Post # 62
I’m a childfree and will not have any children, by choice. While I get that it’s not that big of an event to use as a cover for a magazine, I also remember very rude, agressive and mean comments I’ve been told in the past about my life. So I think : if it can help people deal with this reality and have less prejudice over those who choose not to follow the same path they did, then yes, it is cover-worthy. Plus, I am totally not interested in celebrities having kids, sharing pictures of their pregnancies, and all those articles we find about motherhood, raising children, etc. in different magazines. Yet, they use this as covers, too. So somehow, I think if pregnancy and kids can be ”cover-worthy”, the opposite can, too.
Post # 63
@MrsWrangler: I don’t think it’s just about penalising the child free though. From the position of a system in which you give according to your ability and take according to your need, then the child free are penalised… as are those who are more physically able, more intelligent, and more hard working.
And I’m OK with that as an ideal.
On the bright side, at least I’m consistant, right?
Post # 64
@Rachel631: Interesting, because I am NOT ok with that as an ideal – I’m all about a system that is equal to all in payment, responsibility, and benefits. Then we can self-regulate how much we’re willing to give or demand to take based on our own moral fortitude. I am not a fan of determining whose need is more important on a systematic level because that unerringly introduces bias and resentment in many employees – fairness, just reward, and a common goal are key, for me. Biased reward for unequal input does not motivate me to be the most able, the most willing, and the most hardworking. Just a perspective difference.
But hey, consistency is key, and yours is noted! 🙂
Post # 65
You cannot paint ALL childfree people with the same brush.
I am childfree but I do NOT go around talking about my choice, nor do I EVER look down on people for having children. I never use the term “breeders” as I don’t like how derogatory that term is. My nieces bring a certain kind of joy to my life and I have a deep appreciation for the hard work that good parents do. I just had my four year old niece for the weekend and it was so much fun! We played, talked and cuddled. I heard two Preschool Popstars songs repeatedly and now they are stuck in my head.
I used to be honest about not wanting kids but I found that most parents become very angry and insulting when I say that. I must say that I do love the looks on their faces when I answer their “You’ll change your mind!” nonsense with: “Hmmm…not if we made it impossible. My husband has had a vasectomy.” The parents who make presumptious comments always become silent or stammer when I let the vasectomy cat out of the bag. My other favorite comment is “Is your husband okay with not having kids?” LOLOLOLOL What kind of foolish woman would marry someone who wanted kids if she didn’t want any?
I would love to read this article but I do not subscribe to Time. I enjoy the freedom of not having babies, as well as not having to go through pregnancy or childbirth. People say that I would be an excellent mother when they see how good I am with children, but being a parent is nothing like being the fun aunt. I know my POV is skewed by having an abusive mother and working as a nanny to spoiled brats in the past.
Post # 66
@TakeTwo: I didn’t. I specifically said the one’s I’ve encountered and “of course not very CBCer is like that”
Post # 67
@TakeTwo: I hate it when people ask me what my OH thinks; umm, if he wanted children, we wouldn’t be together, so is it not obvious to them that we are in agreement?
I remember once his colleague was bingoing the crap out of me. In the end, after being polite, I started to lose patience, so when he actually had the front to ask what I would do if I got pregnant, I said ‘Well, abort, obviously’. He then proceded to go on about how HE doesn’t believe in abortion (OK, right; what’s that got to do with me exactly?), before turning to my OH (who was in conversation with someone else) and asking HIM what HE would do if I got pregnant; my OH responded with ‘Kill it!’ and grinned, and his colleague was finally shocked into silence.
But the simple fact that a) he was trying to push his beliefs on me, and then b) asked my OH what HE would do if I got pregnant, as if he has any say over what I do or do not want to carry in my uterus, was extremely insulting, and did make me very angry; though I didn’t show it once. It was like my answer about what I would do with my body wasn’t enough, and that I needed OH’s ‘permission’ to abort; something I found quite disturbing
Post # 68
@MsGinkgo: That’s really interesting to me. I’ve known since I was in middle school, maybe even earlier that I didn’t want biological children (and I’m growing less sure I want any children). I considered asking my doctor about a hysterectomy because what was the difference between taking post-op hormones forever but knowing it would never be an issue or taking birth control until menopause. I never pursued it because I just assumed I’d be immediately shut down.
Post # 69
@MrsWrangler: +++++. To everything you said.
Post # 70
@MrsWrangler: +1 to this: “It really rankles me to have this perception of child-free adults as second class citizens who exist to support the working parents of the world. Take care of your own kids – don’t expect me to pick up your slack for no added benefit.”
@mousepeach: You said: “When I see people snub their noses or get some kind of weird attitude about a couple not wanting to have kids….I only assume it’s because they’re jealous.” I suspect this too at times.
@FromA2B2013: This: “People may say it is selfish not to have children. Surely it is equally selfish to have a child and not be able to afford to look after it?”
