Post # 1
This is just a little vent and a request for some advice as I am sure I am not the only one to deal with this.
We are newly engaged (about 3 weeks) and Fiance has made statements about the wedding that are annoying me and really sucking the joy out of planning it. When we were talking earlier about possibly getting a credit card to reap the rewards of the wedding expenses, I threw out a ballpark number ($20K) of what we might spend and what that would translate to for rewards. Later in the day, he says, “The way you are talking this is going to be a $50K wedding” when I mentioned how cute a photobooth would be if we could fit it in the budget.
First of all $50K is not even in my mind. Nowhere near it. I’m annoyed because $20K was a ballpark figure just for an example but a realistic one for the area in which we live. I would also like to state that Fiance has clear expectations for the wedding to include: Saturday night, open bar, chic location, and his LARGE family. So if anyone has “musts” that would increase our bottom line, it’s him.
It’s just incredibly annoying to try to plan a wedding with his constant snark about the budget when he’s clueless about the costs. Any advice?
Post # 3
I’d keep in clued in about things. He’s not going to know about how much things cost if you don’t tell him – because he’s probably not going to look it up himself. I’d suggest keeping extra things off the table for now. Have him sit down with you for an hour and look up halls and caterers – and make sure you check out the prices with him. As soon as he sees the cost of things, the realty check will hit him smack in the forehead.
Post # 4
I understand and completely relate to your vent! I don’t feel like men have an adequate understanding of the ACTUAL cost of a wedding. My Fiance just says “I want the wedding to be as cheap as possible.”
When you go check out those chic locations, let him see the rental fees and catering minimums associated with them! I bet he’ll back off some of his “musts” real quick! Assure him that you know what the budget is and that you don’t intend on spending more than the budget.
I’ve changed my wedding vision three different times to try to keep the lowest budget while still being chic and nice! But, it’s a challenge. My guy has no “musts” but he keeps brining up the budget and it drives me crazy, too! Just keep your head up! He’ll eventually stop being so snarky!
Post # 5
Firstly, Congratulations on the engagement. My best advice would be to take lots of deep breaths in the months ahead. Be objective and let things go unchallenged where it’s really not worth the aggravation.There can’t really be “constant snark” when you’ve only been engaged for 3 weeks.
Sit down together and figure out what you want to spend on the weding and honeymoon- all in. Make a commitment to each other to stick to that budget.
Then decide what your priorities are. What kind of experience do you want? Start doing some research with vendors in your area. You will then get a better idea of what your budget can handle.
Then take it step by step from there.
Post # 6
I think almost every bride goes through this. You do allthe work, all the homework to find a good deal, and when you go to them and present to them a price, they freak out!
I had several talks with my fiance about that. I told him that he should KNOW me, and KNOW that I wont go with the first price thats given to me. I research my butt off and look for the best deal, before I go to him.
I hate to say this, but arguments like these, you sorta need, so that he can understand where youre coming from, and you can understand his concerns.
As a man, I dont expect them to know all the details that go into a wedding, They wont ever understand why we’d want a Photobooth, or why we want a our invites to be special, they just wont get it.
What Ive learned about my process with the Wedding planning is, to do what I want and just tell him what Im doing as Im going. Dont be deaf to any of his concerns, just reassure him about the $$ which is what they care about.
I promise you once the day comes, he’s gonna be so WOWed by your wedding, he’s gonna look at you and say, Babe, you did such a good job, this looks fantastc.
Post # 7
i hear you – we didnt argue until we became engaged and i remember once saying “i cant afford your family expectations” – my hubby has hundreds of relatives, a small family get together is about 150 people
i suggest you sit down and start a tentative budget and show him how much these things cost – if hes anything like my hubby hes pretty clueless to wedding costs (my hubby thought a $20 bunch of flowers for a bouquet was ok)
Post # 8
Thanks, bees, you’re so helpful. My first inclination is to say, “If you have no clue then shut your trap!” But that wouldn’t be very nice would it?