Post # 1
Member
3830 posts
Honey bee
Ok this is a question for anyone who has been involved in a Buck and Doe, Stag and Doe, whatever you want to call them.
Does the wedding party get reimbursed for their portion of the expenses? Meaning, usually do they take the proceeds, reimburse everyone for their expenses, and then the net income is the bride and grooms portion?
We had a stag and doe (i agreed to one instead of a shower, since its very popular in DH’s circle to have one), and it didn’t cost the wedding party anything. We still made enough to cover the cost of our flowers and a few other things so it was a great help. I also was in one for another friend and it was the same thing. Everyone was reimbursed.
However, i have been asked to help plan one for another friend and they say no one gets reimbursed. So this thing could cost me a couple hundred dollars and really some people could put nothing in and others have to bare the weight of the cost. I am so confused. That doesn’t make any sense to me.
Opinions?
Post # 2
Member
5196 posts
Bee Keeper
Swizzle: I’m confused. I thought stag and doe was the bachelor/bachelorette party? What are you getting money from to reimburse everyone?
Post # 3
Member
3830 posts
Honey bee
weatherbug: oh god. I should note this is the american definition of Buck and Doe. Meaning the fundraiser/party the wedding party puts on for the bride and groom to help pay for the wedding.
Not like a stag or hen do which is a bachelor/bachelorette.
Post # 4
Member
1409 posts
Bumble bee
Fundraiser party? What part of America does this happen in? I’ve never heard of it.
Post # 5
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
Swizzle: I think it is dependant on the bride and groom. I am planning to reimburse wedding party for things like hall rental, DJ, any alcohol that is bought before but I am also hoping each person donates a prize for the night (~30-50$). I am not sure the etiquette or what not on this but that is my plan for now.
Post # 6
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
Swizzle: When we had our stag and doe every one was reimbursed for their costs and the rest was given to us. The only portions that were not reimbursed was if the bridal party decided to donate a gift for the raffle. Everything else (liquor, license, hall, music, food and so on) was paid back to everyone who put in money for it.
I’ve never heard of anyone having to pay a couple hundred for a stag and doe party and not getting it back, I would have problems with this.
Post # 7
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
HannahGrace: Pretty much everywhere in North America.
Post # 8
Member
1409 posts
Bumble bee
winterwoodlandbride15: I’ve lived in New England, DC, and California and I’ve somehow never heard of it, so I guess they aren’t that prevalent and/or somehow all of my friends were out of the loop.
Post # 9
Member
2028 posts
Buzzing bee
winterwoodlandbride15: Sorry, these fundraisers are beyond “not the done thing” in every part of the USA I have lived in, which is most of it minus parts of the west coast. From what I can tell on this board, these events seem to be most common in certain parts of Canada.
Post # 10
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
HannahGrace: True, that wasn’t fair of me… it does depend on the area. I’m in Ontario, Canada and it’s common here. I’ve heard of it all over the states too though… so I guess just not on your areas?
Post # 11
Member
5196 posts
Bee Keeper
Swizzle: I’ve never heard of this. What country are you in?
I would assume it would be polite to reimburse them the costs of the party and keep the rest.
Post # 12
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: March 2015 - On a Cliff Overlooking the Bay, Florida
Swizzle: winterwoodlandbride15: I have never heard of this in the US. This is all new to me.
Post # 13
Member
3378 posts
Sugar bee
I have also never heard of this (living in or having family all over the midwest, east coast, parts of the south, pacific northwest…). How extensive are the costs for the wedding party? I would think if they were out a lot of their own money, at least partially reimbursing them would be good – if it was something like everyone kicked in $20, maybe not so much. But again, I’ve never heard of this, so I don’t really know “what’s done.”
Post # 14
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
MarriedToMyWork: Makes sense, I’m in Canada and I haven’t met anyone who didn’t know what it was before. I know there’s lots of areas that don’t have them around here (mainly in the bigger cities), but I thought people knew what it was. My bad 
Post # 15
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
Canadian here. I’ve only been a bridesmaid for one and all I contributed was a gift for the raffle, so I wasn’t reimbursed for that.
I can’t really imagine how the bridal party would be putting down money for any of it upfront? If the bride and groom are planning on paying for the hall, booze, DJ themselves then why are they asking anyone else to pay for it in advance? For my cousin, some of the bridal party helped deliver the beer and set up the hall but nobody put down any deposits other than the couple themselves.
I think if you are being asked to contribute hundreds of dollars up front, you shouldn’t expect to see any of it back.
