(Closed) The Buzz: When People Ask You About Having Children

posted 6 years ago in Weddingbee
Post # 47
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I typically didn’t mind this question and was usually pretty honest, but vague. Something like “Oh when [husband] finishes school next year, we may start to think about it, but we just don’t feel ready yet (or are enjoying it just being us and our dog).”

We’ve always been open about wanting kids, so I don’t really mind the questions. My husband is absolutely amazing with kids, so I know a lot of people who are close to us are really excited for him to be a dad ASAP. 

Now that we are pregnant but not ready to share, when people ask (and they do with relative frequency, now that my husband has finished school), it’s a little trickier, so I’ve been saying things like “we’re going to start thinking about it pretty soon!” and leave it at that. 

Post # 48
Member
11520 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Mrs. Mouse:  we’re not even married yet (4 months and 2 days…but who’s counting) and we’re already being asked when we plan to have kids (i’m just about 31 and Fh 32).  For us it depends on who’s asking. 

My friends, I tell them honestly, pretty much right after the wedding we’re going to be TTC.  Our moms/family – that’s another story, I’m telling them to be patient, we don’t know yet, we want to get married and then we’ll talk about it.  Our mothers are the type to pester, they will probably not know anything until there’s news to share.  I don’t plan on telling them that we’re TTC at all.

Post # 49
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We don’t get asked this question very often, as most people who know us well are keenly aware that we aren’t remotely interested in ever being parents…we never have been, and never will be.

If we are confronted with the question, we politely point out that we already have two children – our dogs. The fact that they have four legs and fur doesn’t make them any less our babies.  If the issue is pressed, we just simply inform the person that we don’t plan to have any human children.  We’ve discussed it and decided that it’s not a lifestyle that’s for us, and it’s no longer a matter that is up for debate.  Case closed!

“You might change your mind!” is always met with a raised eyebrow, followed by: “You might change your mind someday and decide you’d like to start a pig farm, but I doubt that’s highly likely.”

😀

Post # 50
Member
766 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Mrs. Mouse:  I very blatantly tell them that we are waiting until my ovaries are verging on shriveled up. I think they think I’m kidding. 

Post # 51
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Mrs. Mouse:  My Fiance and I say, “We’re not having kids – we’re just having cockapoo’s”. We currently have a cockapoo so that’s our answer, lol. 

We aren’t even married yet and we get asked on the regular. I can only imagine how much worse it will be once we get married. Sorry, I don’t want to share with you that Fiance and I are trying to make babies, lol.

Post # 52
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

“Why do you ask?”  It’s my stock answer for nosy and intrusive questions, which this definitely is.

It’s a rude question because you never know what’s going on behind the scenes.  For all you know the couple has been trying for years with no pregnancy, or just had a miscarriage, or is ready now but their partner is not, or doesn’t want kids ever and doesn’t feel like justifying their life choices to you when the inevitable “why not!?” gets asked.

Post # 53
Member
1234 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

We got married in April, my husband was 24 and I was 22. We have our bachelor’s degree, work full time and own a house together.

It wasn’t a WEEK after we got married before we got bombarded with questions about whether or not I was pregnant. I found and still find these questions rude and invasive. Darling Husband and I don’t want children but as soon as we say we don’t want kids, holy cow, here comes the pressure!!

Here are our main responses.

Mother in Law

“MIL let’s focus on getting your last child out of the house before you start asking for grandkids”

“Oh, are you offering to pay for their upbringing?”

Extended Family

“Trust me, we’ll let you know as soon as we make the conscious decision to have unprotected sex”

“When God and our bank account say it’s time.”

Friends

“DH just gives SUCH good facials!” – This is for close friends that know our sense of humor.

“You first!”

Post # 54
Member
982 posts
Busy bee

@Mrs. Mouse:  It’s such a personal question, and I don’t think it’s appropriate to ask – EVER. A friend of mine always used to ask when my older sister was going to have a baby. Her and her husband had been TTC with no luck (now have a beautiful little boy), but that’s not anyone’s business. Asking when someone is going to have a baby is kinda like saying ‘are you having unprotected sex right now?’. The same friend (who had a baby, and knows I am CFBC) told me she’d set aside her old baby clothes for me…. OMG! And at the time, I was still living at home! Yeah, even if I wanted kids, I’m really not in the best position to do it!

What if the couple had been TTC with no luck? What if they’d suffered miscarriages? What if one of the couple found out they were infertile? There’s a lot of what ifs – which means it’s safer for people not to ask. As for the appropriate response…’well, that’s a really personal question…’.

Post # 55
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t get asked when I’m going to have children but I’m often told about things that I’ll do when I have children. I’m most likely never going to have children so I just laugh, or say “I already have cats” or “Yep, once we get a dog we’re going to spoil it rotten just like our cats”.

Post # 56
Member
727 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@TLDR:  This is my reply, only with a dog.  Usually people stop after that.

“We have a puppy, she’s enough work.”

Post # 57
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Mrs. Mouse:  

We are a childfree couple. I know I no longer tell most people that I don’t want kids in real life. This is because the vast majority of people, especially parents, become insulting or condescending when I mention that. I also do not like being interrogated about why I have chosen not to have babies. 

When people ask me if I have children, I just say no. 98% of people are foolish enough to say “Not yet” as if people cannot decide not to have babies. There are also infertile couples, so saying “Not yet” when one knows nothing about the couple is very stupid. 

 

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