Yo. TexasSpringBride is not saying date rape doesn’t happen. She is saying a few things…namely, that the specific example in question does not include enough details for her to judge whether the woman was raped…and that women should take responsibility for themselves.
People are taking issue with the latter because of the fact that no woman deserves to get raped. Well, DUH, no woman deserves to get raped. HOWEVER…that doesn’t mean rapes don’t happen. It doesn’t mean a woman is 100% safe if she dresses in revealing clothing, drinks at a bar with strangers, and goes home with a stranger — or even with a friend. We all know that women aren’t 100% safe in these situations, yet these situations happen all the time. It does not make any assault that happens the FAULT of the victim…but it does mean that women can take action to protect themselves.
Here is a story I was thinking about on the way home from work:
My friend and I got drunk at a shady bar (there were like holes in the floor and stuff…total dive! since rennovated. details.) and decided to go home with these two random guys. I don’t think we even knew their names. One looked like my first boyfriend ever (so cute!) so I was really into him. We were TOTALLY drunk. Like so drunk my friend was WALKING ON TOP OF CARS. Crazy. The guys had been buying us drinks, and could have put anything in there. So we get to their house, and I started making out with the guy, and the other guy pulled my friend into his bedroom. She was shouting for me, holding a whiffle bat (you know, always be prepared), laughing, but saying NO NO NO to the guy over and over. I would stop making out with the guy, check on her, see that he wasn’t touching her, and go back to the couch. Finally she was like, “PEACH WE NEED TO LEAVE!!!!!” and we did. We literally bolted out of the house, and ran back to my apartment.
We told this story to her brother (um who is my darling fiance now!) and his response was, “You guys are idiots.” Anyone we tell that story to tells us, endearingly or not, that we’re stupid, dumb, whatever. And it’s true. We were utterly defenseless (save a whiffle bat) against these guys…and knowing the rape culture that is out there, still made the semi-conscious decision to go to their house. My point is that women definitely do stupid things. That does NOT NOT NOT mean rape is THEIR FAULT. The rapist is at fault. But women can’t relinquish all responsbility for ending up in some situations.
Yeah this won’t go over well I know. I’m going to dye my hair, check back, go to a birthday party for a one year old (stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of), tutor, and then I’ll be back. =)