(Closed) The dreaded plus one dilemma + family = headache

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

WOW!!! Isnt it bonkers how FAMILY can cause such headache and drama?!!? on YOUR day! (and your FI’s)

I think you are being INCREDIBLY reasonable!! You gave a lone friend a +1 (very sweet)
his sister WILL NOT be alone – its her BROTHERS wedding. She will know at lEAST 1/3 of the people! AND you even went to the lengths of if you get “No’s” THEN, she can bring someone!

I think your points are great! Do not feel bad about anything, or think your crazy. VERY sane! 🙂

I wish  you luck!! Hopefully his mom AND sister come around and can be civil and respect you and FI’s requests.

People can be so so Rude!!

PS – we have had a few people want to bring more people! its so silly!! We have a cousin and on her RSVP we put 2 seats. Her and her husband. She ADDED 2 more herself – her mom and HIS SISTER!!! excuse me?!!? haha its insane!!

GOOD LUCK!! 😀

Post # 4
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I think you need to allow immediate family to have a plus ones. I’m not talking about all the singles, but just his sister. I understand that your venue is packed but it’s just one person. If it makes the family happy, I think you should do it. 

Post # 5
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

You do NOT need to allow her a +1. I would just say “I’m sorry, you will not be invited with a +1 but we are still really excited to share the day with you.” And then leave it at that. If they bring it up again, just say “it’s already been discussed” and keep saying ‘no’ in so many words until the wedding is over. If they continue to be butt hurt over it, then that’s on them.

Post # 6
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@ohmystars28 The only thing that I think with the “its just one person” if you do that for one person, then you might have to do it for JUST one more, and then JUST one more and it never ends. At least that has been our issue with doing that. PS – this response wasnt meant to be catty or anything, just giving our experience with it. 🙂

Post # 7
Member
11342 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I would continue to be very sweet and polite so as to do nothing to create rifts or burn bridges; however, I would not allow your Future Sister-In-Law to bring a date. She and her family are being extremely selfish and are not thinking clearly at all about this situation. Your wedding is NOT a PROM. Your Future Sister-In-Law does not NEED a date. She should be attending for the simple reason that she loves her brother and wants to be there to witness and celebrate his marriage.

Post # 8
Member
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Wow! I can’t believe that she said your parents could just pay for her +1!

I’m sorry but in this day and age I believe that if parents are contributing then BOTH sets should be…and if they aren’t then they should just shut their mouths!

Just stay strong and tell them no. What happens during this time will reflect on how things will be after…and if you give in to this I can see a lot more concessions happening over the years.

Post # 9
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Shaerena:  That’s funny.  I figured if my entire family was at the same event that I was, that I was not, in fact, alone. Remember – this is a party for you, not her or her mother.  Anybody who is reasonable would understand this. 

By the way “well her parents are paying for it anyway, so you can just make them pay for extra plus 1s” is SO incredibly inappropriate.  I actually feel bad that you’ll soon be related to someone who thinks like that.

Post # 10
Member
221 posts
Helper bee

I know you said that you’ve already tried explaining to Future Mother-In-Law, but maybe you should just sit down with her privately and speak to her in a very calm yet firm manner. It’s your wedding and unless she’s paying for the damn thing, then sorry, she has no say. If Future Sister-In-Law had any form of significant other, I’d say you need to invite them. But for Future Mother-In-Law to expect you to let her bring a friend (that you may not even know) to such a small and intimate affair, is totally unfair. 

I think you need to stand your ground on this one. You are no being unreasonable at all! If your Future Mother-In-Law is really making such a hissy fit, then I really think it would help to just explain to her privately that it’s just not going to happen. You need to be firm and respectful, but get your point across. It’s one day, Future Sister-In-Law will be fine.

Post # 12
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You stated it perfectly; if Future Sister-In-Law has to “go out and find a date or a friend to bring she clearly is not in the plus 1 category. AND she will also have family there.  Nope, don’t do it.  Be polite but stand your ground; your reasons are valid.

Post # 13
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I may be on the opposite side, but I’d say that you should allow her to invite a +1.

She is your future husband’s sister. Provided he doesn’t have 10 sisters/ brothers who are single, then you should do it. This will be your family post-wedding.

I think that immediate family (brothers/sisters/mom/dad) should be allowed a +1. Especially since as you say, she is not comfortable at weddings. I think sometimes you do stuff to just appease the family. You don’t want to start out being unreasonable. If your mother is paying, maybe your Fiance could just pay her plus 1’s fee so that it ‘keeps the peace’.

Honestly, is it really worth it to start out on a bad foot? Sometimes it is just better to pay the money and be done with it….for what its worth.

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