Post # 16
I predict lots of drama no matter what you do. So I say choose no drama at your wedding and uninvite her. Do it on a day that is already not good( tax day, annual exam day, ripping up carpet day etc.).
Tell her that the two of you can talk about rebuilding your friendship after your wedding. But that if she wants to be friends with you, she has to earn back your trust. (She doen’t have to earn your friendship, but she needs to earn back the trust that is an important part of being friends.)
Post # 17
Don’t let her back in. This girl has drama written all over her. She turned things around on you and made YOU feel bad – classic signs of a manipulator. You do NOT want that drama on your wedding day – what if she freaks and makes a scene during the ceremony?
I am a pushover too (totally) but you REALLY REALLY need to stick up for yourself here. Please don’t let her back in the bridal party.
Post # 18
What’s a b!tch anyway? An assertive woman typically, right? And you have every right to be assertive in this situation and walk away from this toxic “friendship”. If you re-read what you’ve written you’ll be able to see what we can – that you know in your heart moving on is the right thing for you, and that you and your friend have very different values.
Good luck 🙂
Post # 19
- Wedding: October 2016 - His Way Church & Chesapeake Room @ Downs Park
If you let her back in and try to work on the friendship, the only person that will get anything positive out of it is her, while it will affect so many other people negatively (including you). Tell her you’ve changed your mind about letting her back in and end the “friendship.” Doing that to her wouldn’t be half as bad as what she’s put you through.
Post # 20
She really made a point to say she wanted to get together and hang out just the two of us. But when she finally got around to making solid plans of course all she wants me to do is come over to her house so I can see her new cat. So, no effort on her part to go anywhere.
I told my Maid/Matron of Honor that even though she’s making inroads and claims she’ll try harder, I’ve just lost all respect for her.
It took so much courage to break it off the first time, I cant believe I have to muster it again. I may try the no invite route but still see her to allow her to gain my trust back, but given how defensive she is about everything I doubt she will be pleasant about it.
But you all are right. It’s draining me and it doesn’t need to. It’s unfair that she gets to come back in at the worst possible time and add one more stressor to my life while I’m planning a wedding. This is supposed to be such an exciting time and all I feel is dread when I think about anything to do with her. I will be sleeping on this but I know I’ll act soon.
Post # 21
This is true, unless the bridesmaid agrees to attend (or RSVPs in the case of an engagement party) and then backs out with no warning and no explanation. I invited my girls to do a walk through with me at my venue and a couple couldn’t make it, but the few that could seemed really excited to do so. The day of, one of my bridesmaids doesn’t show up or answer her phone and we stood around waiting for her for nearly twenty minutes before just going on with the tour. Later, I find out she went to the gym and ran late and figured she couldn’t get home to change in time, so she just went home and took a nap. This tour was not required, but rather a “Hey, I’m doing this next Thursday if anyone wants to attend” and the girls reached out to me as such.
I think everyone has made great points: This girl sounds like a nightmare. Why is this even a question? I would not let her be a bridesmaid and invite her as a guest. If she chooses not to come that’s not on you, that is a direct reflection of her character.
Post # 22
It’s okay to grow out of friendships. At some point, you have to ask yourself what you’re getting out of the friendship. If you’ve giving your time, effort, and sanity and recieving nothing in return, it’s a toxic frienship.
One of my best friends of 5 years at the time introduced me to my Fiance in college. My friend grew into a pretty bad person and my Fiance and I ended up cutting all ties with him. Now our lives are drama-free and happier without him. He will not be invited to the wedding, and that’s okay! We are thankful that he was the reason we met one another, but that isn’t a reason to keep a bad person in your life. Better to end things before they get even worse and ruin your wedding.