- 9 years ago
- Wedding: January 1993
I’m not actually saying we should raise the age from 18, (although…I think there is something to be said for either lowering the drinking age to 18, or raising the marriage age to 21! Why should you legally be able to do one but not the other?) but I do think it’s good to consider, although I agree that there is a lot more to be said for maturity than for age…it’s just not very easy to legislate that!
I think the OP is making an unfair anecdote–her mom was divorced and regretted it, therefore everyone should regret their divorce. That’s like saying “I worked with a woman with green eyes, and she was so lazy! So all women with green eyes must be lazy!”
Though your comment was “spicy” I don’t neccesarily think it was offensive, you did bring up other issues that increase probability of divorce.
I think it’s WAY more offensive to say that people under 25 shouldn’t be allowed to marry. It’s implying that they are either too stupid, immature or irresponsable to make such a important desicion. Though I believe it was offensive, I dont particularly care because everyone is entitled to have their own opinion.
I keep hearing the argument “I’m so diffrent from what I was like in my 20’s”. Your gonna be so different from your current self in your 40s and your 50s and your 60s. As you grow older your life expereinces make you change your priorities and possibly your whole point of view on life. Many of the people that I have talked to have said that their greatest challenges as a couple came as they got older, as they dealt as a couple with their changes as individuals at an older age.
Isn’t marriage about working through all problems, about supporting and loving each other through thick and thin and learning to grow alongside each other? If thats something marriage is about then why should marrying in your 20’s “while your still changing” be penalized?
When I was your age and married I was really sensitive to anyone having something less than approving to say to me about it so I’m not surprised by your feelings.
However, it wasn’t fair IMO to respond in the way you did.
I think this was well-sad: “Maturity is not dependent on your chronological age.” (hisgoosiegirl)
While age may be a contributing factor to divorce in some cases, I’m sure it’s not a blanket rule. Just because someone feels she (or someone she knows) shouldn’t marry before a certain age doesn’t mean that’s true for others. So I’m not sure how much further we can take the age argument.
It becomes such a ‘forbidden’ thing that they just HAVE to have it. The worst part is then when they are in college – half can drink and half can’t. So one half provides for the other. It’s just a bad combination.
I’m in this until death do us part. I’m not married until I find someone better, more interesting, better sex… I said my vows and I mean to keep them.
I was engaged before, had small doubts and called it off. SO glad I did. This time around I had 0% doubt whatsoever. I always wonder if women who are divorced had doubts before the wedding and they chose to go through with it.
But you’re definitely right when you say “Though I believe it was offensive, I dont particularly care because everyone is entitled to have their own opinion.” – Can’t make everyone on the internet agree with me, haha.
Edit: Found! 30% of divorced women had serious doubts about the marriage lasting before they said ‘I Do’.
Edited away 🙂
I think that lots of people feel as though they are more mature than their age. Regardless of your career or what you may have or not have, it’s the life experience piece that is my concern which you can only really gain with age. Prior to 25 I purchased my own home, fought cancer, was the Asst VP at a fortune 500 company, and all of these thing made me very mature. People joked that I was 20 going on 40, however after living through certain things, my opinions about what I wanted changed. I think lots of people will say that the biggest time for growth and change in their lives happened between 20-25. This also has medical basis behind it as I am currently going for my doctorate in psych and for the last 8 years have studied multiple facets human development. That was my reason for chosing the age.
I haven’t been offended by what anyone has said based on my own opinion. I knew that when I said it people who were not 25 or older would hate what I had to say.
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