(Closed) The Catch (emotional)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

How far is everyone having to travel to come to the wedding?

 I don’t really have any advice on how to deal with that situation.. I’d be pretty peeved about it too though..

Post # 4
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@kristinlynn86: Ahh, Mother-In-Law problems. When my Future Mother-In-Law has snarky remarks like this I usually just try to kill her with kindness. And when I’m so fed up with her I make Fiance deal with her. My Future Mother-In-Law is very abrasive and blunt and sometimes it gets really irritating. I try to not talk wedding with her anymore and when/if she does bring it up, I quickly try to change the subject.

Post # 6
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

Is all of his family from the same town or were they going to have to travel anyway? I’d say its sour grapes and she’s going to just have to deal with it. Don’t let what she says bother you, she probably thinks you’ll change your mind if she badgers you about it and tells you no one will show up. Could you have a wedding celebration when you get back for people that couldn’t make the trip?

You fiance is ok with the decision and that’s all that matters, remember its your day! 🙂

Post # 7
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Have you tried to explain your reasoning?  Seriously, if you’ve got older grandparents who can’t travel, that should be a good enough reason for her.

Also, your FH should be saying something to his mom.  Right now, it could look like this decision was all yours.  He really should be explaining why the both of you made this choice and standing up for you.

Her comments are really unnecessary.  If you want to be confrontational, I might add something about the fact that people who choose to come, will.  And if people don’t, they won’t.  An invitation isn’t a summons.  End of story.  You can’t please everyone.  This decision worked best for some people who don’t have the option of traveling due to health reasons.

If putting your cards on the table doesn’t work, play the tradition card.  It is traditional for the wedding to be in the home town of the bride.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with someone like this.  She sounds really unreasonable and not very empathetic to your family’s health situations- and that would really bother me in your situation.  

Post # 8
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Honestly, it sounds like not engaging her in conversation is the best way to go, at least for now.  Whatever her reason is for being so negative, it sounds like she’s pretty set, at least for now, on sticking with that attitude. Which shouldn’t be your problem, especially since you and your fiance are on the same page about wedding plans.

Ideally, avoiding conversations with her about weddings would be a great option.  Though because it may not be a feasible option, I’d suggest giving her comments minimal response.  If she says something like “no one can come, it’s too expensive,” what else can you say besides, “Well, it’s set as it is and it’ll be wonderful to see those who can.”  And leave it at that.  I’d imagine the more you invest in discussions about it with her, the more it’ll fuel her whatever it is that she’s doing.  And the less you give her, the less she can work with.

If nothing else, maybe you can have your fiance talk with her and do a little bit of intervention.  I think as the bride, a lot of the wedding planning tends to automatically fall on the female shoulders (as does the blame).  Though, since it is his mother, it seems like it should be okay to ask him to do some intervention, especially if it’s getting to the point where it’s overwhelming you a whole lot.

Good luck with this situation!  I hope she starts chilling out soon.  

Post # 8
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Sorry, posted twice.

Post # 9
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If its only 2 hours away that isn’t that bad & people that can’t afford to stay in a hotel can always just go back home after the wedding. Its not like your asking them to drive 8 hours or away or somewhere that it would be impossible to make the trip and back in one day.. Plus people have plenty of time to save up if they do want to stay..

Post # 10
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If I were you, I would ask her point-blank where she thinks the wedding should be held. And then after she answers say, thats a great idea, and the people that matter the most to me would definitely make the effort to see me and my Fiance on our happiest day, regardless of where the wedding is held. however my elderly grandparents can’t travel that far, even tho they want nothing more than to see me get married so our only option is to have it in my hometown. Thanks for the great suggestion, and I truly hope that FI’s family cares enough to make it to our wedding!  If she keeps bringing it up, just tell her that you aren’t changing your mind and it’s not up for discussion any more.

Post # 12
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

My wedding is taking place in our hometown in Canada.  My Fiance is from England originally, so sixty percent of his parent’s guest list for the wedding is from England and twenty percent are from Australia.  Nobody has complained to us for a second and my Future Mother-In-Law thinks this is going to be a great party/wedding/family reunion.  My point is that this happens, this is the reality of weddings, that travel may be involved.

If people really are going to come, they will travel, it’s just part of life, therefore your Future Mother-In-Law is just trying to be snarky and rude, responding with a sweet comment like, “I would be upset if they could not make it, however, hopefully they will be able to!” will show her she can’t get to you….

Sweet and stupid will get you very far in life 🙂

Post # 14
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I feel your pain!  My Future Mother-In-Law sometimes makes snarky remarks too because our wedding will not be in FI’s hometown.  Recently, we sat down (both myself and FI) with both of FI’s parents and had a conversation about the guest list/wedding.  FI did most of the talking…and Future Mother-In-Law was still being negative.  BUT, Future Father-In-Law definitely saw thing “FI’s way” (really, our way).  FI just explained things better in a way that his dad understood.  (Don’t ask me how…I am guessing it is a dude thing.)  But, having Future Father-In-Law on “our” side definitely helped things.  

So, try having a conversation with the 4 of you (you, Fiance, Future Father-In-Law, FMIL).  Make sure Fiance does most of the talking…it was both of your’s decision, but Fiance naturally has a better bond with his parents, and I am guessing he has a better relationship with his dad.  Getting Future Father-In-Law on your side may help with Future Mother-In-Law.  

And if that doesn’t work, “kill ’em with kindness”!  Good luck!

 

Post # 15
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

2 hours?!?!  That’s not far at all.  We had our wedding across the country from all of our families.  They were thrilled to travel to the event.  SOunds like she’s just being snarky and would find something else to complain about if needed.  Hang in there and  Don’t let her get to you.  what are you supposed to do- have the wedding in her town so she doesn’t have to travel but everyone else does?

The topic ‘The Catch (emotional)’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors