(Closed) the crazy FMIL, help & advice appreciated…very long

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
3302 posts
Sugar bee

Go on the trip and have an “exit” plan if she starts being nasty. At the end of the day, it is still and will always be his mother. Be civil, cordial and ignore her BS…. Leave if it gets to be too much.

Post # 4
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015


Hmm, reminds me of my Future Father-In-Law.  He’s STILL sulking because he thinks I was antisocial on a weekend away – which translates as being mad that I didn’t stay up all night drinking (I was ill and ended up being hospitalized when we returned from the trip)  The trip was TWO years ago….Fiance and I lived apart, approx 200 miles from each other until a month ago…I went down to stay the weekend with his parents a week before Christmas last year. Future Father-In-Law barely said one word to me and spent the whole weekend in their bedroom. 

Future Father-In-Law has a low opinion of me because I’ve been married before, and have serious health problems – I’m currently in remission from cancer, for the second time.  His attitude towards it stinks, I’m sure he thinks I’m some sort of gold digger.  Which is laughable, Fiance (41) works in care and while reasonably paid, will never be rich.  FFIL is an accountant, and both him and Future Mother-In-Law are obsessed with money.  FI says his father is ‘disappointed’ that he doesn’t earn more.  How a parent could feel that way about a child who is doing a worthwhile job helping people and loves their career is beyond me. 

I’ve told Fiance that at 44 I’m too old for Father-In-Law shit, and that I’m never staying at his parents again, and the devil will be going to work in a snowplough before I travel anywhere with them again.  If I see them once a year, at Christmas for a couple of hours, that’s fine with me.  FI can deal and see them on his own, they are his parents. 

If you don’t want to go on this trip, don’t go.  After the way she’s behaved, you owe her nothing.  

Post # 5
116 posts
Blushing bee

If I was in you shoes I would go. You do not want to look like you are being childish or holding a grudge agains her. I can talk because I too have a bad mother in law that likes to put me down to make her self feel better.


Post # 6
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You poor thing! Your Future Mother-In-Law sounds like an unreasonable person. I would go on the trip and just try to grin & bear it. Maybe you guys can stay in a hotel? Or maybe, Fiance can just tell his mom that he is afraid she will be unkind to you and that staying in a hotel may be better for everyone so you guys can have your own space at the end of the day? Even if she says no & wants you guys at her place, it will make her aware that you two see the potential for her bad behavoir and that it won’t be tolerated. Good luck with whatever you decide!

Post # 7
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Stay in a hotel on the trip.

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