Post # 1
So, I have been engaged four about three and a half years now. I’m in agreat relationship and I haven’t minded the wait. I was never really a gril who always dreamed about her wedding and stuff. I was more a tomboy who liked to play football with the boys. But when it finally came time for my own wedding I admit I got super excited. I’m the oldes kid, I have a younger brother and my sister is the baby. Everyone has been super excited and supportive for me and I love this.
But then a few weeks ago…. bombshell. My sister is pregnant. She just turned 19 and the dude is like forever older than her, and they’ve only been seeing each other for a few short months. She has no job, no car, nothing. She certainly isn’t ready. And the father has at least four other kids, and only gets to see one of them.
So I’m irritated because I feel like she isn’t ready, and that makes me nervous. But even more so, I can’t help but feel Jealousy rearing its ugly head every time I think about her being pregnant. To me she is batting out of turn. And stealing my wedding thunder. Every time I want to talk to my mom about my new ideas I have for the wedding, or something new I’ve booked, I get a half assed “O that’s nice,” followed by an extremely exuberant “Guess what I bought for the baby today?”
I know she’s excited about becoming a grandmother. None of the rest of us have kids, but none of the rest of us are married or getting married except for me. And its not like I have been discussing weddings for the past four years. We just set a date about three months ago and I just started making my plans. But now I feel the baby news is totally overshadowing me.
And I feel horrible for feeling this way. I am never like this. My sister normally lives with me as does my brother and I pretty much take complete care of them. We are very close and I love them so much. I have never had a jealous or mean bone in my body- and it makes me feel awful for having this issue.
And I don’t know how to be excited for her, which really sucks. But I’m totally stuck in this “You suck for having a baby before me and before my wedding” phase. I need help….
Post # 3
Hmmm…I totally get your feelings. I would say that because your engagement has been so long it will be hard for you to get people excited about the planning at first. Not only that but I think most brides will agree that we are always surprised by at least one person who just doesn’t react the way we want them to. Don’t let it get to you too much. While your sister’s situation sucks, it’s probably going to end in disaster and your marriage won’t. That’s what matters. Unfortunately, the disaster might bring it even more attention. This is just one of those situations where you really have to focus selectively, or try. I wish you all the best!
Post # 4
I agree with the PP. I honestly feel your pain. I’d be peeved too, and irrationally, I’d tell you to be angry. But logically, I think we both know that you’re just going to have to deal, and hopefully people will perk up to the wedding talk the closer it gets. In my experience, people only really get excited to talk about weddings when its down to the wire. However, you can politely excuse yourself from baby talk if you really don’t want to hear about it. Its not like you don’t have something big to plan/do. 🙂
Post # 5
What a horrible situation for your little sister to be in. Babies are a lot of work and cost a lot of money. She will need you and your family’s emotional support more than ever right now. Especially since baby daddy sounds like a dead beat. Of course your wedding is important but it is only one day and a child is forever. You obviously really love your sister and are concerned for her. Just think how lucky you are to have found the love of your life and be entering into a marriage then starting a family on your own terms. If anything she probably feels jealous of you and possibly ashamed of all the attention her situation is getting. Try to be there for her and be excited about becoming an auntie. Maybe share the exciting details of your wedding with bridesmaids if you feel your family us more focused on the baby right now. I don’t think you’re wrong for how you’re feeling, its just sucky timing and you’ll have to make the best of it.
Post # 6
You have been engaged for 3 and a half years and you still expect people to get excited about your plans? You say that everyone was super excited for you and supportive and that’s great. But, now, it’s time for your family to be super supportive for your sister. And, at 19, she’s going to need their support.
Like your sister, I got pregnant (unplanned, unexpected) right before I turned 19. The only difference between me and your sister is that my boyfriend was the same age as me, and was prepared to support (emotionally, financially, etc.) me and our baby. And, thankfully, both of our families were extremely supportive of us. And, yes, after the initial shock wore off, they were very excited as well. I was so grateful to have the full support and love of both of our familes during a time where I felt so ashamed that a smart girl like me, who took every step to be sure I wouldn’t get pregnant, had the birth control fail and wound up knocked up.
Your engagement has been a long one and you cannot expect everyone to remain excited for 3 1/2 years.
I highly doubt that your sister went out and got herself pregnant to steal your thunder. She is going to need your support more than ever, especially since her SO sounds like he’s not all that great of a parent.
You still have your family’s support and, I’m sure that as your wedding date draws closer, your family’s excitement about your wedding will be renewed.
