(Closed) The cost of being a bridesmaid [vent]

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

WOW! I do agree thats not fair of your sister at all. It doesnt matter that you and your Fiance CAN afford the additional expenses it matters that you had an agreement and she broke it. Ask her how she would feel in your shoes? I doubt she would appreciate you suddenly adding $200 to her bridesmaid expenses. If she cant put herself jn your shoes than she is truely being a very selfish bride and I am sorry you have to deal with that. $60 jewelry is ridiculious! There are plenty of beautiful matching necklace and earring sets for $30 especially at this time of year. Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
2907 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yikes! That is really uncool of her. I wonder how her other bridesmaids feel about it? Mine would totally mutiny if I started demanding that much additional money from them. Sorry about your bridezilla sister… hopefully she’ll come to her senses after the wedding and give you a big apology!

Post # 5
Member
6823 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would tell her unless she is going to pay for anything over budget you are refusing to purchase it. It is silly and unfair she is going way over the agreed upon budget.

Post # 6
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It sounds petty, but maybe she needs a taste of her own bridezilla. Just tell her you’ve changed your mind and your bridesmaids suddenly have a few more expenses. 

Post # 8
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think that is unfair of her! It shouldn’t cost anyone an arm and a leg to participate in such a special event. Too bad you didn’t negotiate that you would purchase her items for your wedding and she would purchase your items for her wedding. Maybe she can take the extra $50 you saved her and use it to purchase the jewelry she wants to you have.

Post # 9
Member
467 posts
Helper bee

I really doubt the other bridesmaids are cool with spending over $400 on their attire.  this cost doesn’t include hair, makeup and travel costs.  I think your sister is being super selfish.  You could start a bridesmaids mutiny, and get her to cut down on costs.  If you want your bridesmaids to wear matching jewlery and shoes, you should pay for it yourself in my opinion.  The only bridal party I’ve ever been in where I’ve been required to spend more than $200 on my dress, is one in which we were allowed to pick out our own dresses in matching fabric.  I actually still wear that dress, so I didn’t mind the cost.

Post # 10
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Can you talk to your parents? Not in a tattling way, but since they are paying for your other sister, they may also be balking at the cost. Maybe your parents can help talk some sense into bridezilla.

Post # 11
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@wbg21:  Hmmmm would your sister be open to you helping her find other jewelry sets? Look at the one she has picked out and help find something similar? And I know for a fact there has GOT to be cheaper dyeable shoes out there. I wanted my 2 Maid/Matron of Honor to have dyed shoes to match their Mercury dresses too but once we found shoes and saw they were $40 plus $10 to dye at DAvids, that’s still $50 for a pair of shoes they might never wear again so I changed my mind and told those 2 girls to just wear any black shoe. THe dresses are long anyway. The other girls are wearing watermelon dresses with any silver shoes. I just wasn’t the “Bridezilla” type to tell everyone they had to not only buy a $120 dress, but also buy the same shoes they might not like or wear again and now jewelry too. I did buy all my girls their jewelry as part of their gifts because I wanted them to be matching and I couldn’t imagine asking them to buy their own. I wanted being a bridesmaid to be a FUN experience, not one that my sister, sister in law to be, cousin, and 4 friends dread and go away saying “I will NEVER say yes to being a Bridesmaid again!”. I wonder if your sister has thought about that?

Post # 13
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yeah, it’s funny how generous people get with other people’s money.  We’re in a similar situation in general with DH’s sister (we’re “rich” and they’re “poor”, and that pretty much comes up with her AND his parents anytime we complained – even though the reason we’re “rich” is that we live well below our means, and sacrifice a lot…).  Thankfully both of our weddings are over, but it was a nightmare…

I wish you guys had agreed at the beginning to just pay eachother’s costs of being a bridesmaid.  That probably would have kept things in check for all her bridesmaids, knowing that whatever SHE chooses is coming out of her pocket for you, and then you could have been your practical, reasonable self choosing HER attire.  Unconventional, but I think it’s a really good strategy that avoids keeping score when people are in eachother’s weddings simultaneously.  I’d be a little perturbed at having to buy $100 worth of jewelery for a wedding that I’ll never wear again.  The only piece of jewelery I have over 50 bucks is my engagement/wedding ring!

That said, being in a wedding is ALWAYS expensive.  I was Maid/Matron of Honor in my best friend’s wedding, and once all expenses were added up, it cost about $1200, and Darling Husband and I were both in his sister’s wedding and at the end of the day costs for that were $5600 (Destination wedding, with many ridiculous things his parents thought we should pay for them, and didn’t have the energy to fight)

 

Post # 15
Member
3585 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@wbg21:  Practice this phrase:

 

“I’m sorry, no. I won’t buy those things.”

 

and then deliver the line to her. The end. At this point there is no negotiation.

And if she boots you from the wedding, it is ridiculous on her part but so be it.

Post # 16
Member
346 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I totally can relate…  Except it wasn’t my sister it was a good friend of mine.. right before she started looking at wedding stuff we had this long drawn out conversation about how she was picking davids bridal for her bridesmaids dresses because they come in every size and its afforable.  She kept going on and on about how she didn’t want the girls expenses to be more than 150-200$ max.   when push came to shove she picked out these 250$ bridesmaids dresses plus nina silver shoes, then pickes essie nail polish.  Thankfully she didn’t give us expectations about what type of hairstyle and makeup thank god because she picked a 120$ hairstylist.   Her Maid of honor was just as bad,  every 5 minutes there was a new expense… each of us had to pitch in 250$ for a bridal shower (there were 8 of us) then she wanted another 100$ for a gift for the shower, then another 200$ for a batchelorette party that was supposed to last friday-sunday.

 

It started to get so out of control byt the time the batchelorette party came around that more than half the girls just never bothered going because they didn’t have the money.  The worst part of it all was how it was made obvious that you were expected to give a significant gift to the couple at the wedding since they kept saying how they spent 40k on the wedding when their budget was supposed to be 12k and they put so much on Credit.

 

Thankfully my sister was very easy going.  we could pick any bridesmaid dress at davids bridal… and had to have silver shoes of any type.  For our hair we all went together to a salon and it was only 40$ per updo.

 

heres a picture from her wedding

 

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