(Closed) The Big D. It must cross your mind!

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Do you believe in divorce?

    No....absoutly not an option

    Only when abuse or cheating is present

    In cases where you both are simply not happy anymore

    Yes there are many circumstances where I would consider divorce

    Other......explain

  • Post # 47
    Member
    3148 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    life is short and you only get one of them. if you are miserable in your relationship, it can effect everyone around you. so you owe it to yourself, your husband, and your kids to do what it takes to make you happy. I think it’s fine to divorce even if there is no cheating or abuse.

    I don’t think of divorce much though. I was 35 when I got married, and we had been together for 5 years. I didn’t have even a shadow of a doubt about marrying him. we’re both mature and we don’t really have any major stresses in our lives (for example, no financial strain). I think that statistically, I easily fit into the “least likely to get divovrced” category.

    but you never know what life throws your way! 

    Post # 48
    Member
    2286 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    View original reply
    @UpstateNYPrincessBride: My mother got a divorce. It’s a good thing she did too, otherwise I wouldn’t be here and my parents wouldn’t have just celebrated their 30th anniversary. I also wouldn’t have my third Grandma, whom I love very dearly (so I’m very happy to be a part of a “multiple marriages” situation), nor would I have learned the very important life lesson that “family” isn’t just about what your bloodline is. I also wouldn’t have learned from my Mom that if your life is sucking, you don’t have to accept it. I’m grateful to divorce. I’m grateful that it is an option, and I’m grateful that if a woman chooses to get one she’s no longer ostracized and branded an outcast, and I’m grateful that I have the freedom to get one if I need one.

    I’m so sorry that divorce and “mulitple marriages” offend you. I certainly hope that you keep your judgements to the boards and don’t let them spill over into real life like my paternal grandmother did or when my Dad’s ultra religious (and ironically, now divorced) friends did when he married my Mom 30 years ago. I wasn’t born yet, but from what I understand it kinda sucked. I also hope that you never are in the position of considering divorce, because from what I understand that kinda sucks, too.

    I don’t plan on ever being in that position either, but if knowing that it’s an option actually makes me want to work harder on my relationship with my husband.

    Post # 49
    Member
    2559 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    View original reply
    @mwitter80: (Reference to statistics regarding): marriages for people with kids (higher divorce rate), people who live together before marriage (higher divorce rate), or remarriages (higher divorce rate).

    I think it’s pretty ridiculous to limit marriages to legal adults because of one statistic that happens to work in your favor. Maturity, marriage preparedness, communication skills, and a determination to be the best spouse you can be go much further than just being 25.

    And yes, I’m 22 and married for just over a year now.

    (Slightly edited for snarkiness :))

    Post # 50
    Member
    8009 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    For those that dont “believe” in divorce:

    Wait until your husband of 8 years calls you one evening (3 weeks before Christmas) and tells you that he is not coming home to you and your three year old daughter because he is moving in with a flight attendant he met.  And that he refuses to go to counseling to try to work things out.

    I have said this a thousand times because it is TRUE: The man you divorce is not the man you married.

    Post # 51
    Member
    5295 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

    View original reply
    @MissHelen: Agreed. My mom got married at 18, divorced at 20. Huge mistake on her part and she knew it. But her parents were kicking her out and she had no home, no job, and no savings (kicked her out 2 weeks after graduation – she was still 17). There was no cheating or abuse involved – just two immature people. He’s gone on to be married at least 3 more times.

    My mom married my dad ten years later and had me and my siblings. So I guess I’m pretty happy that she divorced the guy. I’m not really sure why multiple marriages/divorce offend this lady so much. Yes, I agree, it probably happens too often – couples give up to easily, whatever. But it doesn’t cause me to get divorced so I guess it’s not my problem.

    And sometimes it truly is for the best.

    Post # 52
    Member
    215 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    << people who live together before marriage (higher divorce rate!), >>

    That is actually not entirely accurate. 

    I was divorced.  I didn’t see “multiple felonies” on the poll.  He was emotionally abusive so I guess that’s my “out” as far as many people are concerned but he was arrested many times during our 13 year marriage.  There comes a point where you decide that you don’t deserve to live like that and I did and I don’t regret it.

