- 8 years ago
To add to the conversation, I will say that PURELY BASED ON THE OP SITUATION, I would have a hard time classifying it as rape. Based ONLY on the details provided in that scenario, it would be hard for me to conclusively say that it was or wasn’t. I would not say that the girl (or guy) put herself/himself into the situation and should have been smarter, or was asking for it, or anything like that. I would say that the girl knows she consented to kissing at the very least, and she may or may not have consented to more than that, but simply doesn’t remember. I totally understand that from the legal aspect, any level of intoxication means a person can’t consent, but I think ethically it’s a really gray area. I took “black out drunk” to mean she was not unconscious, but couldn’t remember events from the previous evening upon waking the next day. Black out drunk presents itself in different ways for different people and without more information, we don’t know if she acted outwardly normal while being extremely intoxicated, to the point where the other person in question legitimately couldn’t tell she was not coherent. We don’t know if the other person asked her if she wanted to have sex, and we don’t know what her response was. Obviously if she was unconscious, or unable to stand/speak, or he asked her if she wanted to have sex and she said no, it would without a doubt be rape. And, even if she didn’t remember what happened, if she did feel violated, of course it would be 100% within her rights to either report it, or if she felt comfortable doing so, asking other people at the party what had happened, or even asking the other person what happened (only if she felt comfortable.) I guess, from a legal standpoint, the criteria meet the definition of rape, but ethically, I wouldn’t be comfortable 100% saying it was.
One difference I’ve noticed in the stories of victims/survivors here, and the story the OP presented, is that the victims/survivors typically (even if they were drinking) remember the incident, even just snippets of it, and/or remember clearly saying no. That is not the case with the OP’s situation.
And yes, I’ve been sexually assaulted and I’ve been “date raped.” So I am not coming at this as someone who can’t understand because it hasn’t happened to them.