Post # 1
Hello! I am planning our wedding for this October. We aren’t millionaires and we don’t have our mommies and daddies paying for everrryyything AND we live across the country therefore we know it’ll be hard many people to make it to our wedding. My fiance doesn’t care about not inviting certain people and I do and I don’t. I’ve never wanted a huge wedding, after going to at least 10 weddings in the last 7 years I’ve seen the good and the bad and I’ve decided I want to have a smaller wedding. The main reason though is because it’s a good way to explain to people who aren’t invited why they aren’t, not that I should have to explain it lol
Ok so now with that all said. I am only close with three of my cousins. I haven’t seen or talked to my other cousins in a very long time. Is it wrong to invite only those three and their spouses? Also I do not want children at the wedding ( I love kids but this is a strictly adult affair) and of those three cousins two of them have children, a total of 7 kids. How do I make it clear that they can’t bring their kids? I’ve been told to just make the invites out to the husband and wife instead of “the smith family”. How else can I make sure they don’t come?
To my dad’s family, they are all very rude and completely distant with me. I was adopted so they don’t treat me like the rest of the family. The one aunt and her husband are alright towards me but the then these other two are totally judgemental of our wedding (we got engaged after dating for 3 months)..and I dislike my dad’s mom very much and it goes the other way too. How do I go about invites for his side of the family? My mom told me I have to at least invite them all but that doesn’t mean they will actually come. I don’t want to burn any bridges but they’ve all never been a part of my life so why should I start to make them matter now?I mean this isn’t a cheap event, I don’t know if I’d want my fiance and I to spend a lot of money on people I can’t even stand to be around.
Please give me your advice! Thanks ladies! <3
Post # 3
We aren’t having kids at the wedding…except my flower girl and ring bearer and my FI’s 3 nephews (who are coming from FL). I am addressing the invites to only the parents (specifically putting their first and last names). My grandfather was 1 of 10 children so you can only imagine how many cousins I have to include…If you aren’t 21 – you aren’t coming.
I don’t speak to my father’s side of the family (a whole other situation in which they wouldn’t even recognize me if I sat there and had an hour long convo w/ them). My father speaks to his family on a very little basis and have been so horrible to him that I couldn’t bare the drama and pain they caused him. However, we are inviting ONE of his brothers and his wife to the wedding. I know that shit will fly when they get the invite and word trickles down but honestly, I don’t care since its MY day.
That said….only invite those that care about you and Fiance….don’t invite people just to “save face” because you’ll spend you day stressing about keeping everyone happy or making sure people stay away from the drama makers…
Post # 4
Maybe you could send announcements. That way, you arent burning bridges and you could find some way to say “we’re having a small wedding.” A lot of people are having weddings where no children are allowed and that is incorporated into the invite somehow. I don’t know how your cousins would take it, but since they’d be traveling across the country you might consider their kids being the only kids allowed. That way they dont say, “well i cant come, i have to watch my kids.” ya know? & let me say, the fact that you & your Fiance are paying for the wedding gives you a lot more decision making room! My parents are paying for it as they can and my mother thinks she can invite whoever she wants! (i.e. her cousins in wisconsin that ive NEVER met.) Good Luck Though! That guest list kicked me in the butt!
Post # 5
lol thank you both!!
yeah my parents and his will be paying us a reasonable amount but we will be paying more than them. so i’m dealing with some issues that i’ve got to get over but i think the guest list thing is just something entirely up to the future hubby and i!