- 9 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
I had hoped to avoid talking about anything negative in my first post here, but I’m needing some reassurance that I’m not being totally unreasonable. The problem centres around the hotly-debated topic of plus ones…yeah.
To give you some background, Fiance and I are both fairly quiet people and want to have a small, intimate wedding which includes just our nearest and dearest. We have booked a venue and can accommodate a max of 50 folk for the ceremony. We have put together a list which breaks down as 1/3 his family, 1/3 my family, and 1/3 close friends (with a 50:50 split of his friends & my friends). There are some more friends I would love to invite, but we simply don’t have room.
HOWEVER…! When we first got engaged my Future Mother-In-Law gave me this big story about how his sister hates going to weddings when not allowed a plus one and how it’s really unfair to expect her to spend the day alone. I thought it was a very fair point, and as a result I have made sure to give a plus 1 to the one friend who won’t know anyone else. I would hate to make someone spend an uncomfortable day alone. I didn’t, however, give his sister a plus 1.
Now my Future Mother-In-Law has thrown a bit of a hissy fit because she had made the assumption that my Future Sister-In-Law would be getting a plus 1 and had already told her to go find herself a date or a friend to bring. Fiance has called her and tried to explain how limited our numbers are, but she’s still being very vocal about it, even saying “well her parents are paying for it anyway, so you can just make them pay for extra plus 1s”. Eh…what?
Here’s my thinking:
1. 1/3 of the guests are family of my FI/FMIL/FSIL. She won’t be alone.
2. Future Sister-In-Law is single. She doesn’t have a DH, Fiance or even casual BF.
3. We have a limit of only 50 people! We’re already struggling to fit folk in.
4. I’m not keen on having strangers coming to such a close, intimate occassion.
5. I don’t want to take advantage of my parent’s generosity, unlike my Future Mother-In-Law apparently.
Am I being completely unreasonable?
I have said to Future Sister-In-Law directly that, once we send invites, if we get lots of RSVPs saying folk can’t make it that we can try to fit in more people (although I have other good friends that I would prefer to invite if we have space). I also explained that my brother is also not getting a plus 1 for the very same reasons…and he’s quite happy with it.
I don’t want to fall out with anyone or cause any hard feelings, but I also don’t want to be bullied into adding unneccessary strangers to our guest list.
Any advice? (PS – sorry for the long post!)