Post # 422
Member3580 posts
Sugar bee
- WillyNilly
- 8 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
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And with that, I am out! It’s been …. uh….interesting, kittens.
- CategoriesRelationship
Member@kvliner: It is. But just like with ‘real life’, there are people who can’t see eye to eye. It doesn’t make your experience any less important or real. xo
Post # 423
Member569 posts
Busy bee
- Moomin
- 8 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
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Post # 424
Member1396 posts
Bumble bee
- artichokey
- 8 years ago
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I agree, I think it’s time to kill this thread. I’m sad that so many women, and often victims themselves, have taken such a victim-shaming approach. Common sense doesn’t keep women from getting raped. Men not raping keeps women from getting raped. That was the discourse I was hoping would occur. Instead we spend 11 pages focusing on how she should have been drunk, shouldn’t have sat on his lap, shouldn’t have done XYZ.
And then, to top it off, someone suggests that men are held to a higher standard than women. We live in a country where 1 in 6 women is raped and 1 in 4 is sexually assaulted BY MEN. Expecting them to NOT DO THAT and ASK FIRST is not holding them to a higher standard. That is NOT a higher standard. We use phrases like, “boys will be boys” and “good old boys” and “that’s just how they’re programmed, they’ll test you.” And when a high profile person is accused of rape, the first question anyone asks is whether or not the girl is lying. Don’t you think that girl who accused the lacrosse player could have been raped but couldn’t handle the pressure from the media and the friends/teammates of the accused? Plausible, no? And let’s not forget that people at Penn State were more upset that a coach got fired than that one of the coaches had sexually assaulted dozens of boys.
I want to thank all of the ladies who shared their stories. I hope that somewhere, someone was able to understand the perspective of a victim. If it stops someone from going forward thinking, “she was asking for it” then I think it was worth it. Woman on woman hate has to stop. Not all rape fits a perfect mold and not every situation is the same. But any time a sexual assault occurs, it’s horrible and awful and it sticks with you forever.
Peace out.
Post # 425
Member2959 posts
Sugar bee
- trueblue14
- 8 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
Unless a person consciously agrees to sex, anything else I would consider rape. I don’t care if there was kissing or anything else going on prior. Unless a person agrees to have sex, it is rape!
Post # 426
Member2959 posts
Sugar bee
Post # 427
Member1085 posts
Bumble bee
- pinkgreenandyellow
- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
This is still going?
Wow. What a rise they got out of this.
I’m sorry to all who can relate to this thread and to all who were hurt by this thread, even though I didn’t participate, someone who has been there, I know how shaky these topics can be.
Post # 428
Member4843 posts
Honey bee
- HappySky7
- 8 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
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I’m not getting into it. This whole discussion disgusts me. No one has a say on what a victims experience is except the victim. I’d appreciate it if the rest of you did not involve me in the discussion further.
Post # 429
Member996 posts
Busy bee
Post # 430
Member3415 posts
Sugar bee
- NurseMandie
- 8 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge
I’m a little perurbed by a poster that insinuates that if a person gets drunk and possibly high “They are asking to have sex with someone”. Out of all the times in my life I have drank a little too much never ONCE did I ever think “I’m setting myself up for unwanted/unwarrented sex”. Just because I’m out having a good time with my girls and I flirt with a guy does not mean it is ok for him to continue to force kisses or any other kind of contact on me. That is what I’ve been taught from teachers, from my parents and from other law enforcement professionals when I was younger. No means NO whether you are drunk or sober. And in some states if a person is under the influence of substances and another person is not and those 2 have sex and later the drunk party says they were not ok with it…that is considered rape. It depends on the state though. Just like a 20 year old and a 17 year old are considered statutory rape in some states but not others even if both parties consent.
Post # 431
Member3415 posts
Sugar bee
- NurseMandie
- 8 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge
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Post # 432
Member379 posts
Helper bee
- MrsCreeToBe
- 8 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
Man, some of you should just stick to wedding and engagement ring talk.
Gobsmacked.
Post # 433
Member172 posts
Blushing bee
- HeavyMetalMomma
- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
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To me, there’s a very fine line when alcohol/drugs are involved. I know a lot of people that get drunk/high and sleep with someone, then in the morning regret it and say they were raped, when they actually consented at the time. It’s a tough call to some people on what “consenting” is, so I can see how many take advantage of blaming one night stands on rape so they don’t come off as a whore. To me, if you go home with someone and willingly sleep with them, alcohol or not, it shouldn’t be rape. If you go home with them, decide you don’t want to, or are unsure of where you are, who they are, and what you’re doing and they push you to do it anyway, yes, that would be.
It makes me angry reading some of the earlier posts, and I can see how a lot of bees are offended by the words used. As a victim myself, I’m very sensitive about the topic and have strong feelings on it, but others here seem to generalize and make the situation very black and white, when there is in fact a lot of grey area. I was raped when I was WITH my boyfriend, whom I had been dating and living with (I did not consent, I said no repeatedly and was trying to leave him) and I didn’t receive a lot of support from friends/family since their overall opinion was “you can’t get raped by him, he’s your boyfriend.”
Post # 434
Member55 posts
Worker bee
- kvliner
- 8 years ago
Jesus, can we just let this thread die already… Really wish it would have been closed.
Post # 435
Member1396 posts
Bumble bee
- artichokey
- 8 years ago
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Post # 436
Member55 posts
Worker bee
- kvliner
- 8 years ago
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The topic ‘The "Did I Cheat?" Continuation Thread’ is closed to new replies.