To me, it is so much worse to have a child you can’t provide well for. That is a very selfish choice. If you want to decide that a life of scraping by or living off society is fine for yourself that is one thing, but it is extremely unfair to intentionally bring a child into hardship. A young couple I know well just got married, and did so right out of school. Both have barely above minimum wage jobs, and they live in the husband’s parents’ one room guest house. They can’t even rent their own apartment yet, and they were talking about having kids soon. That blows my mind. How is that NOT selfish? They said they “don’t want to be old parents”. They think friends and family will cover a lot of their expenses, and buy them so many baby gifts that they will be just fine. They have no problem living in others’ homes and having others pay their way in life. What could be more selfish than putting your own wishes before the ability to provide for your child?
Post # 71
@j_jaye: “If the media protrayed the reality rather than the stereotype then maybe the prejudice of CBCers being sanctimonious, judgemental and negative might actually die out and the world might see CBCer’s as they would anyone else.”
Amen to this and the Time Magazine cover did not help lay stereotypes to rest. I am hoping they intentionally chose a highly stereotypical image in an effort to play into the stereotype and get attention, be ironic, etc.
Post # 72
i couldnt read the whole article, but oh well.
Im CBC, 23 years old, married for almost 2 years to my 28 years old hubby.
Lately there was a baby boom in my social circles, 2 friends and 1 cousin gave birth within a week from each other, other 3 cousins are pregnant and some more friends.
My friends and relatives have started to ask when we’re planning to have kids. After some sour attempts at telling them that we dont want kids EVER, now i just say that maybe in 5-7 years, they’re happy because im young… but i wonder what they will ask when im 30… i guess i’ll just tell them im sterile… or Darling Husband.
We’re already 7 billion people, the resourses are less and less… and also… about 80% of parents are terrible at parenting, there are a TON of kids waiting to be adopted and YET people keep getting pregnant? jesus.
I mean, i get it, if i “wanted” to be a mother, i would rather have a baby of my own.
I dont want children because we dont need more people on earth, i wanna focus my life in ME, my husband and my pets, there’s no room for more, i dont have the patience to be a mother and i dont want to traumatize my child one way or another, i come from a very damaged home, Darling Husband does too and the story repeats itself, so no, no kids for me kthnx.
However i do respect people who want kids.
Post # 73
@SoupyCat: The same reasons that some people care about gay marriage and who has kids and who maybe decides to stay with someone for the rest of their life but never get officially married. EVERYONE is up everyone else’s a$$ all the time. Personally, I don’t like it. That’s why I’m libertarian 🙂
I do think that this is TIME-worthy, because population-wise, the 20-30 something population (millenials, or whatever you want to call them) are having less and less children, to the point where it’s becoming somewhat of a phenomenon. I think the editors at the magazine figured it may pertain to enough couples who never want to have kids, and to enough 20-somethings (like myself) who really aren’t sure. As someone who questions it, I would be more than interested to read an article that showed me a different point of view.
As far as keeping the population up, we are actually headed for world population numbers that could eventually become catastrophic. We went from 4 billion at the turn of the 1900’s to 7 billion in 100 years. That’s insane! I think if a few million couples decided not to have kids, we would still be able to sustain our population, but that’s just an educated guess lol.
Post # 74
“the CBCers bitch about lack of respect and judgement for their choice yet they also have judgment and negativity to spew and often in the most sanctimonious way.”
No specification here. You did correct yourself in another post but this is your inital sentiment.
Post # 75
I still don’t get why it’s selfish to not have a kid. Seems selfish to me to have a kid that you don’t want to just fit into society.
I live in the South where people pop kids out like bowel movements, and people assume you’ll start soon as you can. I do not have a kid right now by choice. My husband and I might decide to have one, but it won’t be anytime soon. We’re both well educated and moving along in our careers. I’m going back to get my master’s next year. A kid while getting my master’s and working a full-time job is nearly impossibly. My mom gets mad whenever I mention that there might not be kids and if there are it’ll be another 5 years. She doesn’t get why I’d postpone or never have kids. She’s being selfish because she wants grandkids to spoil and then return to my home when she’s done with them. I’m not the selfish one. She is.
Post # 76
It is cover-worthy if it is a trend that is rising.
Personally I’m planning to have children, but I think that those who choose to be child-free are unfairly stigmatized. It is especially foolish to stigmatize them when you consider that the planet is already overpopulated. They are doing humanity a favor by not adding to the planet’s heaving burden of humans. I wish I could be so kind myself, but damn it, the evolutionary desire to have and nurture children pulls strong in me.
What I don’t respect is people who choose to be parents but aren’t able or willing to put in the work to raise a child properly – don’t take on a responsibility for another human’s life if you’re not 100% invested in making sure you can meet that massive responsibility, no matter what. That’s selfish and cruel. I expect my choice to have and raise children to be respected and I do respect those who choose not to. It’s not so hard.
But since some people still berate those who don’t want to have kids, yes, let’s work to tear apart that stigma against child-free adults. It needs to die. Not only is it oppressive and unjust to stigmatize an adult for owning his/her own freedom to make decisions for his/her own life that don’t cause harm to others, it probably bullies some people who know they don’t want children into having them anyway, which, again, is cruel to the child. Both the bullied unmotivated parent, and those who bullied them into it, are at fault for that child’s poor situation. An entirely avoidable situation of innocent human suffering: that’s not a good thing at all.