The drama llama has finally reared its ugly head

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Can she be a reader?  

Plus did you explain to her why she wasn’t invited to the  bachelorette?  

Post # 5
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

This is some drama. I’m on your side and don’t think you should let this bother you too much. That being said, I do kiiiiiiiinda understand why she was hurt, so I would try to be patient and explain to her that you just didn’t even think to invite her–not that you were trying to leave her out.


If you aren’t having readers, I can’t really think of anything for her to do. Maybe ask her if she wants to get ready with you and your maids the day of the wedding? I don’t know. That would maybe help her feel more a part of everything.

Post # 6
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@kmarie719:  Honestly, I think some damage control is in order.  You are marrying into this family and establishing a good repoire from the start is important.  

First, let go of the white dress comment.  You’re right – it was immature but it sounds like it came from a place of some very hurt feelings.  Think about it from her perspective – she thinks you and her brother have shut her out. 

I think you two ought to call her.  Tell her you’re sorry her feelings are hurt and that was never your intention – you just didn’t stop to consider things from her point of view.  Listen to what she has to say with sympathy and compassion.  Maybe offer to make her a bridesmaid afterall?  I mean, why not?  If you’re totally opposed to that – then ask what else she would like to be involved in – maybe her brother can tell her he wants to be sure they have a special brother sister dance at the reception.  If you’re having photos of family there, ask her to pick one of the two of them.  Just something to make her feel included. 

Post # 8
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I can see why she felt left out, sometimes even if they choose not to go, they still like to be invited.  But it WAS a misunderstanding so aside from letting her know it wasn’t intentional, what can you do?

To ask her to be a bridesmaid now I think is a little too late.  Your wedding is less than two months away and quite frankly it would feel like a guilty invite if it were me.

I can however appreciate that your Fiance is going over to talk to her first.  He likely can appreciate the family dynamics better and since you aren’t very close with her, he can probably smooth it over easier. 

As for the white dress, I say let it go.  It obviously was a rash comment but even so, she’d be the one looking silly if indeed she showed up in a white dress.

Post # 10
4284 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@kmarie719:  Eh. Blow it off. She is obviously immature. Just go about your business, she just wants something to complain about. Last thing you need so close to your big day.

Post # 11
2783 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think you are way too focused on why you wouldn’t be offended, instead of trying to understand that she is obviously not you, and is offended. I’m not syaing you necessarily did anything wrong, or with mailce…but her feelings are obviously hurt, and saying “well mine wouldn’t be” doesn’t do anything to solve the problem.

Your Fiance shouldn’t be the one handling this: you are going to be in the family, you are the one who didn’t invite her, you should be the one contacting her.

I get that you guys have never been close…but maybe she wants to change that? Or maybe she is just upset because her sibling is in the wedding and she isn’t, and she feels left out? Sometimes it’s just about wanting to support your family member, and not necessarily about being close with the other half of the couple.

I’m not saying you have to ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, or even get ready with you…but I think you’re missing the fact that you are joining this family for a lifetime and causing friction and hurt feelings over something that could be so easily solved with a simple phone call just isn’t worth it.

Post # 14
614 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Ask her to be in the house party and to join you in getting ready, hanging out with the girls, etc. She could hand out programs, manage the guestbook, hand out favors or birdseed/bubbles, pin the guys bouttonieres (it is her brother after all)  SOMETHING! I can understand a little bit. My SIL was very hurt I didn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid despite us not being close at all. So I asked her to be in the house party. I know it’s not the same thing, but it helped our relationship a little bit.




I think it would also help to bite the bullet and apologize to her (via phone or face to face–not just an email or text) about the bachelorette party. Explain that you didn’t think it would be something she would enjoy, but you regret not inviting her.




This is your new family, forever. It’s worth it to be the bigger person and try to develop these relartionships.


Post # 15
2515 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@kmarie719:  yeah i wouldn’t give it another thought. i think it’s stupid that her feeligns are hurt because she’s not a Bridesmaid or Best Man. if she’s not close to you or her own brother, why would she think she’d be in the wedding? i would never expect something like that if i weren’t close to either the bride or the groom. it doesn’t even matter that she’s family.

also, since the rest of the family seem to think she’s being ridiculous, i don’t think you’re starting off on the wrong foot with them or giving a bad impression.

Post # 16
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Miss Damask:  +1

and may I just add ow much the title of this thread made me giggle, OP? 🙂 

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