(Closed) The Big D. It must cross your mind!

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Do you believe in divorce?

    No....absoutly not an option

    Only when abuse or cheating is present

    In cases where you both are simply not happy anymore

    Yes there are many circumstances where I would consider divorce

    Other......explain

  • Post # 32
    Member
    2948 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I dont really believe in divorce either , I have one aunt that has been in my entire family and thats it…. everyone else has been married forever! 

    Unless cheating or abuse was present; I say your in it for the long run.

    Its crossed my mind a time or two (mostly when im SUPER MAD) but I wouldnt ever follow through with it.

    I got married extremely young (18) and I agree that it has alot to do with divorce rates these days…. If I ever have kids I would discourage them from marrying so young. None my of friends that married the same age or older than me are still together. Im the only one left.

    I think alot of ppl dont hold the same values etc. as they did back in the day….. they dont take vows as personal or to heart and are so quick to just run at the first sign of trouble instead of toughing it out and working on it.

    I feel like im rambling. LMAO 😀

    Post # 35
    Member
    4334 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

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    @mwitter80: I don’t think that’s such a bad idea either!

    Post # 37
    Member
    375 posts
    Helper bee

    As someone who has been divorced twice, I can assure you I took my vows very seriously each time, just as I will, again, in 2 years when Fiance and I marry. 

    Tell me, would you stay in a marriage if, after a rough 2 years, you try one more time and suggest counselling and he tells you he’s already contacted a lawyer? Because I couldn’t, and that was 2 years after I made the “I’m going to make it work” speech to myself when I found out he’d lied to me in order to get me to marry him. We tell ourselves all sorts of things when we’re young and determined, trust me, I get it.

    For many years I thought I’d never even consider marriage again, that I wasn’t the marrying type or whatever. It’s scary as hell to start down this road again but we’re doing it because–like everyone else whether it’s the first or the fifth time–we’re hoping and planning and preparing for the best.

    (But we’re also realistic, and won’t be including the “until death do us part” line in our vows, or anything else negative for that matter.)

    Post # 38
    Member
    10713 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I don’t want to ever have to go through a divorce and I will always do everything I can to try and keep my relationship steady but my Fiance has been divorced before because his ex wife cheated. I honestly think divorce is okay if abuse or cheating is happening. I would never put up with either and he knows that so if it ends at least I will have given it my best and not just given up. I told my Fiance more than once this is it for me I don’t ever want to get married again so he’s stuck. He said he’s in it for the long haul, so all we can do is keep trying and realize every day is a new chance to start all over again.

    Post # 39
    Member
    9816 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    If someone is opposed to divorce fantastic, don’t get one. I don’t see how that makes it ok to judge people who have without ever having been in the situation personally. If someone says “You know what, I have been in a loveless marriage for 20 years, but I took vows and I am not getting a divorce” that is their life and their personal feelings about their situation. It’s no one’s job to tell them “Oh just get a divorce then.” Just like it’s no one’s job to say “I don’t agree that you got a divorce, that was the wrong choice.” It’s so easy to judge from the outside looking in.

    Post # 42
    Member
    2191 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    View original reply
    @mwitter80: I agree with this 100%

    I am divorced and was married 2 weeks shy of 20yo. 

    I just remarried 9 days ago and am 29yo and know that what I want and have now are totally different then what I wanted and had 9 years ago. 

    I am 2 completely different ppl.

    Post # 44
    Member
    2948 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I agree. If ppl wanna get a divorce then so be it, thats their decision. Im just saying personally I wouldnt ever get one unless the 2 situations arose.Maybe ill think differently in 20 years lol

    Nothing wrong with the ppl that do get them! to each their own! I just think personally alot of us younger generation rush into it… thats all 😀

    Post # 45
    Member
    5295 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

    View original reply
    @mwitter80: I think it’s maturity – not age that counts. And those two don’t always go hand-in-hand.
    DH and I were 23 when we got married, and I’d like to think we are mature and responsible enough to handle the ups and downs of marriage. On the other hand, his cousin got married two months after us (same age as us) and it’s clearly a ‘everyone our age is getting married so even though we’re on again off again, let’s have a gift grab party!’ type of marriage. All four of us are the same age, but there’s a big difference in maturity, IMO.

    For as much as I disliked all the pre-marriage Catholic hoops we had to go through – I do think all couples should take the FOCCUS test. It really helps to point out if someone has unrealisitic expectations, big issues you disagree on – and then you have to talk through it. Now of course you could BS it all – but that probably just proves the point that you aren’t ready to get married yet.

    Post # 46
    Member
    842 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Fiance and I pretty much don’t believe in divorce.  He says that he’ll never be ok with divorcing me, even if I cheat.  I told him if he cheats I’m leaving him whether he divorces me or not, but other than that (and of course abuse) I will always choose to work on our problems over ending our marriage. 

    But at the same time, deep down I worry about it.  FI’s parents divorced when he was little and it had such a huge effect on his entire life.  It’s irrational, but I worry that I’ll let him down and our marriage won’t make it.

    But I am a serious believer that a relationship takes constant work.  You can’t always expect it to be easy, and when you have problems then you should try to solve them, not give up.  I have one family member who’s divorced and I don’t really agree with how they handled it.  He got depressed and had some issues.  But they never went to therapy, they just kind of gave up. 

    The topic ‘The Big D. It must cross your mind!’ is closed to new replies.

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