(Closed) The drama with REPLY cards has begun!!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Monkey786:  Is there any way your brother-in-law could casually mention something? Like asking who will be watching their child that evening or something? I know it’s totally against etiquette but this is why I had “Adult Only Reception” printed on my invitations – I knew no matter how I addressed the invitations that people would try and pull this. We are having my son, who is 11 (the ring bearer) and his best friend who is also 11 (the flower girl) and then our two nieces who are 5. We are having our nieces carry a Just Married sign up the aisle that way they are a part of the wedding party and no one complains. Any way, I would just see if your brother-in-law would be willing to mention it in passing and then go from there. If it comes down to it you will just have to call them yourself and let them know that you are not allowing children under 5 because it would cause you to go over your guest list and you had to make a cut off somewhere.

Post # 4
Member
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I agree about getting your brother to ask. Then see what they say. 

Post # 6
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Monkey786:  What about his wife? Women tend to be better at these things 🙂

Post # 7
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I am so tired of hearing about people thinking it is okay to do this! It is hard to tell if they truly understand that it’s not just okay to add a third guest onto the RSVP…some people just don’t know any better. But to add a toddler? I would avoid all the indirect methods bc they may not work and could end in miscommunication which would make your problem only worse. I would send a sweet email saying “Thank you for sending your RSVP card in, we are happy you both are able to make it. However, we have made this an Adults Only reception and have not invited the children of any of our other guests either. It would not be fair to them to make exceptions. Please let us know if we can help or provide any other information.” Something along those lines. They may not come but I just think you either be direct or let their child come without saying anything at all. The inbetween becomes tricky and a pain in the ass.

Post # 9
Member
338 posts
Helper bee

@Monkey786:  Call them up and say, “Hi Sally/Jim, we got your RSVP today and are glad you said yes.  However, the invitation was just for you and Jim/Sally and, unfortunately, we can’t accomodate little Aidan.  We hope you can still attend.”

If they say they won’t come without him, put your foot down.  You don’t have to let them bring their kid just because they feel like he should be allowed to come.  However, just a head’s up, if you have allowed a lot of kids there who are relatively close in age to him (ex. a 5 year old may be only 13 months older than a 3 year old) and of a similar relationship to you (ex. friends’ kids, cousins’ kids), they may be upset.

Post # 10
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Monkey786:  Right, but that is different. Adults Only receptions can still have children but those children are usually very few and specifically there for a reason (kids of the bride and groom, nephew ring bearer etc.) and they are cleared ahead of time. You could always say that there will be a few children but they are all over the age of 5 and because it is going to be a quiet reception where 99% are adults, it is not the best place for a 3 year old. 

Post # 11
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

If its just one extra child I’d let them come. If everyone starts bringing kids, then I’d put my foot down

Post # 12
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

An age limit is you best friend. Just say, “We’re so sorry, but we’re not inviting children under 5.” Or say that the children of close family, like cousins, are accommodated, but you can’t extend it beyond that. We’re-so-sorry-hope-you-can-still-make-it.

They’ll flip if you tell them “no kids” and then when they get to the wedding they see kids. It’s pretty tricky to explain at or after the wedding why some kids are okay and theirs aren’t.

Post # 13
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Don’t even say “only X children are invited”, just say you cannot accommodate extras.  End of story.  The more reasons you give them, the more retorts they will be able to give you to argue their case.

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