Post # 1
Bees, when J proposed on Christmas Eve, he proposed with his great grandmother’s ring. His grandparents ASKED him if he wanted to use it. He thought about it and finally said yes. They had it cleaned and put in a box waiting to be used.
Well, his family wasn’t supposed to know. Only me, my family, his grandparents and parents. We were good at keeping the secret until it somehow was let out. I think it’s my fault because of a picture I posted the night we became engaged. None of his family were on my friend’s list though. It was last weekend that his Aunt N. decided to friend request me and I accepted without thinking. My first thought was “aw, yay. That’s nice of her.” I’ve never had any problems with his side of the family whatsoever. They accepted me immediately. She was the first to give me Christmas presents when J and I started dating. Anyways, I’m ASSUMING she went through my pictures and saw the comments on my ring. OR she simply SAW the picture of the ring and knew immediately. Do I feel at fault? Yes. Do I feel absolutely horrible? Sure do. I figured it would get out eventually, but I still feel absolutely horrible.
His mother stuck up for me naturally. She said I am basically her daughter and no one is going to take away from our happiness. I completely understand why she’s upset, but now I fear this is going to be dragged out and going to cause problems in the long run. How am I going to be able to face his aunt when there’s family functions. What’s going to happen when it comes down to our wedding?
J’s dad offered J to buy a new ring when a check came in. J declined saying that adults need to act like adults. It’s not the end of the world. He said it’s my ring now like it was meant to be.
Sigh. I thought MY family would be the one who was going to give us problems. Guess not.
Post # 3
Why are they upset? Why was it a secret? It seems like it is the grandparents ring to do with what the please, right?
Post # 4
@DesireeAnne: I’m confused.. what did she say to you?? Is she just mad that you have the family heirloom??
Post # 5
I’m confused – what’s the source of the conflict? Why weren’t they supposed to know?
Post # 6
Tell her to stuff it. If it were hers to give, she could have done whatever she wanted with it, but it wasn’t.
Post # 8
But at any rate, if Aunt got mad and that’s what the whole mess is about, then:
1. He gave you the ring. It belongs to you now.
2. The ring wasn’t your Aunt’s to give. It was the grandparents’ and they decided they wanted it to go to you. So if anything, she can take this up with the grandparents.
3. You really have to let the Aunt’s problem with it be her problem. It’s over and done with and she doesn’t have to like it, but your FI’s right–lots of things happen in life that we don’t like. As adults, we learn that there are appropriate ways to react and inappropriate ways to react. Doesn’t sound like her reaction is appropriate.
Post # 9
I don’t get it either…there is no way his parents thought that no one would ever notice whose ring it was. If this aunt is around she was going to see it eventually.
Were they going to make an announcement later?
I don’t see how you did anything wrong but I also don’t understand what anyone would be upset about….
Post # 10
i’m sorry you’re having to deal with that! i’m a little confused as to why people are upset, did she want the ring? i’m not sure how they wouldn’t have seen at eventually, what were you to say if the asked about the ring? either way, you didn’t do anything wrong and cannot be held at fault for whatever misunderstanding transpired within his family regarding what should be done with the ring. don’t let it ruin your engagement! make them proud that it was given to you, they’ll come around eventually!
Post # 11
Sorry, couldn’t write out the entire story. J called me for breakfast.
They are upset because it was his GREAT grandmother’s ring and it was supposedly promised to stay on his grandfather’s side of the family which means that his uncle would get the ring. THEN she said that she’s pretty sure her grandmother gave her the ring when she gave her a bunch of jewelry, but she didn’t feel right about keeping it.
Nothing was said to me personally. His aunt contacted his mom (they’re sisters) and was being completely immature about it. I don’t know why they wanted to keep it a secret or what the deal was. I was just told that no one else knew about it.
Post # 12
I say again: Well, that’s just a big bowl of disappointment for your Aunt.
Too bad, so sad.
Go on and post a pic–WE’LL give you the reception you deserve!
Post # 13
I’m still confused. If the aunt didn’t want to keep it, what is the issue? What would the uncle do with it anyways? Whoever is in possession of the ring (his grandparents) get to choose who it goes to.
Post # 14
If your bf knew all this drama was going to happen as a result of the ring, I’m not sure why it was ever kept a secret. When he was originally going to give you the ring someone should have told the family “This is how it’s going to be, everyone needs to get over it.” Sounds like it was handled poorly all around. I’m sure whatever their issue may be, it was only exacerbated by the secrecy.
That said, this really doesn’t have anything to do with you and shouldn’t diminish your happiness. Facebooks pics or not, unless you wore a paper bag on your hand forever, they were eventually going to find out. Treasure this moment and don’t give them another thought.
Post # 15
I’m just as confused as everyone else. I don’t have the entire story, I guess. I think his grandparents shouldve told their children about the ring if anything.
His mom isn’t making a big deal about it. No one really cares that it’s out. But I agree it should’ve been handled differently.
It is what it is now. I just don’t want stupid drama between two close sisters. It’ll work out, I’m sure.
Post # 16
@JennyW1: Well said!
I wouldn’t let it get you down. It was going to come out at some point anyway. Better now than at the wedding where it sounds like she’d throw a fit there anyway. She’ll probably get over it at some point anyway, so just let her accept it on her own terms