(Closed) The "Did I Cheat?" Continuation Thread

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 407
Member
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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@TexasSpringBride:  Re: passed out or blacked out, I still don’t think it’s legal consent.

Post # 408
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

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@pinkzebra:  So she would have been asking for it, then? Would the same thing go for someone who wears tight clothes to a club? Or someone who allows a man to buy her dinner, but then refuses to put out after he bought her lobster? What if she consented to having sex with one frat brother, but the others saw her lying there naked and decided to take a turn?

Of course it’s rape. An intoxicated woman is unable to give consent. A lack of a response should never automatically mean yes.

Post # 409
Member
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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@HappySky7:  We tried that, didn’t work. 😉

Post # 410
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@TexasSpringBride:  From what I remember of the story, the OP said that she said no and that she wasn’t able to think properly–she basically told him that she was unable to make a decision at the time.

And, yes, I am sure as hell going to judge a man who feels entitled enough to keep kissing a woman who is repeatedly saying “no.”  Did he commit a criminal act?  That’s up to the courts. Do I personally find his actions reprehensible and coercive?  Yes.

Post # 411
Member
55 posts
Worker bee

 

Edit: Fuck this. This board is too much and I’m tired of putting my story out there and being denied and victim-blamed. It is too sad to me that women work so hard against each other. I can’t believe I ever thought the bee would be a good supportive environment.

Post # 412
Member
983 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I can’t handle this thread anymore. Thanks to the bees who shared their stories and their support for myself and other victims of assault. I’m going to go watch brave and drink a lot of wine. see you on the ring boards. 

Post # 413
Member
5949 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

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@Jellybones:  +1,000,000

Post # 414
Member
2446 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

The first comment on this post is by a troll justifying rape. WHY ARE WE EVEN DISCUSSING THIS?! A person gets too impaired to make any judgements or give proper consent- THE END. There are no ands, if, or buts in this situation – rape occurred.

Post # 415
Member
679 posts
Busy bee

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@HappySky7: What about victims who themselves aren’t sure whether or not OP situation could be classified as rape? I’m not referring to ANY of the victim’s stories that were shared on this forum — only to the hypothetical situation that was posted. I think it’s possible to be a victim and still not know 100% whether something is considered rape. It’s not mutually exclusive; I do assume that when anyone says they have been raped, they are telling the truth, but there are some instances where they aren’t.

Post # 416
Member
1170 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

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@kvliner:  Im truly sorry for what happened to you. I do know what its like. If you said no then that is rape. If he did things that you clearly said no too, that is rape. Again I am not blaming the victim, you say you said no then that is rape and I hope to god his nuts fall off and really bad things happen to him.

Somewhere it got lost.

From the original post I can not know with certainty if it was rape or not. There are to many unknowns. We arent suppose to judge someone for their actions prior to the act, but we can pass judgement on a man we dont even know based on a thread that was created on another site. 

All Im saying is that before we ruin a man’s life we should make damn certain it was rape.

How can anyone know what someones intoxication levels are if someone is acting sober and doesnt appear to be drunk. I think its a very grey area.

 

 

Post # 417
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

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@TexasSpringBride:  So because some horrible women lie, it makes those of us who were victiized automatically suspect? Any woman who cries rape should be prosecuted. But regardless, that is not the norm. Many women are raped, yet don’t report it because they don’t think they’ll be believed. I blame a combination of the ignorance of people who would suspect them because they’ve “heard of some evil chick who cried rape”, women who lie about being raped, and the boy’s club that exists in most places.

I was raped my first time. My boyfriend decided it was time to have sex. While I didn’t agree with him, he forced me anyway. I felt I hadn’t fought enough, so I never reported it. It took me years to eve admit to myself and my mother that I’d been raped because I blamed myself for dating him in the first place.

Towana Brawley, the Duke accuser, your friend, and anyone else whose ever falsely cried rape should not ever factor into this discussion. They’re part of the problem, along with anyone who would cite that sort of thing in the first place.

Post # 418
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

It was rape…

However she shouldnt have put herself in that situation, im not saying she asked for it, but lets face it, we all know there are predators out there, so we should be careful.

At least careful enough not to get drunk/high in front of someone who might take advantage.

I know society shoudl teach not to rape instead of “be careful or you can get raped” but that’s not the reality and i sadly doubt that society will ever get to that point.

I still say it was rape though

Post # 419
Member
1170 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

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@HeathenSwan:  Of course not. I was a victim myself. I was a child victim. I am not saying that anyone who lies should make all women suspect. I know that rape in underreported.

I am only saying from the original post that I can not determine whether he raped her or not.

I am also saying that women should use common sense. Which is not to say that doing so will prevent a rape. Rape happens regardless, however I believe that we as women since we know we can be victimized should do all we can to make sure we minimize the risk.

Post # 420
Member
1695 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

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@Nona99:  I agree.  I can’t handle this anymore.  It’s seriously too much.

Post # 421
Member
679 posts
Busy bee

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@HeathenSwan: I’m not sure if you were meaning to reply to me about the “automatic suspicion” of rape victims?

If you were, I’d like to clarify that I said that I always assume that someone who says they’ve been raped is telling the truth, however if there is any evidence to the contrary, I think that needs to be examined as well and not just dismissed.

I would never just suspect someone was lying simply because I personally knew of a situation where that happened. I’m just saying that if there was factual knowledge that pointed to the accusation being false, it would only be fair to consider it.

And, like I already said, NONE of the stories I have heard told here even come close to sounding like they weren’t rape and I empathize with all the victims here 100%.

The topic ‘The "Did I Cheat?" Continuation Thread’ is closed to new replies.

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