(Closed) The Big E: ETIQUETTE

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

The one that kills me is the groom asking the bride’s father for “permission.”  Ugh.  I am not a goat.  I’ll decide who I marry, thankyouverymuch.

Post # 33
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I wore black to a wedding…along with half of the other guests. Hum…

Post # 34
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@lezlers:  That’s the interesting thing about how people view and follow “tradition.”  They have no problem abandoning things like a man asking a woman’s father for her hand in marriage but insist that the dollar dance, that puts money in their pocket, is a sentimental “tradition” that MUST be followed. 

Post # 35
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Ugh… does anyone else cringe when they hear the words “etiquette,” “tradition” or my mom’s favorite “protocol” ??? I swear…it’s like an extreme physical reaction to those words! My pulse speeds up, hands start to sweat, I get all jumpy and my breaths get shallow. I’m obviously allergic… that must be it. I can faintly hear the sound of the whip cracking in the background when those words are mentioned too…auditory delusions… oh this is bad. Obviously, to preserve my mental and physical health, I’m going to have to avoid these topics as much as possible! Ack! *runs away screaming*

Post # 37
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@lisa105:

I think it has to do with the reasoning behind the tradition.  I believe asking the father for the daughter’s hand in marriage is derived from the whole dowry concept, i.e.: marriage being looked at as a business transaction between two families. 

Marriage is no longer viewed this way (typically) so there’s no need for the outdated “asking the father for permission.” 

The dollar dance likely has different roots so people might be more inclined to follow that tradition (it helps that it involves money for the couple, I’m sure.)  Not that I would ever do the dollar dance because….well, I’m not going to go there in this thread. 

Post # 39
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@invalid_username: I don’t think they’re mashed together at all really. And I think the websites you visited might also be confused. Here’s a good benchmark. Start a sentence with “It would be rude if I…” and see if it fits.

Example: It would be rude if I didn’t wear a white dress in my wedding. – See, it’s not rude of you to wear another color. Perhaps it’s unexpected, but rude is the wrong word. This isn’t an etiquette rule.

Another Example: It would be rude if I invited someone to my ceremony but not my reception. – Bingo! This fits, and is an etiquette rule.

Post # 40
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@invalid_username:

Well, sure.  If it were part of my heritage I’d do it.  It’s not, however, so I won’t.  I consider that quite different, however, from the necessity of traditions that are rooted in antiquated views of marriage, such as asking a father’s “permission” to marry his daughter.  Giving a couple money to help start their life together is quite different from going to a man and offering some sort of dowry in exchange for relieving him of one additional mouth to feed on the farm. 

If you think it’s cute and want to do it, fine, but I wouldn’t ever consider it a breach of etiquette not to, because the need for the rule has long since expired and with it, the rule itself.

Post # 41
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I think I also recall hearing that having a buffet dinner was bad etiquette as well – it flowed along the same line as “serving” your guests, and how plated dinners are favoured, as you are serving, and not making them get up and get their own food.

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