(Closed) The dreaded pre-nup: I want it to work for me and not just for him.

posted 5 years ago in Legal
Post # 3
5001 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Well, I would say that the prenup needs to be what he wants, not his family. This is between the two of you, and I would be upset if he were just doing it because his family wants. My Fiance feels that prenups are fine and has no concerns about us getting divorced, but I have more assets than he does so he felt that we should get a prenup to protect me. It brought up a conversation about the whole issue and I basically told him I do not feel comfortable with it, I feel like it’s making divorce easier, and I flat out won’t do it. He completely respected my feelings and that was that, we aren’t doing it. I think you need to decide if you really would be ok with it, then deal with the legality with an attorney. Sorry, this is a sucky situation!

Post # 4
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think you should first get a lawyer that not connected to his family. Second don’t take it personal, the fact of the matter is a lot of families have seen bad things when divorces go on. Unfortunately the world we live in there is a high divorce rate, and it’s necessary. However a prenuptial agreement is a great tool to use for financial planning and having everyone disclose important final choices.

If a prenuptial agreement is done right it also helps avoid a long nasty fight over assets. I wrote a post about them  as I feel a lot of people bash them unfairly or don’t get why for some families it’s important.


Post # 5
865 posts
Busy bee

I am all for pre-nups, especially when one or both parties brings significant assets to the marriage.  It can help to make things better for both parties.  Definitely get an attorney. They will look out for your best interest and provide you with guidance – what they’ve seen other in other pre-nups. You need to think long term, what about your future children, what if you stay home to raise kids, etc. Everything seems simple and rainbows and roses now, god forbid you do divorce, splitting your savings 50% and providing one year of living expenses will not be enough. Nor will it be that simple, that easy or that equitable.  

It must be my age but I have watched too many of my friends go through divorce and deal with harsh realities. I live in an affluent community where most of the women opt to stay home. I truly admire their choice and fully respect what they do. However, I have seen many of them in bad situations when they have had to go through divorce. For example, their husband makes $250,000 a year and the woman has an income of $0 because she is a stay at home mom.  Fifty percent of their current savings after subtracting out legal fees for the divorce leaves them with a whopping $30k. As they enter the work force with no recent experience they learn that their annual income before taxes will be $75,000. They are used to a $250k lifestyle. They have no retirement savings except for the $50k IRA that they received from their final division of assets. He on the other hand, from working all these years, has a pension, a large 401k, stock options and can make up the “loss” from the divorce in one year. The woman struggles financially day to day. Don’t count on alimony because it is rare to receive it, limited in duration and not enough.  Child support is not enough to cover daily expenses, it only supplements the mom’s income from working. I have seen women get screwed over too many times. Please do not leave your financial future up to a divorce court who does not have to live with the consequences.  Please plan ahead and seek good legal advice. May you never need it.  Best wishes!

Post # 6
516 posts
Busy bee

Pre-nups are only legally valid (at least in CA) if both parties have separate legal representation.

This is what I recommend, even if it’s not required in your state.

There’s also something called Premarital Mediation, when both parties sit down with a mediator (who is typically a licensed attorney) and negotiate the terms of the prenup, then get separate lawyers for the final drafting and signing.

Post # 7
1405 posts
Bumble bee

Not married yet – not even engaged but we will have a prenup.  I will be working until I have children.  In the event of a divorce, I take all the money I brought to the relationship and I will be given enough money that I will be able to remain a Stay-At-Home Mom after the dvorce.  

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