(Closed) The Difference between Engaged and Being Married (Rant/Vent)

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 5
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Ehhh…I think most people ask that to newlyweds simply because they don’t know what else to say.  It’s just small talk.  I’d let it roll right off your back.

People used to ask me that all the time after we got married (“Does it feel different being married?”).  I just used to laugh and say, “Not really, but my ring finger does feel a lot heavier now!”  Then I’d just smile and change the subject.  Whenever I don’t know what to say, i just try to say something silly or lighthearted to lighten the mood/ change the subject.

Post # 6
Member
2513 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

LOL – Well said! I totally agree, all relationships change, married or not. I never understood it either when I heard people say that. Especially when they would wrinkle up their nose while they were saying it like they smelled something bad or something… I wanted to ask them, “Now, WHY did you get married?” Apparently, they had no clue of the evolution of life stages in general before tieing the knot. Fast forward a few years, and they’re passing on their “wisdom” like it’s a cure for cancer! Sheesh. People really need to just shut up.

Post # 7
Member
1508 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think I undrstand where this is coming from. If older folks are the ones asking this they may not have lived together before marriage, and living together is quite a change. I know, because we didn’t live together until after we were married.

Post # 8
Member
673 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

All changes are gradual. The love I have with my fiance will mature with time, not just because of a piece of paper. I think some people believe that once they’re married, everything will change for the better. There’s no magic switch. As long as you have a great relationship going into marriage, it’s not like all hell breaks loose once you’re married– but like all things that change over time, so will relationships. Remember that “new relationship” rush? Though for me that’s faded a bit, (after 5 years of dating) I’m still head over heels for my fiance. What was once new and exciting has matured into a deeper connection.

 

Anyway, that’s what I would lecture to those people!

 

My own rant: some people smirk when they learn we’re high school sweethearts. We met 1 month before graduation (big school,) and people can be so cynical about it. They seem to think that if we’ve been dating this long, that we’ve formed our personalities out of eachother, or something.

 

Anyway, that’s my rant!

Post # 9
Member
40 posts
Newbee

Um, seriously? I ask people this all the time, and like MrsK2Be said, it’s just small talk!

It’s in a string of questions I might ask “How was the honeymoon?/Does it feel different now that you’re married?”

I would never ever think someone would get as offended as the posters on this thread!

What on earth is offensive about asking a newlywed couple how it feels to be married? I think everyone needs to take a step back and realize that it’s just chit-chat small talk! I promise you that people are not out to intentionally hurt your feelings by asking about your relationship!

Post # 11
Member
40 posts
Newbee

I just think you might be reading too much into it, IMO. I can see myself saying all of those things to a newlywed couple, and I would never be judging them! I would just be asking them small talk type questions. I would never judge someone who said it didn’t feel different! Its not that “serious” of a topic, if you know what I mean. More like small talk to pass the time. I think most people feel this way, and maybe you are percieving judgement where there isn’t any. 

Post # 12
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

No I completely understand!!  It’s not an offensive question, it’s repetative.  Now that I’m pregnant, I get asked the same three questions over and over.  What DID we talk about before?  It’s like now that you’re married people can’t just find other small talk.

(You should get a t-shirt that says “Yes, we’re finally married. The honeymoon was great.  No, it doesn’t feel any different.”)

Post # 14
Member
40 posts
Newbee

Maybe I’ll just stop talking to any newlyweds or newly pregnant friends alltogether. God forbid my small talk bores them.

Post # 15
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

If the same person is asking you the same thing almost every day, then that goes beyond small talk into annoyance. 

 

Post # 16
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

While I’m not married yet–got seven months to go–I totally understand how it would be annoying after awhile. I get tired of people asking me, “You excited?!” Well, duh.  I can’t remember which gal said it before, but I think she’s right that most people just don’t know what to say and just spit out the generic question. I guess I’m lucky because where I work, with mostly men, they couldn’t give a rats butt that I’m getting married 🙂 I already just let the stupid questions roll and say, “Yup!” and talk about other things. Eventually people will stop asking.

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