(Closed) The Big D. It must cross your mind!

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Do you believe in divorce?

    No....absoutly not an option

    Only when abuse or cheating is present

    In cases where you both are simply not happy anymore

    Yes there are many circumstances where I would consider divorce

    Other......explain

  • Post # 62
    Member
    5295 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

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    @Carolyn72: That’s really sad and I’m sure it was a very painful time in your life. It just shows how true it is when it’s said that the only person/behaviour you can control or change is yourself. Because as much as you may have wanted to work on the marriage or keep trying, you couldn’t make him want the same.

    Post # 63
    Member
    4334 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

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    @hisgoosiegirl: It is true that I’m older than 25. But… in my personal experience, if I had married either of the very-serious BFs that I had prior to being 25, well, I would probably not be a happy camper now!

    I’m not actually saying we should raise the age from 18, (although…I think there is something to be said for either lowering the drinking age to 18, or raising the marriage age to 21! Why should you legally be able to do one but not the other?) but I do think it’s good to consider, although I agree that there is a lot more to be said for maturity than for age…it’s just not very easy to legislate that!

    Post # 64
    Member
    1199 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I think the OP is making an unfair anecdote–her mom was divorced and regretted it, therefore everyone should regret their divorce. That’s like saying “I worked with a woman with green eyes, and she was so lazy! So all women with green eyes must be lazy!”

     

    Post # 65
    Member
    217 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

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    @MrsWrangler:

    Though your comment was “spicy” I don’t neccesarily think it was offensive, you did bring up other issues that increase probability of divorce. 
     
    I think it’s WAY more offensive to say that people under 25 shouldn’t be allowed to marry. It’s implying that they are either too stupid, immature or irresponsable to make such a important desicion. Though I believe it was offensive, I dont particularly care because everyone is entitled to have their own opinion.

    I keep hearing the argument “I’m so diffrent from what I was like in my 20’s”. Your gonna be so different from your current self in your 40s and your 50s and your 60s. As you grow older your life expereinces make you change your priorities and possibly your whole point of view on life. Many of the people that I have talked to have said that their greatest challenges as a couple came as they got older, as they dealt as a couple with their changes as individuals at an older age.

    Isn’t marriage about working through all problems, about supporting and loving each other through thick and thin and learning to grow alongside each other? If thats something marriage is about then why should marrying in your 20’s “while your still changing” be penalized?

    Post # 66
    Member
    2191 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

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    @MrsWrangler: I’m not going to lie, I did flag the comment because no one was attacking anyone or trying to throw others under the bus by having an opinion. 

    When I was your age and married I was really sensitive to anyone having something less than approving to say to me about it so I’m not surprised by your feelings. 

    However, it wasn’t fair IMO to respond in the way you did. 

    Sorry. 

    Post # 67
    Member
    13561 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    I think this was well-sad: “Maturity is not dependent on your chronological age.” (hisgoosiegirl)

    While age may be a contributing factor to divorce in some cases, I’m sure it’s not a blanket rule. Just because someone feels she (or someone she knows) shouldn’t marry before a certain age doesn’t mean that’s true for others. So I’m not sure how much further we can take the age argument.

    Post # 68
    Member
    5295 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

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    @red_rose: threadjack alert but personally I think the drinking age should be lowered to 18. And this is from someone who didn’t drink until she was 21 – unless you count the half drink I had that a friend made during a very, very, stressful night 3 months before my 21st).

    It becomes such a ‘forbidden’ thing that they just HAVE to have it. The worst part is then when they are in college – half can drink and half can’t. So one half provides for the other. It’s just a bad combination.

    Post # 69
    Member
    3373 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I’m in this until death do us part. I’m not married until I find someone better, more interesting, better sex… I said my vows and I mean to keep them.

    I was engaged before, had small doubts and called it off. SO glad I did. This time around I had 0% doubt whatsoever. I always wonder if women who are divorced had doubts before the wedding and they chose to go through with it.

    Post # 69
    Member
    2559 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

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    @MsFrancez: Well I tried to de-spice it a bit 🙂 And I agree with your post – you said it very well! My parents didn’t divorce 1 year into a young marriage… they divorced 20 years later when they changed priorities at age 40. Taking away the ability to marry just because in someone else’s experience they weren’t ready is what I find offensive and grossly unfair.

    But you’re definitely right when you say “Though I believe it was offensive, I dont particularly care because everyone is entitled to have their own opinion.” – Can’t make everyone on the internet agree with me, haha.

    Post # 71
    Member
    2559 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Edited away 🙂

    Post # 72
    Member
    7367 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

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    @UpstateCait: ITA word for word! Do I worry about divorce in my relationship, no I don’t obsess about it. If circumstances change, to what I/we consider out of the norm. I will do my damnedest to work it out, within reason. Any long term negative impact on my (or my future childrens) mental, emotional or physical health will have to be taken into consideration. I always chuckle about these posts, I find them a tad naive. Sure I believe “divorce is not an option” in the same way you can buy the Brooklyn Bridge for a $1. 

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    @eeniebeans: The man you divorce is not the man you married.

    Boom!!

    Post # 73
    Member
    7581 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I think that lots of people feel as though they are more mature than their age. Regardless of your career or what you may have or not have, it’s the life experience piece that is my concern which you can only really gain with age. Prior to 25 I purchased my own home, fought cancer, was the Asst VP at a fortune 500 company, and all of these thing made me very mature. People joked that I was 20 going on 40, however after living through certain things, my opinions about what I wanted changed. I think lots of people will say that the biggest time for growth and change in their lives happened between 20-25. This also has medical basis behind it as I am currently going for my doctorate in psych and for the last 8 years have studied multiple facets human development. That was my reason for chosing the age.

    I haven’t been offended by what anyone has said based on my own opinion. I knew that when I said it people who were not 25 or older would hate what I had to say.

     

    Post # 74
    Member
    2191 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

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    @MrsWrangler: I don’t hope anything but a lasting marriage and happiness for you and everyone else here. 

    My point was that age can change opinion. That was all. 

    Sorry you still want to be snippy about it. 

    Back to the OP…

    Post # 75
    Member
    2559 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

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    @Crisark: I PM’ed you to clarify. And edited my comment away, as I am clearly not saying things correctly today and don’t want to offend! 🙂

    The topic ‘The Big D. It must cross your mind!’ is closed to new replies.

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