:. Yes, a thousand times, yes. These are the types of situations I’m speaking of. Not just, “oh, I don’t think I like you anymore, lets get divorced.” If “working at it” doesn’t fix it, then what’s the point?

    Post # 24
    Member
    5842 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Going into a marriage understanding that Divorce is a realistic concern/possibility is not the same as “signing the divorce papers now”. Its easy to say you don’t believe in divorce when you’ve never been faced with having to make such a tough decision (at least for most couples). I don’t pretend to know where my life is going to end up or what we might face during the course of our relationship so I’m not going to rule it out.

    Post # 25
    Member
    2231 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    View original reply
    @KatyElle: Exactly. No one is being flippant about marriage but we all need to be realistic. You only get one life. No sense in living in misery. 

    Post # 26
    Member
    963 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    View original reply
    @mwitter80: Agreed.  And put a cap on the wedding itself – maybe a $$ amount cap?  Maybe if people couldn’t have extravagent weddings, then they wouldn’t get married “to have a wedding” and the divorce rate wouldn’t be so high.

    Post # 27
    Member
    3000 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    View original reply
    @mwitter80: What do you recommend is the minimum age for marriage?

    Post # 29
    Member
    4753 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I totally believe in divorce. I believe it may happen to us. This I’m only getting married once thing… yeah sure in a perfect world. I don’t live in a perfect world. Me getting divorced is a very real, and stats would say likely possibility. The only thing I can do to prevent it is continue to work on being the best partner, I can be.

    Post # 30
    Member
    2231 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    View original reply
    @mwitter80: Isn’t that also the time when our brains stop developing? Would make complete sense. 

    Post # 31
    Member
    4334 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    DH and I are both very Catholic, and got married in the Catholic Church with the complete understanding of what is required for a “valid marriage” in the Church. We understand what marriage is and its permanence, freely gave our consent, are open to children, and neither of us would be able to claim anything like lacking in sufficient  reason or discretion or other psychological issues. Those being the main reaons that people receive annulments, we are fully aware that we will never be able to receive an annulment (where the Church says that the marriage never occured, due to one or both of the parties having some of the issues mentioned above,) so if we were to divorce, that would also involve us cutting ourselves off from our church and religion.

    So, yes, we strongly believe and agree that divorce is simply not an option for us. Yes, it will be difficult, and there might even be times when we want out. But…I think that life itself is not easy, and I know that I have married an amazing man, a man who is better than me in so many ways, and will help me to be a better person if I only let him. And we will grow through our difficulties together.

    But with that being said… I do hear what everyone’s been saying about “you don’t know until you’re in the situation.” So, what would I do if I were in a miserable marriage, and we just weren’t even friends anymore, etc… Well, you’re right, I don’t really know. But I would hope that we would get counseling, and I hope that I would have the humility to realize that most likely *I* am a huge part of any of our difficulties, and would seek to become a better person and more loving wife. And, because like I said, I do believe that I married a *wonderful* man who shares these values, that he would do the same.

    The topic ‘The Big D. It must cross your mind!’ is closed to new replies.

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