- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014
Okay, everyone… I’ve seen a couple threads around here asking what people thought of couples who get married and then have a wedding weeks, months, or even years later. Some people say it isn’t a big deal, some have been adamently offended by the idea, and others have felt like it was the couple just trolling for gifts. We don’t want to upset people or put them off coming to our wedding, but my FH and I were planning on doing this because of the special circumstances of our relationship. Since we do have special circumstances, I’d love to know what the hive thought about this plan…
I’m 21 years old, and my fiancé is 23 (24 in June); I am in my first year of university, and he graduates in the spring. This summer we will have been together for seven years. I am happy to be engaged, and regardless of our circumstances, we would be engaged right now.
I always wanted a longish engagement. I wanted to take my time, plan without stress, and get married when my finances were perfectly in order. He wanted the same. Sadly, I have no savings and he has nothing but a little bit of debt, so circumstances right now are not ideal.
Unfortunately, my fiancé and I do not have the luxury of a longish engagement that many people have. We are a long distance couple (he lives in England, I live in Canada), and the only way to be together is to get married because of immigration issues. Thus, we simply do not have time to save enough for the wedding we want. We love each other, know we want to be together and that we would get married eventually anyway, but we’re sick of not being together and marriage is the only thing stopping us from that.
So instead of getting the long engagement that we wanted, we are moving rather quickly and getting married on paper this spring. Our parents know about this and are very happy for us. They agree that it is smart for us to get married so we can live in the same country together, but we have decided that will not be announcing the marriage to anyone else because we want the wedding to be on our own terms. It isn’t fair that we don’t get to have an engagement, take engagement photos, plan the wedding together, and enjoy the engagement period like other couples do. So because of that, the paperwork will be done, but we won’t consider eachother husband and wife. Common law couples, after all, have all the same legal ties as married couples, so it will just be as though we are common law rather than married.
As a result, we are going to continue to live as an engaged couple after that (not going to exchange rings, I won’t take his name yet, etc) and then have the wedding either next year or the year afterwards. We’re hoping that by then we’ll be able to save up enough money (coupled with our parents generous donations) to have that perfect, special day in which we, in front of our friends and family, can demonstrate our love and commitment to the world. To us, that is what a wedding is, not a piece of paper. Really, we refuse to let a piece of paper keep us apart and prevent us from having what most other couples in the world get to have.
So with those circumstances explained, would it be offensive to our guests to do this? Basically, would you be offended if you were a guest to our wedding?
We don’t want to be telling people because, to us, we haven’t been married until we’ve committed in front of the people we love. I just wanted to know if people would be upset about this, particularly under these circumstances, in case it somehow did get out.