Post # 7
Umm…I get that you’re angry because you want your moment to shine…and I understand that, and i know that you don’t WANT to be mad at your sister…but I highly doubt that she intended this pregnancy (my apologies if she did), so I think that you should concentrate on supporting her through what may be a difficult time for her.
Post # 8
@BanditGirl: Agreed. 3 and 1/2 years is a long time to be engaged and expect people to put their life on hold for your wedding.
Post # 9
I totally get where you’re coming from!!! Boy do I know where you’re coming from.
My family has a similar situation, but it’s my niece, (she’s closer in age to me then her father is), but like previous posters have said, the reality is that she needs help, your family will give it, cause that’s what families do.
Post # 10
I think some people are being a little hard on the OP. We’ve all had feelings that we aren’t necessarily proud of, and this sounds like one of those situations. I would be willing to bet that many brides would react like that, or at least have a small taste of those feelings. Deep down, everyone wants their time to be their time, and not share it with anybody else. The OP wants to be supportive, but she wants help working past these feelings because she knows they’re not ideal.
That being said, I’m in somewhat of a similar position, only theirs was planned. What helped me get over it was that I had to put on a happy face. I faked the level of my excitement for awhile and joined in on asking all the questions. It sounds horrible, but that actually did help me get over some of those feelings. There’s also this portion of song lyrics that says, “…Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.” Those lines helped me feel immensely better, even though they didn’t really solve anything.
I’m sure that what your sister wants right now is your support. I’ve run across that, too…not everybody shares my level of excitement in planning, and it’s okay. Once it starts to get really close, then I am sure that things will pick up. You really will get your time to shine :-).
Post # 11
@BanditGirl Yeah three and a half years is a hell of a long time. But I put it off at the request of our families because we were so young. I was only eighteen and in college and wasn’t yet completely independent. So everyone agreed that waiting a few years would be the smart decisions.They haven’t been uber excited for three years. ONce we talked about waiting everyone kind of let it go, and that was that. They only rekindled their excitement a couple of months ago when I set a date.
My sister got pregnant on purpose. Ok. She is not like a normal person who thinks about the consequences of having a child and having to raise it all by herself. She has been talking about wanting a baby for a long time now. We just assumed that she had the sense to wait until she was in a stable relationship at least!! But apparently not. She has never been responsible or sensible. I would be more sympathetic to her if she really had done this by accident. But she’ll tell you straight to your face “I wanted a baby so I got pregnant.”
@crystalrodz:I never expected anyone to put their lives on hold for my wedding. But an interest and some help from my mom would be nice. She’s the person I expected to share all of this with. Whether I’ve been engaged for three years or not. I haven’t been planning a wedding for three years.
Post # 12
I’m sorry you’re going through this! I’d be hurt too. Just know that your wedding is completely separate from her pregnancy. You’ll have your time to get pregnant! And hopefully you’ll be more prepared to get pregnant.
Post # 13
@JMonzy: I had a baby young and it is so hard. Your sister is going through a lot right now-trust me. I found out I was pregnant but did not tell anyone besides my best friend and the father. Then two weeks later my older sister announced her pregnancy. I felt horrible because my baby was due first and I knew I’d be stealing some of her thunder. I expected her to be hurt and upset and to blame me for being irresponsible enough to get pregnant in the first place. Instead, she was loving, supportive and kind. Your sister needs all the love and support she can get right now.
Post # 14
Wow, I think some folks are being a little hard on the OP. She’s venting about her FEELINGS which she has freely admitted she isn’t proud of. I know I’m guilty of having irrational feelings all the time, but it’s whether they are acted on or not which is key.I don’t think she ever said she wants people to “put their life on hold” for her wedding
@OP: I feel for you and understand how this would be difficult since you’ve just gotten into the swing of things with the wedding plans and the focus has shifted. I hope you can find a way to be supportive of your sister when she needs you and work through these feelings. Good luck and happy planning! 🙂
Post # 15
Maybe this is a good time to lean on your friends for support. I think you should try to talk to your bridal party about the wedding planning. They will probably be really excited for you and they might be able to give you the feedback you’re looking for from your mother. Give your mother a break. It’s her first grandchild and if she’s anything like my mother, she’ll have baby on her brain for the next 9 months.
Post # 16
@JMonzy: I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to be rude at all. I do think being engaged that long without making plans people may have wondered if you really intended to get married and then life gets in the way, etc. etc. If you are close with your mom, maybe you should explain? Is your wedding date before your sister’s due date? That may be the best scenario at this point, so that way when she does deliver you will have the stress of the wedding behind you and not feel “overshadowed.”