(Closed) The Bridesmaid-Pickin’ Blues…advice greatly needed, please

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
529 posts
Busy bee

Blame your groom (ok that sounds really awful, so let me explain). I have six little brothers and we did not feel up to the task of having a minimum of 12 attendants, total, not including friends, and didn’t want to pick between brothers. So, my FH asked two friends and so did I and we are calling them our “women and men of honor.” While I am not looking forward to the conversation, he has already told his “third friend” that it was all my fault, brothers, only wanted two etc. and would his friend please bring up the gifts at Catholic service? I’m exaggerating as this was previously-agreed upon blame. The plan is that the next time I see (we felt it should be done in person) my other two friends (one of whom I’ve been told is somewhat hurt, looking back I wish I’d spoken with her earlier) asking them to pass around our rings for a blessing before the service, and I’m blaming it all on FH and the brothers, etc. Sounds cowardly, I know, but he said it made it much more graceful and not about “you’re less of a friend.” We didn’t want to ask them to do anything that sounded like work – guest book, etc. that would impede their good time and are buying them corsages/bouts and inviting them to rehearsal, etc. And the brothers? To their eternal dismay, they are all ushers via my mother’s decree – and they have to wear suits. So, that was what my FH and I agreed upon. Best wishes to you.

Post # 4
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2006

Your friend from HS is the one who should do something minor in the wedding, like attend the guest book.  In fact if you “hardly talk at all” maybe she should just be a guest.  That would open up another “slot” in the Maids.  And if you think having Sally as a maid would be problematic give her another honor like reading a poem during the ceremony.  IF you really want Sally to be a maid, then give the other assignment to one of the other two girls.

Personally if someone that I barely spoke to from HS or college even asked me to be in their wedding I would find it odd . . .

Post # 5
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My advice to you is to choose Sally since you are closer than the other girls. I am having my good ‘flighty’ friend as my only bridesmaid. I have my sister as my Maid/Matron of Honor. That is the reason I chose my sister as Maid/Matron of Honor even though I was Maid/Matron of Honor for my flighty friend. We’ve been friends for so long and we are really close so I can’t rule her out just because she is flighty, it is who she is. Nothing I can do about that. If something comes up and I really need her I WILL make that clear to her. 

Post # 6
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I guess I don’t see why you’re including a friend you haven’t really spoken to in years and whom will be shocked you asked…  So I personally wouldn’t ask that person.

As for Sally, I REALLY do not think you should “speak with her” about your concerns.  How does this sound, “I really want you to be a bridesmaid in our wedding, but well, you’re pretty unreliable and flakey and I need to know you aren’t going to be that way in regards to the wedding.”  I’m sure you would put it much more nicely than that, but that is how she is going to hear it lol. 

I say choose her because she is that important to you and you want her there and because you love her even though she is a flake.  Besides she’s only required to purchase a dress and show up on time to the wedding (which since I’m sure most of you guys will be togehter the morning of the wedding you won’t have to worry about the time thing!).

Good luck!

Post # 7
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would think twice about asking Sally and not the other girls in the group. I am in a similiar situation and struggling with asking ALL or NONE. My situation is a bit different because I have a group of 6 girls but still I guess the same principle applies.

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