The biggest problem in our life is so petty

posted 1 year ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
533 posts
Busy bee

Face it, he’s probably screwing the parrot.  People in committed relationships shouldn’t spend time with other species without human supervision.

Post # 3
Member
1706 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

This is not a petty problem. This is a sign of a deeper problem. You need to get out, make some friends of your own. It was unclear whether you have your own job or not. When you communicate your issues to your FH, he needs to take you seriously. He needs to acknowledge that you need quality time with him. You need to understand that of course he’s going to interact with the bird differently than you. I baby talk my cats, but not to FH. It sounds like you upended your whole life for your FH, and you have no support network of your own in the area. Your whole life revolves around FH at the moment, which is not healthy. Birds tend to bond to a single person, and it looks like FH is the center of your bird’s universe as well.

I think it would benefit your bird (and you) to get him a birdie friend so he doesn’t get lonely or needy. Birds are flock animals, they really need bird friends. The main reason certain breeds are friendly with humans is because as infants, they are hand fed by humans. The bird mother is not permitted to feed them or it would interfere with the baby bird bonding with humans. 

Post # 4
Member
1932 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

Is this real?

Post # 5
Member
7900 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I would equate this to human relationships with children. Obviously, I am my children’s mother, and they will never have another mum, but at some point boys, especially, but girls, too, will bond with their dad. So even when they were really little, they would squeal and crawl toward the door in the early evening when they heard dad come home. They would want to spend all their “fun” time with dad. They still ran to me with injuries, but dad always got to be the “fun” parent. It IS the silliest thing to be jealous about, but many parents can relate.

You miss your Fiance, and that’s where your frustration stems from, not actually the parrot. The parrot is just an easy place to put the blame because you know you cannot change the situation. And it would be much worse if your Fiance really disliked the bird – there are too many threads with disagreements over his and her pets on this board. I understand you being upset, but remember it really doesn’t have anything to do with the parrot. 

Post # 6
Member
1394 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2021

View original reply
baileybagels :  Parrots are extremely emotionally complex creatures and many owners can bond so intensely with their bird that it can absolutely happen. 

View original reply
creance :  What type of enrichment activities has your parrot been given since your move? Is it possible that your partner is more stimulating and interesting to the parrot? Maybe do some research on some new ways to enrich your parrots environment so that it doesn’t become so obsessed and dependent on your or your FH for stimulation. 

Post # 8
Member
5996 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

View original reply
creance :  I agree with pps that you really need to work on your social life. Join some meetups, volunteer for an hour a day, go to the gym etc. 

Btw I think I love your fiance. 

Post # 9
Member
2426 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
creance :  I agree with PP’s–you don’t need a job to improve your social life. I do believe that working on this would help you meet people and feel better. Like 
View original reply
lifeisbeeutiful :  said… join meetup groups, start volunteering, take care of yourself physically, take care of yourself spiritually (whether that means going to yoga, meditating, going to an organized religious center, etc.).

I know it’s hard to put yourself out there, but it won’t hurt…it can only help. I’m not trying to sweep your feelings under the rug at all–I think your feelings are valid and also that I would feel similarly in your situation–however, I don’t think that you can change much about it. Like 

View original reply
echomomm : said, it makes me think of children in a way. Hopefullly, once you have more of your own thing going, you might not have as much of a focus on your fiance and the bird. Also, one other suggestion would be to make sure you guys are having some sort of “us” time, such as doing a “date night” type thing regularly, whether that’s once a week or once a month. 

I saw that you mentioned you’re in Detroit, and a quick google search I found this article about different volunteering opportunities. Hope it helps!

https://www.hourdetroit.com/web-exclusive/your-guide-to-volunteering-around-metro-detroit/

 

Post # 10
Member
1394 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2021

View original reply
creance :  What a cool set of skills you have, I can see how you feel stir crazy in an urban environment! MissMarple has given some awesome advice. I double down on everything she said. 

Post # 13
Member
1561 posts
Bumble bee

A long time ago in an earlier life, I worked on a project listening to audio interviews with significant others (often spouses) who had followed their SOs to grad school. It was, to put it mildly, emotionally exhausting and depressing. All but ONE SO was clearly very very miserable — they had upended their entire lives to follow their SO, and the PhD experience was very consuming, leaving their SOs pretty alone and isolated. The city in which the school was located also wasn’t an easy city to make new friends in, making it worse. Most of them broke down crying during the interviews. 

Except for the one girl who was pretty happy, who picked up a lot of hobbies to keep herself busy, and through which she met more friends. 

So realize that your experience is normal — that it’s not really about the bird, and that you’re going to have to do what the one happy girl did and build a community for yourself. 

Post # 14
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

OP, I agree that your skills and background are very cool. Have you considered teaching a bird related course at a community college or in a continuing education program?  

Post # 15
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Clearly the solution is to sit down and have a serious talk with your bird. Let Hephaestion know how you feel about his new infatuation making you feel like he doesn’t remember his true love and all you’ve been through.  I think he’ll come to his senses. 

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