(Closed) The Disgrace of Infertility

posted 7 years ago in TTC
Post # 62
Member
2943 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

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@jny1179:  ((Hugs)) I’m sorry you’re going through such pain. The most important thing I ever wanted out of my life was to become a mother. My ExH spun a wonderful story about wanting a family as much as I did and that he was so ready to be a father. After we were married, he kept pushing back on TTC saying that he wasn’t ready, that it wasn’t the best time, etc. That crushed me. I can’t imagine the pain of actively trying and hoping like you have been. Good luck.

 

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@MrsPanda99:  Of course you are being tagged. The point of tagging someone is to ensure that said person understands the comments are specifically aimed at them rather than to the universe as a whole. This may come as a surprise to you, but some people would rather be direct with communication rather than show passive aggressive and snarky behavior by making supposedly broad statements. If you think that people are “obsessing” by responding to you, what exactly do you call your hyperdefensive behavior and absolute need to respond to everyone?

If you don’t understand how message boards work, perhaps this is not the place for you. 

Post # 63
Member
2177 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

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@SadieBee:  Agreed, and well said.  This thread flew into the garbage really quick.  

Infertility IS a loss, even if there is no physical body to mourn– it’s a loss of hope, a loss of a planned future, a loss of a basic expected bodily function.  It can and should be mourned.

I hope those bees who shared their infertility stories don’t think that everyone else here who hasn’t had struggles like theirs don’t think everyone is as rude or dismissive as some here may lead you to believe.  

Post # 64
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

[comment moderated for snark, personal attack]

 

Post # 65
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

[comment moderated for baiting]

Post # 66
Member
13561 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Hey all! I’m going to pop in and echo what SadieBee said. There’s a lot of threadjacking and many personal attacks taking place in this thread, despite the fact that this thread was created with the intention of expressing love and support for other members of the community.

And because this thread was written to be supportive, I don’t want to have to close it, so I’m asking pretty please that we cool it on the negativity and the personal back and forths.

Thank you! 🙂

Post # 67
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

In all seriousness, OP, I send you nothing but love and good baby juju.

Death is a part of life just as much as birth is so not being able to give life to a child may be just as hard to one person as losing a parent is to another.”

You really hit the nail on the head here.

Post # 68
Member
3680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

[comment moderated for personal attack, snark]

Post # 69
Member
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@AB Bride:  Thank you so much for adding this!  I was trying to think of a way to address this in my initial post and it was just so. long. already that I couldn’t get it in there in any way that made sense.  But yes, I can absolutely understand that!  I have a weird situation (don’t so many of us!) where it’s both been a long time that we’ve been trying and not much time at all (long story best suited for another board).  So, I’ve had some doctors dismiss my concerns and another express….it bordered on disdain when I wasn’t AS concerned as she thought I should be.  Not quite the same as what you’re talking about but it all comes back to the same conversation about being judged for not feeling the way others think we should. 

I appreciate the community here so much.  Many days I don’t have the mental strength to think about TTC more than I absolutely have to but on my good days, I love coming here.  There’s so much support that can come from talking – and also from talking to people who don’t know you in real life.  Whether I define myself by my inability to (so far) get and stay pregnant, a lot of the people in my life who know what we’re going through are to some extent doing that.  I can’t stop my Mother-In-Law from asking “the lastest news” every time I see her.  I can’t stop my mom from worrying about me.  “Infertile” has become one of my personal adjectives in their minds and I can’t control that. I do have to deal with it though so I guard what I tell.  It’s nice to have somewhere to come where I don’t have to be as careful with what I say.

The topic ‘The Disgrace of Infertility’ is closed to new replies.

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