    Post # 53
    Member
    10283 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I think it’s easy to say that “divorce is not an option” but sometimes things happen that make divorce the ONLY option. People change. People cheat. People lie. Sometimes the person who you think you married however many years ago isn’t the same person who you’re waking up to everyday. I know couples who have been married for decades and HATE each other. What kind of life is that? No-one should live a life that they hate just because divorce is frowned upon. I’m sure my parents didn’t think that they’d get divorced when they got married but when one party becomes an alcoholic and the other party is concerned for the well being of their daughter, severing the marriage is the absolute only option.

    I love my DH more than life itself and I honestly don’t think that we’ll ever get divorced but I don’t know what the future will bring. We’re more than committed to working out our future issues but sometimes there are problems in a marriage that can’t be fixed with a few counseling sessions. The fact of the matter is, atleast a few of the women in this thread will end up divorced or separated. No-one goes into marriage thinking that they’ll be part of that statistic someday (why even bother getting married if they do?) but sometimes that’s just the way it works out.   

    Post # 54
    Member
    2191 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    View original reply
    @MrsWrangler: No one attacked anyone for being younger. This is all opinion and we were all nicely discussing our thoughts. I really think your response was snarky and not really very fair. 

     

    Post # 55
    Member
    2559 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    View original reply
    @Crisark: Sorry, I don’t think it was snarky and especially not unfair, but if it’s flagged and needs to be removed I’m happy to do so. I do believe that there are several mitigating factors that increase divorce and I am frankly shocked and a bit offended that so many people agree with banning marriage under a certain age. She did say she was prepared to offend (“I know I’m going to get flamed for this”), so…?

    I already stated my opinion on the OP pleasantly earlier, so I’m happy to concentrate on that topic from here on out :).

    Post # 56
    Member
    4334 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    View original reply
    @MrsWrangler: It’s true that marriage is already not legal for people under a certain age… Most 16 year-olds don’t walk around annoyed that they can’t get married.

    The drinking age (in the US) was 18 for awhile…then they changed it to 21. The marriage age is 18 right now (without parents consent) would it be so horrible to change it to be higher?

    Post # 57
    Member
    2559 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    View original reply
    @red_rose: I think once you’re a legal adult (whatever that age is…and considering it’s currently 18) you should make your own choices. I vote, live on my own, will be tried as an adult in the case of crime, etc. So yeah, I think it would be ridiculous to limit my ability to marry.

    And I wasn’t annoyed about it when I was 16 either, so that’s a true point. I was still living legally under my parent’s authority. At 18 I was not (although I was dating my DH then, I did not marry until I was 21).

    Post # 58
    Member
    2638 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2006

    Never say never, right?

    Post # 59
    Member
    5295 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

    View original reply
    @red_rose: I’m guessing you must be at least 25?

    Most 16 year olds don’t want to get married.

    A lot of early 20-somethings are through college, working full-time, even have their own homes (my cousin was a homeowner at 21). Why should they not be able to get marrried?

    Do I think there are a lot of 18 year olds who should be getting married? Probably not. But am I going to tell them they can’t? No. Because it doesn’t affect me. Unless of course, it’s my child.

    Maturity is not dependent on your chronological age.

    Post # 60
    Member
    5295 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

    Although I will argue there’s probalby plenty of 16-year olds who would argue for the right to drink. As do many 18 year olds. Because to most of them, that’s something that’s important to them. Not getting married.

    Post # 61
    Member
    1229 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    sometimes you cannot help divorce.  i married a man i thought i would be with forever. then little by little he started changing and about a year and a half into the marriage he was like, “I don’t love you anymore” Get out”  that was it.  there was nothing i could do.  i tried counseling.  he just didn’t love me.  did he ever?  who knows…. but you never ever know what is going to happen to you.  you can say you will try your darndest to keep it together, but when the other partner changes and sometimes that happens, you are just screwed!  No one should be on a soap box about no no no the bad “d” word……….  life is not black and white, there are so many levels of grey here.

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