Post # 1
So, I get along great with my FI’s family, but I feel they’ve been sort of pushing him to get a pre-nup, though they like me and treat me like family… they say it’s just to protect him. I, on the other hand, feel like a pre-nup is a nice way of saying ‘I don’t trust you.’ However, I love him and want to marry him, so I’m going to sign one.
I should add that his parents are well off and Fiance has a large amount of money in an annuity that was started for him and that he will get a big inheritence. I think that’s the only reason they want him to get one – to protect that money. /:
I don’t know much about pre-nups (I did a bit of research), but I know I’m not signing just anything. I want it to protect me, too. I mean, we haven’t done one formally (we have a basic outline of what we want it to say), but Fiance agreed that, in exchange for me getting his money (excluding the inheritence and annuity and other than me getting what’s in my account and me getting half of what’s in our joint account), he’d pay for my living expenses for up to a year in the event of a divorce. It may seem odd, but he insisted he still wanted to make sure I will be ‘okay’ even if we’re divorced.
So, any advice on what to include to protect me? I know not all issues can be put in, so we talked about adding a separate contract between us… (Neither of us are well versed in pre-nup laws – he’s an accountant and I’m in the process of starting my own home bakery business).
Post # 3
Well, I would say that the prenup needs to be what he wants, not his family. This is between the two of you, and I would be upset if he were just doing it because his family wants. My Fiance feels that prenups are fine and has no concerns about us getting divorced, but I have more assets than he does so he felt that we should get a prenup to protect me. It brought up a conversation about the whole issue and I basically told him I do not feel comfortable with it, I feel like it’s making divorce easier, and I flat out won’t do it. He completely respected my feelings and that was that, we aren’t doing it. I think you need to decide if you really would be ok with it, then deal with the legality with an attorney. Sorry, this is a sucky situation!
Post # 4
I think you should first get a lawyer that not connected to his family. Second don’t take it personal, the fact of the matter is a lot of families have seen bad things when divorces go on. Unfortunately the world we live in there is a high divorce rate, and it’s necessary. However a prenuptial agreement is a great tool to use for financial planning and having everyone disclose important final choices.
If a prenuptial agreement is done right it also helps avoid a long nasty fight over assets. I wrote a post about them as I feel a lot of people bash them unfairly or don’t get why for some families it’s important.
Post # 5
I am all for pre-nups, especially when one or both parties brings significant assets to the marriage. It can help to make things better for both parties. Definitely get an attorney. They will look out for your best interest and provide you with guidance – what they’ve seen other in other pre-nups. You need to think long term, what about your future children, what if you stay home to raise kids, etc. Everything seems simple and rainbows and roses now, god forbid you do divorce, splitting your savings 50% and providing one year of living expenses will not be enough. Nor will it be that simple, that easy or that equitable.
It must be my age but I have watched too many of my friends go through divorce and deal with harsh realities. I live in an affluent community where most of the women opt to stay home. I truly admire their choice and fully respect what they do. However, I have seen many of them in bad situations when they have had to go through divorce. For example, their husband makes $250,000 a year and the woman has an income of $0 because she is a stay at home mom. Fifty percent of their current savings after subtracting out legal fees for the divorce leaves them with a whopping $30k. As they enter the work force with no recent experience they learn that their annual income before taxes will be $75,000. They are used to a $250k lifestyle. They have no retirement savings except for the $50k IRA that they received from their final division of assets. He on the other hand, from working all these years, has a pension, a large 401k, stock options and can make up the “loss” from the divorce in one year. The woman struggles financially day to day. Don’t count on alimony because it is rare to receive it, limited in duration and not enough. Child support is not enough to cover daily expenses, it only supplements the mom’s income from working. I have seen women get screwed over too many times. Please do not leave your financial future up to a divorce court who does not have to live with the consequences. Please plan ahead and seek good legal advice. May you never need it. Best wishes!
Post # 6
Pre-nups are only legally valid (at least in CA) if both parties have separate legal representation.
This is what I recommend, even if it’s not required in your state.
There’s also something called Premarital Mediation, when both parties sit down with a mediator (who is typically a licensed attorney) and negotiate the terms of the prenup, then get separate lawyers for the final drafting and signing.
Post # 7
Not married yet – not even engaged but we will have a prenup. I will be working until I have children. In the event of a divorce, I take all the money I brought to the relationship and I will be given enough money that I will be able to remain a Stay-At-Home Mom after the dvorce.
Post # 8
@futuremrsndl: Protect yourself in case you put your career on hold to have children.