The biggest problem in our life is so petty

posted 1 year ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
2713 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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creance :  I need bird pictures STAT

Post # 18
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee

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creance :  The problem here is not your bird or your lack of work/hobbies.  It’s your fiance’s work schedule.  When a person works that much, he or she is exhausted and has nothing left to give other humans, including a partner.  Animals recharge people’s energy reserves, which is why your fiance spends time with the bird and not you after work.  No amount of hobbies or being occupied with stuff will help you, OP.  A relationship between two people cannot survive without quality time together, and it seems you have none with your fiance.  I know you say this is only temporary and you only have a bit over a year to go, but if you and your fiance don’t find a way to connect together your relationship will not last. At the end of that 1.5 years you will have grown apart and become different people with a stockpile of resentments.  I suggest you and your fiance sit down and seriously discuss this problem.  If he pulls the “it’s just temporary card,” remind him that your relationship may be only temporary if you have nothing left holding you together at the end of this 1.5 year road.

Post # 19
Member
10492 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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creance :  

Wasn’t Hephaestion Alexander the Great’s long time lover.? This may be more than you thought…

Seriously though, pps are right, you really need to use your skills outside the house more. And l love that a man who ‘didn’t see the allure of pets’ is now besotted , so sweet. 

Post # 20
Member
2713 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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creance :  oh my sweeeeeetness!! Thank you 🙂

PPs have given good advice so far. I hope you and Fiance are able to work out a balance where you both feel loved and cared for and validated. His hours sound crazy and draining and your situation seems mentally unstimluated you both are likely very unhappy but by taking some PPs suggestions you could alievate some of your feelings.  

Post # 21
Member
569 posts
Busy bee

He should be more excited to see you than the parrot. The solution is NOT to get out more often! You guys have to talk. It’s a bird. Even if it were a child, you two come first and that provides the family foundation for the child. Like one of you doesn’t become invisible basically. Don’t just go get a hobby and brush this under the rug, you guys have to talk. I’m sure you love the bird, his time with it should be spent with you since his time is so limited. 

Post # 22
Member
10315 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

This is like the best problem.

I love your fiancé and your bird. I got no advice. I love you bird son!!!

Post # 23
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

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BuzzedBumblingBee :  You make it sound like a negative unhealthy thing that she moved to be with her fiance. Lots of people move to where their loved ones are. I moved away from all my family and friends to be with my fiance (bf at the time) but I do have quite a few friends that I made here and go out with a lot.

Post # 24
Member
7892 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Okay, well, in your fiance’s defense, that is an irresistible bird. He (she?) Is adorable!

Post # 25
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I completely understand. I moved to be with my DH. I miss my life from before. Doesn’t mean I don’t love my husband because I do. I was also jealous of his relationship with my dog. I agree it’s time to get out and meet people and new friends. I truly understand that it’s very difficult. Maybe a group of humans that have birds and understand? It’s over two years and I’m still working on this issue.

Post # 26
Member
259 posts
Helper bee

Honestly, it seems like the main issue is is that you miss your fiance, and arent feeling the love from him when he is home so you’re blaming it on his relationship with the bird.  My FH and I have disagreements about his dog, so i know how you’re feeling in that sense, but i think you need to be honest about how much you miss your fiance when he is not around.  I agree with the other bees, you need to get involved in something else.  I had to do this too – i work from home and it gets very lonely and boring – FH is a police officer so his schedule is very demanding and can change at the last minute.  i started going out with friends more and joined the gym, and got a puppy, and now i don’t feel like im constantly counting down the minutes until FH gets home and pays attention to me.

Post # 27
Member
3339 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

That’s a gorgeous bird!! I think you just need to get out more, spend more time on yourself, etc. It’s got to be so hard to be in a city where you don’t know people and you’re pretty much just waiting. Maybe you could volunteer or try meet-ups? When I followed my husband to a new city, I felt really lost because I didn’t know anybody and my life had no structure. I much prefer to have a job. 

Post # 30
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

LoL. I love this thread and the bird . However, I totally agree with this post: “The problem here is not your bird or your lack of work/hobbies.  It’s your fiance’s work schedule.  When a person works that much, he or she is exhausted and has nothing left to give other humans, including a partner”

Your fiance is up at 3 or 4 in the morning and working until 10 or 11 at night with 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night. That is not a tenable schedule for anyone and not condusive to any kind of relationship. Is this a temporary schedule? Will it end after the 2 years?  Even 2 years seems like a long time to live like this and for your fiance to have such a grueling workload.

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